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Together
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Jun 29th, 2020 11:39 pm
   
1st Post
RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
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Hey guys,

Don’t even ask me how I came up with this....ME....I mean come on....
Guess I watched to many romantic you tube clips...
Anyway I was unable to stop it...as usual and so I decided to write it and post it. Feel free to give feedback and comments.

RK (who still has no clue where this thing came from...🤔)

Together is the best place

There is something deep within A‘
A flame, a light, a new dawn
Every time you smile at me
With shining eyes mild and fawn
Every time I touch your skin
I could lose my self-control
Every time you speak my name
Rainbow‘s colours heal my soul

Tell me how you do this?! A+
Healing my scars deep inside
Help me up and let me fly
Across the sky, clear and wide
You bring sense into my life
My aim wherever I roam
And you are without a doubt
My soul‘s blanket and my home

Together is the best place. B
Two lovers in a warm embrace
Together is the best place
United by love and grace
Together is the best place
Two lovers in a warm embrace
And I am still trembling
Every time I see your face

I love you. C
Because you set me free
I love you
Because you let me be
I love you
Because you make me see
Because you should love somebody else
But you do love me
Just me
Only me

Tell me how you do this?! A*
Healing my scars deep inside
Help me up and let me fly
To the stars shining so bright

© by Ian P.
30.06.20/1:23 AM
W by Ian P.
for: VB



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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 01:01 am
   
2nd Post
Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
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Wow, this is so beautiful. One of my favorites. The message is clear, and the emotion is very strong.

My only question is in C "because you should love somebody else". I understand what you are saying, but it cuts the positive flow. Keep the positive! Idea:

I love you. C
Because you set me free
I love you
Because you let me be me
I love you
Because you make me see
I'm worth everything you give to me
And you love me
Just me
Only me



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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 12:16 pm
   
3rd Post
RainbowKeeper
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Thanks Andrea!
I understand what you are saying, but I did what I did for a reason. But well I will wait for other opinions and we will see.
Amazing that this one came out so „quickly“ ....



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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 02:26 pm
   
4th Post
wkamen
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Joined: Tue Jun 5th, 2012
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What I'm looking for, as an outsider, is ... "a story." l ... where's the entrance-path for me, your audience?

"Storyteller, literally – make something up." 😯 Invent a character, a protagonist singer, and then invent some appropriate situation for him or her to be in ... from which [hypothetical] vantage-point I am then able to enter into your story and
make it my own.

Like your last post -This one is a creative expression of yourself, rather than anything for an audience.

Also , I tried putting notes for a melody and it didn't fly Keep working on it and make the necessary changes. The emotion is there but thats about it !!!



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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 03:25 pm
   
5th Post
RainbowKeeper
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Dear wkamen,

How sad would the world of music be, if songs only transport stories. Music and songs are there to transport emotion!
You like a song not because you like what the writer is telling you, you like it because you get a connection to the emotion a song gives you. That is the key to make you remember the time and place you ve been at when you first listened to it. If there is someone telling a story dressed in a music-coat it’s fine, but you still don’t connect to the story, but to the feelings the song awakes in you. Then the unification between the writer, his/her piece of music and the listener grows and find its way deep into soul and heart.
Connected to a story is when you read a good novel that keeps your mind active. And even there, emotion is the key most of the time.

Examples:


And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be....Beatles

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.....mc lean

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time....Steinman

Thoughts become audible
reverberating throughout
echoing sounds over and over
like an echo chamber
(chorus)
It's so dreadful
so frightful
in my room
IN ISOLATION
(Verse 5)
Staring, silent, bare and hollow
looking out from within
waiting for a rainbow
after the storm...... yourself

You see, it’s all about emotion.
And that’s exactly the point where the audience comes into this game.
Don’t worry about mine, it will (like it always does) find its way to my songs.
BTW I can’t remember that you asked for me permission to work on my lyrics musically or in any other way. And I don’t remember saying in my post, that I want you to do that. So please leave my stuff alone. If someone writes music to my lyrics it’s me, or a person I chose and I work with. My stuff is copyrighted and if it gets hard on hard I have a damn good lawyer in the family 😉.
Anyway I thank you for your feedback and opinion and hope you are having a great day!

RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 03:57 pm
   
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wkamen
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I don't take lyrics from others and create a melody and song. When I read lyrics from others, I try to help them by thinking how a melody would fit with their lyrics and make suggestions. I guess you don't need the help, so good luck on your song.

Also. don't threaten me with a lawyer, He would really have to be good in order to read my mind, I think not, so if you want bring it on.



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Bill Kamen
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 Posted: Tue Jun 30th, 2020 04:39 pm
   
7th Post
RainbowKeeper
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You are free to give your feedback and opinions that’s for sure, but I want you to know, that it’s often not what you say but how you say it. And I’m not the kind of person that takes this silently.
The rest...well take it as a friendly warning 😉 you could at least have asked me if I allow that. And I get angry very easy when I find out that someone’ has done stuff like that. I’d never ever get the idea of doing that to someone else’s post without asking him/her first. Or we are already friends and even then I’d inform the other person and ask. Without that...na it’s something that’s definitely not right to do. So I’m asking you to leave me and my work in peace. I’ll do the same with you and your stuff.
And what amazes me, there is no arguing about the other topic we had...🙃
Anyway like I said before, I wish you a happy rest of the day and an amazing rest of life.
Take care!
RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Wed Jul 1st, 2020 12:41 am
   
8th Post
RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6168
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
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Gentlemen, let's take a deep breath here.
This exchange is clearly not helpful to either party.
Let it pass.

I'm closing this thread.



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