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| Posted: Sun Jun 21st, 2020 07:16 pm |
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1st Post |
RainbowKeeper
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...when I prepared my medication for the new week I started thinking: how many pills exist and how many ppl take them? I know I’m not the only person who takes them and once again I asked myself...why?
Feel free to give feedback and comments!
Pills
We always ask: how do you do? A‘
But who wants a honest answer?
And who will answer the whole truth?
Words could be a pain enhancer
We take pills of any colour
We take pills of any shape
To cure the sickness in our world
To be healed, to find an escape
We swallow everything we got. A+
And stand in line to get some more
Doctors get rich and over worked
And soon our bellies will turn sour
All this to fulfill double shifts
Finish work faster and not slow
And smoke and drink until we‘re done
Sure we help our own sickness grow
Pills for free. B
With or without prescription
Pills for free
Don’t know about the side effects, but
Pills for free
Is this really medication?
Pills for free
More than enough for all of you and me
And if you don’t take your pill today
By tomorrow you’ll swallow three
Back pain, headache, heart attack C
Illnesses of our society
Depression, burn out, panic attack
Everyday a few more
Cancer, tumors and all that
Endanger us and we can’t flee
Back pain, headache, heart attack
Illnesses of this society
Depression, burn out, panic attack
We’ve lost our inner harmony
At last this earth deserves a pill. A*
Be sure, there’s nothing to discuss
To get rid of all that kills her
She would feel better without us
© by Ian P.
21.06.20
W by Ian P.
for: VBLast edited on Wed Jun 24th, 2020 05:15 pm by RainbowKeeper
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Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Wed Jun 24th, 2020 03:23 pm |
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2nd Post |
Andrea
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Hi RK, I like this subject. You are so right that pills are extremely prevalent; surely over prescribed and overused. Not sure what music you had in mind. IMO, Although the subject is serious, the sarcasm would lend well to upbeat music. Here are some thoughts to use or lose 
I like the introduction, but feel there needs something between talking about how people feel and then talking bout taking pills: maybe something like:
We always ask: how do you do? A‘
But who wants a honest answer?
Are words a pain enhancer?
Pain that we need to kill
We take pills of any colour
We take pills of any shape
To cure the sickness in our world
To be healed, to find an escape - love this line!
V2 - the ideas are there, but I think the wording needs some work. Some lines do not read particularly well and the rhyming feels a bit forced.
I like the chorus. One small ideas for consideration. Change medicine to medication.
I do not think the last part about Earth fits with the story. It is a great idea, but I think it veers from the topic of people and pills.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 24th, 2020 03:35 pm |
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RainbowKeeper
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Thanx for your fb Andrea!
I will have a closer look ASAP
RK
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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Wed Jun 24th, 2020 05:13 pm |
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RainbowKeeper
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All right, here I am...
Medicine to medication is a great thought and a done deal. Ty!
In A‘ your change would take away one part that I wanted, specially wanted, in, so I’d keep it like it is.
A+ well the only thing I’m not really happy about is the line that ends on slow, cause I could think of a better more direct way to bring in a rhyme there. I wouldn’t call it wordy cause when I read it my way it gets more up speed till it breaks in the B or C part (not sure yet), and I love this growing energy!
The A* part...yeah I know what you mean but somehow I had to write it so that my soul was happy and the whole thing was completely...guess you know that when there is something you „have to add“... not sure if I’d keep it like that if it comes to music and singing.
Ty again for your FB
RK
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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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| Posted: Sun Jun 28th, 2020 10:02 pm |
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cmaja
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Hey, RK... This’d make a good country song. But you forgot about: Pills to help other pills better fight my ills. Haha! Nice finish too!
Charles
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| Posted: Sun Jun 28th, 2020 10:40 pm |
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RainbowKeeper
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Ty Charles!
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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters
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