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Racist
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2020 11:31 am
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Seamus2
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nobody's born a racist
its in the culture where you grow
indoctrinated without knowing
by the seeds that others sew

push their beliefs upon you
til its the only thing you know
you're a mini me of the unfree
you didn't have time to grow

you never had other options
you were told what was true
never thought to disbelieve
never thought it through

like a blinkered horse
there was only one way
its time to reassess
time to wake up today

look at the world around us
the great mess that were in
we should start over
but where do we begin

we have to start with our children
for they are colour blind
they don't see race on any face
it makes no nevermind

so lets create a world
where all children play
take the race out of the human face
and let us start today


CopyrightAlanEvans19062020

Last edited on Sat Jun 20th, 2020 03:43 am by Seamus2

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 Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2020 10:19 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Tough subject to write a song about!
You've positioned this one in a kind of "guiding" approach: confronting the issue without being provoking.
"You didn't choose to be a racist, but if you are here's something you can do."
I don't know if it will convert anyone, but there is at least a chance they will listen the whole way through.

I'm not a fan of the "you're a mini me of the unfree" line. To me it feels a bit comedic, which doesn't sit well in such a serious song. Could be a personal preference though.

As a suggestion:
nobody's > no one's ever

And some spelling & such:
coulture culture
til > till
reaccess > reassess
were > we're



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 Posted: Sat Jun 20th, 2020 03:47 am
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Seamus2
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Probably need some changes but not til as til is an abbreviation of until not till, well over her it is, thanks for all the advice as usual always appreciated.

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 Posted: Sat Jun 20th, 2020 04:42 pm
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The Big Gundown
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With such a click-bait title you better be coming with some heat and nope, we get some pie in the sky trite about hope for the future. Dude, the cities are burning, your song is like bringing a glass of water to fight a 5-alarm fire, well meaning I guess but utterly meaningless.

And...

"Till means the same thing as until. Till is not an abbreviation of until—it's actually older than until—and it should not be written with an apostrophe. 'Til turns up now and then, but major usage dictionaries and style guides consider it an error, so it's best to avoid it."

from http://www.grammarly.com

Last edited on Sat Jun 20th, 2020 04:56 pm by The Big Gundown

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 Posted: Sat Jun 20th, 2020 06:23 pm
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Seamus2
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I checked and both til and till can be used and surely a glass of water and hope is better than a glass of petrol.

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 Posted: Sat Jun 20th, 2020 07:38 pm
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The Big Gundown
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Seamus2 wrote:
I checked and both til and till can be used and surely a glass of water and hope is better than a glass of petrol.

Sounds like a song, maybe write that one instead

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 Posted: Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 05:31 am
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Seamus2
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I wish that I had your skill, but unfortunately, I have none.

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 Posted: Mon Jun 22nd, 2020 05:00 pm
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The Big Gundown
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Seamus2 wrote:
I wish that I had your skill, but unfortunately, I have none.

I'm sorry if I came across harshly. I respond with my heart and sometimes not with my brain. I guess my feeling is writing a song is a privilege and you can't let people down. The topic you chose is extremely precarious so you have to be on point or people like me will probably rip you apart.

You bring up skill well what is that? It's an acquired ability that anyone can achieve. I've been listening to the new Bob Dylan and his new songs have incredible lyrics which I'll never never achieve but it makes me want to try even harder. Keep writing and you'll build up the skill. Remember the privilege, write the truth and enjoy the ride. Take care brother.

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