The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Let’s Burn This Candle Down
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 05:50 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1294
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Lay me down
Kiss my lips
Let’s live out every wish
For the first time may our souls unite as one

I’ll make you smile
I’ll make you sigh
Neath the glow of a candles light
Let’s make tonight a night that never ends

Let’s burn this candle down
Till the sun breaks through the clouds
Till morning dew lays gently...on the ground
Just time, you and I, two hearts sharing desires
Let’s burn this candle down... till morning light

When paradise comes calling
Let’s meet up once again
To prove we’re lifetime lovers
Much more than, merely friends

Tomorrow’s never promised
We won’t always be around
So tonight let’s burn this candle
Let’s burn this candle down

Let’s burn this candle down
Till the sun breaks through the clouds
Till morning dew lays gently on the ground
Just time, you and I, two hearts sharing their desires
Let’s burn this candle down... till morning light

Let’s burn this candle down till... morning light
And let me love you all the days of our lives....

Copyright © Michael P Dudash 7/11/2020

Last edited on Mon Jul 13th, 2020 03:27 pm by M.P. Dudash



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 09:44 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1680
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi M.P., so glad to see you again. This is very romantic and beautiful. Great hook, good flow, nice imagery.

For me the 3rd verse doesn't quite fit right (When paradise comes calling...). I feel like either I want a verse to tell me they have been together for a long time and death is drawing nearer, or this is about two people living in the moment.



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 11:10 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1294
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Andrea, good advice. I like the suggestion. I’ll see what I can come up with. Just writing to write at this point.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 11:26 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1680
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I kind of like the idea of the living in the moment, but that may be because I tend to write the other way. I went through the lull not so long ago. I wasn't sure I wanted to write anymore. Then I started a collab with someone and it sparked me again. You will find a spark. I am here if I can help :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 11:26 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1680
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I kind of like the idea of the living in the moment, but that may be because I tend to write the other way. I went through the lull not so long ago. I wasn't sure I wanted to write anymore. Then I started a collab with someone and it sparked me again. You will find a spark. I am here if I can help :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 11:31 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1294
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Thanks, I’m exactly where you were. Been there for about a year now. Just wish I knew the answer. I’ve thought of throwing in the towel more than once. Beginning to think my lyric writing was just another phase of life. I’ve had some ideas for children’s books and a movie idea. Maybe time to pursue those ideas.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 11:47 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1680
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I pray you do not leave. For me, it was recognizing that I need to play an instrument to make something more. Even the people who I met around town, and liked my lyrics, always came back to asking if I can play guitar. I still am learning guitar- I suck, compared to how I think I need to be. But, this time of covid is not the time to give in. There are also new people here who are so supportive and helpful.

I would want to work with some of your metal lyrics. Let me know if you want to revisit them :) My son is finally on board helping me with the music.

So happy to have you around - don't want you to leave



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Jul 12th, 2020 01:50 am
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1294
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Andrea, have at the metal lyrics. As you know, they aren’t my thing. Not sure how much help I can be, if any, but if you have ideas and your son wants to work with them feel free. Not quite sure where anything I do is going so if you have ideas or a vision for it please do. Always appreciate your support.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Jul 12th, 2020 11:13 am
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6579
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like the start of this the most. The first two verses have a nice rhythm going with the 3 short lines followed by one long with the same to follow. It looks like the middle 2 lines are meant to rhyme, though you might also look to extend that to
A,A,A,B ... C,C,C,B

That pattern seems to disappear after the chorus, but I'd love to see you return to it.

The "When paradise comes calling..." part would make a nice bridge

You might need to switch:
Neath the glow of a candles light > Neath the glow of candlelight
I know it's more cliche but it's going to be hard to sing the current version without getting candelzlight

It's a gentle, loving song and should be very easy to listen to. I do think it needs a stronger hook though.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Jul 12th, 2020 11:49 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1294
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Offline
Appreciate the suggestions Owen. Looks like some changes are definitely necessary. You may have a good point about the wording. I worded it that way in hopes it sounded as if just one candle was burning but if it doesn’t sing then it is pointless. Thanks again!



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jul 13th, 2020 12:32 am
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 248
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
The 4 th line below is out of sync with the rest of the song. Nothing else struck me as off in the least

user=5545]M.P. Dudash[/user] wrote:
Lay me down
Kiss my lips
Let’s live out every wish
For the first time may our souls become one

Copyright © Michael P Dudash 7/11/2020



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Aug 13th, 2020 05:08 am
  PMQuoteReply
12th Post
jdtaper
Member
 

Joined: Sun Dec 25th, 2016
Location: Milwaukee, USA
Posts: 343
Favorite Artist: Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Garth Brooks
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
This song woukd be perfect for Country Music's ultimate loverman, Conway Twitty. You write amasing Classic-influenced Country songs! :)



____________________
My music is 50% Country, 50% Pop/Rock (25% Rock and 25% Pop).
Back To Top


Current time is 06:52 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.2222 seconds (29% database + 71% PHP). 26 queries executed.