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Endless Summer
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 06:28 pm
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JoshRoehl
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I released a new song yesterday called "Endless Summer". It is the lead single from Factory Settings, my upcoming second studio album. Please listen to it and give me some feedback. Here is a link to the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_LskiXQ73c

(Here are the lyrics:

It’s summertime, when the weather is hot
The sun is shining and it sure hits the spot
It’s summertime, and we’re all feeling lazy
Year of the quarantine, we’re all going crazy

Sometimes the world doesn’t even seem real
It seems like a simulation, and I know you agree
I’ve been in love ever since I first saw you
This social distancing is making me feel blue

Lately it’s been feeling like the world is burning
Like a unicorn, you danced into my life
Now once again it feels like the world is still turning
I no longer feel as much strife

You fill my life with happiness and ecstasy
It’s true that I’m in love with you
It’s an endless summer, but with you the time flies fast
I really hope to meet you, though it hasn’t happened yet

I find your life story inspirational
The way you conquered all the struggles you went through
The feelings you give me are so sensational
I know my love for you is true

Walk-ins are welcome any time of day or night
My love life has been a dumpster fire so far
But with you, the future looks bright
This long-distance relationship is well above par

Lately I've been feeling like the world is burning
Like a unicorn, you danced into my life
Now once again it feels like the world is still turning
I like to imagine that you’re my wife

You fill my life with happiness and ecstasy
It’s true that I’m in love with you
It’s an endless summer, but with you the time flies fast
I really hope to meet you, though it hasn’t happened yet

The world is getting dark, everybody’s fighting
Everybody seems to be on their factory settings
But you’ve risen above that, your tribe is tribeless
You may think you’re a verified nobody, but you’re a verified somebody to me

Lately it’s been feeling like the world is burning
Like a unicorn, you danced into my life
Now once again it feels like the world is still turning
You tell me to find another hero, but my love for you burns bright

You fill my life with happiness and ecstasy
It’s true that I’m in love with you
It’s an endless summer, but with you the time flies fast
I really hope to meet you, the two of us will have a blast)

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 Posted: Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 11:07 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Nice intro, sounds very clean.
I like the timing on this, the matching of the syllables to the music, I think you did well there.

Very topical with the quarantine references, and the long-distance relationship.

My favorite line:
Like a unicorn, you danced into my life

I can see you've been giving feedback to others too, thanks for that it's appreciated. :)



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 Posted: Wed Jun 24th, 2020 02:31 am
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moptop
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Josh,

You have a great mix here with this one. It's clear and clean just like I like them. One thing that does stand out to me is the vocal seems a little stark and flat against the music. I think that could easily be fixed with a touch of delay and reverb. Now if that is the way you intended them to sound then ignore my suggestion. Since most of my material is in a different genre style than this the vocals can be a little heavier on the effects to fit that style.

But overall you've got a good here.
Thanks for sharing.



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 Posted: Wed Jun 24th, 2020 10:04 pm
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Andrea
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Hello, I think you have a fun and interesting song here. Being it is a kind of love song, it would appeal more with if the vocals were a bit more melodic. Moptop made some suggestions that could help. I agree it is great start.



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 06:51 am
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motis
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You've got a relatively polished instrumental here, and it deserves both a vocal treatment that is more melodic and sounds less like Stephen Hawking's chair reading from a teleprompter, and a rewrite of the lyrics to avoid those spots where you're being forced to rush to cram all the syllables in, and/or being forced to hit oddly-placed syllabic stresses reminiscent of the way an alien posing as a human being might talk.

You can totally get away with not rhyming; it's a lot less likely that you can avoid observing rhythmic elements in poetry/lyrics and end up with anything worthwhile.

Scansion is a powerful thing. Study this arcane wisdom, and become a great and powerful wizard thereby!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scansion

(Or don't. I mean, I don't have a gun or anything.)

Last edited on Sun Jul 26th, 2020 06:54 am by motis



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 Posted: Sun Jul 26th, 2020 07:35 am
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motis
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OK, I got curious and went and listened to some of your other stuff, and now I have to modify my critique!

I thought you were too monotonal and robotic-sounding before; now I see that this a thing you do, so I have had an epiphany to the effect that you should engineer your vocals to be MORE robotic-sounding, not less.

As it is, your vocal stylings are too ambiguously human. Some deft processing could make them sound far more machine-like, and that would eliminate the kind of puzzlement I went through at first, and allow the casual listener to recognize the artistic choices you've made, and appreciate your work for what it is.

Honestly, in a purely musical sense this is not the kind of stuff I would ever want to listen to. . . but having grokked your boldly strange aesthetic, I find it interesting enough to wonder where it might be going. My WTFitude and desire to flee has turned to mild admiration. Had your vocals been pushed farther into more distinctly robotic territory, I'd have been immediately intrigued, and you would have avoided taking the risk of losing me as a listener before I had a chance to figure you out a little.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 27th, 2020 10:22 am
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ChrisPrice
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A great production and arrangement. Good instrumentation but I'm not sure about the vocal. The lyrics are good but it sounds like an overdub which doesn't really blend in. It would maybe sound better if the vocals were mixed just a little further back with a small amount of fx. It's been said already that this is your vocal style, so maybe I'm missing the point. A good track though - I like it.

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