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Fragments Of A Broken Heart
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Jul 3rd, 2020 12:39 am
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cmaja
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Fragments Of A Broken Heart

Verse 1:
I see your blue eyes as I awaken
Your gentle scent lingers on my bed
But now my life’s becoming vacant
How can I face all the days ahead

Verse 2:
You left your brush upon the nightstand
Strands of blonde hair still mingle through
I check my cell but I understand now
You’re gone for good and took love with you, but

Chorus:
I act like you have not forsaken me
But cry these tears since we are apart
These scattered pieces are betraying me
Despite hopes of making a new start, but
I can’t stop the agony from aching
Or gather fragments of a broken heart

Verse 3:
And friends say don’t let her upset you
She not the type that you can keep
But, oh, my heart just won’t forget you
You haunt my dreams, I’m in much too deep, but

Chorus:
I act like you have not forsaken me
But cry these tears since we are apart
These scattered pieces are betraying me
Despite hopes of making a new start, but
I can’t stop the agony from aching
Or gather fragments of a broken heart

Bridge:
I pray for guidance from God above
To heal my heart of its constant aches
But you’re so darn hard for me to shake
‘Cause it’s just you that I’m thinking of

Pre-Chorus:
Why can’t I just forget about your love
Sweep up these fragments of a broken heart, but

Chorus:
I act like you have not forsaken me
But cry these tears since we are apart
These scattered pieces are betraying me
Despite hopes of making a new start, but
I can’t stop the agony from aching
Or gather fragments of a broken heart

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Thu Jul 9th, 2020 05:48 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Tue Jul 7th, 2020 10:51 am
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RainyDayMan
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I think your verses are the strength here Charles. They have a very natural flow to them, filled with vivid images.

I like the opening lines of your chorus and your hook line "fragments of a broken heart".
The "allergies" line and the "restart" feel stilted to me. Just a personal opinion. I would try for something else there. Given the "fragments" phrase you may be able to build on that more with the idea of broken pieces of similar phrases.



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 Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2020 05:51 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks, RD Man, for your review and suggestion. I took it to heart and changed lines 3 and 4 of the chorus. Good call. Sincerely,

Charles



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 Posted: Thu Jul 9th, 2020 10:07 pm
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RainyDayMan
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That's cool Charles, I like the new version!



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 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 04:45 pm
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cmaja
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Hey, RD Man... Always appreciate your great suggestions. Make for good lyrics and, hopefully, music. Cheers,


Charles



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