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| Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2020 07:40 pm |
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Andrea
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I added a chorus. I will post the full lyrics above the original. I am always open to feedback. Thanks
First Encounter
V1
Lights in the sky
What's that flying?
Looping, diving
Can't believe my eyes
Ch1
First Encounter
Fear and Wonder
Come together
Or tear asunder
V2
Cloaked in darkness
I take cover
Watch it hover
Before it touches down
Ch1
First Encounter
Fear and Wonder
Come together
Or tear asunder
V3
Hold my breath
As doorways bend
Bridges descend
Creatures step into the night
Ch1
First Encounter
Fear and Wonder
Come together
Or tear asunder
V4
I hear them chatter
High pitched clicking
Communicating
Hairs on my neck arise
Ch1
First Encounter
Fear and Wonder
Come together
Or tear asunder
V5
Eyes like a cat
Reflect the light
Teeth made to rip and bite
These hunters are here for prey
Ch5
Alien army
First encounter
Human slaughter
Earth will never be the same
Lights in the sky
What's that flying?
Looping, diving
Can't believe my eyes
cloaked in darkness
I take cover
Watch it hover
Before it touches down
Hold my breath
As doorways bend
Bridges descend
Creatures step into the night
I hear them chatter
High pitched clicking
Communicating
Hairs on my neck arise
Eyes like a cat
Reflect the light
Teeth made to rip and bite
These hunters are here for prey
Alien army
First encounter
Human slaughter
Earth will never be the sameLast edited on Wed Aug 26th, 2020 12:14 am by Andrea
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| Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2020 08:49 pm |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Wow. I think this would work pretty much as is.
The sixth block would serve as the chorus throughout.
You need 5 verses and five choruses.
The longest lines could use some editing for length.
And verse 3 needs some attention. Two lines start with the word "A".
And the second line says "A doorways bends".
Should be either "doorway bends" or "doorways bend".
- Sketch
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| Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2020 09:06 pm |
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Andrea
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Thanks Sketch. I think this fits much better!
I made a few tweaks using your suggestions. I was able to slightly shorten a couple of the last verse lines. Possibly more could go if necessary. If the final verse makes sense as a chorus, then woo hoo!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2020 09:43 pm |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Andrea wrote: Thanks Sketch. I think this fits much better!
I made a few tweaks using your suggestions. I was able to slightly shorten a couple of the last verse lines. Possibly more could go if necessary. If the final verse makes sense as a chorus, then woo hoo!
Yes, this is looking good.
Let's see what others can bring to the review. Thanks.
- Sketch
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| Posted: Mon Jun 15th, 2020 09:54 am |
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RainyDayMan
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For a chorus, maybe something along the lines of:
It's the end of the world as we know it
...
Earth will never be the same
(echoing your final line).
Don't know if that can fit against Sketch's music or not though!.
Given that the result of the encounter isn't known until the final verse, the chorus should be somewhat vague about the outcome whilst still being compatible.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 15th, 2020 11:03 am |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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RainyDayMan wrote: For a chorus, maybe something along the lines of:
It's the end of the world as we know it
...
Earth will never be the same
(echoing your final line).
Don't know if that can fit against Sketch's music or not though!.
Given that the result of the encounter isn't known until the final verse, the chorus should be somewhat vague about the outcome whilst still being compatible.
I really like the choppiness of those lyrics over the track.
And was thinking about how I could mask the words with effects.
Making them gradually more understandable by the end of the song.
And also singing them in a low growling voice.
We could run the suggested lyrics over the top simultaneously. Like this.
Putting them in the foreground initally and then pushing them back as the song progresses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alien army
(It's the end of the world as we know it)
First encounter
(Earth will never be the same)
Human slaughter
(It's the end of the world as we know it)
Earth will never be the same
(Earth will never be the same)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But they may need to be abbreviated to fit. Like this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alien - army
(end of the world -)
First - encounter
(never be the same - )
Human - slaughter
(end of the world - )
Earth will - never be the same
(never be the same - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We'll need Andrea to weigh in on this. Ultimately it's her call.
- Sketch
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| Posted: Mon Jun 15th, 2020 03:15 pm |
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Andrea
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RainyDayMan wrote:
For a chorus, maybe something along the lines of:
It's the end of the world as we know it
...
Earth will never be the same
(echoing your final line).
Don't know if that can fit against Sketch's music or not though!.
Given that the result of the encounter isn't known until the final verse, the chorus should be somewhat vague about the outcome whilst still being compatible.
I had the same feeling about giving up the ending before the end. It's The End Of The World As We Know It is a hit by R.E.M. so I would probably stay away from that exact wording.
I wrote this for Sketch, so I will be flexible as to what he wants.
I did have a couple ideas today.
Here are 2 potential chorus ideas:
(1)
First Encounter
Fear and wonder
Come together
Tear asunder
(2)
First Encounter
From outer Space
Friend or foe
To the human race
I know you wanted 5 verses and 5 choruses, so adding either in after each verse will be too many. I thought it might make sense to add the chorus after V2, V4 and V6, then repeat it once more at the end to make 10. Another possible option could be to use this between each verse except 5 and then end with V6. Just putting some ideas on the plate.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 15th, 2020 11:21 pm |
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Andrea wrote: RainyDayMan wrote:
For a chorus, maybe something along the lines of:
It's the end of the world as we know it
...
Earth will never be the same
(echoing your final line).
Don't know if that can fit against Sketch's music or not though!.
Given that the result of the encounter isn't known until the final verse, the chorus should be somewhat vague about the outcome whilst still being compatible.
I had the same feeling about giving up the ending before the end. It's The End Of The World As We Know It is a hit by R.E.M. so I would probably stay away from that exact wording.
I wrote this for Sketch, so I will be flexible as to what he wants.
I did have a couple ideas today.
Here are 2 potential chorus ideas:
(1)
First Encounter
Fear and wonder
Come together
Tear asunder
(2)
First Encounter
From outer Space
Friend or foe
To the human race
I know you wanted 5 verses and 5 choruses, so adding either in after each verse will be too many. I thought it might make sense to add the chorus after V2, V4 and V6, then repeat it once more at the end to make 10. Another possible option could be to use this between each verse except 5 and then end with V6. Just putting some ideas on the plate.
Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I was blessed to work today.
The structure of the accompaniment is as follows.
Intro
Verse 1
Chorus 1
Verse 2
Chorus 2
Verse 3
Chorus 3
Verse 4
Chorus 4
Verse 5
Chorus 5
There needs to be a chorus after each verse. (5)
Options:
1) A different chorus after each verse
2) The same chorus after each verse
3) Choruses that repeat or alternate
4) Any other arrangement of five choruses
I like everything you have written so far.
- Sketch
Last edited on Mon Jun 15th, 2020 11:23 pm by Motorist Sketchbook
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| Posted: Tue Jun 16th, 2020 12:37 am |
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Andrea
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I got ya. I will make a decision and post before noon tomorrow. Thanks
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| Posted: Tue Jun 16th, 2020 12:45 am |
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| Posted: Tue Jun 16th, 2020 01:22 am |
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Andrea
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
Andrea wrote: I got ya. I will make a decision and post before noon tomorrow. Thanks
That's noon tomorrow (Tuesday) Greenwich time. In London, England.
- Sketch
That changes things. I posted just now 
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| Posted: Tue Jun 16th, 2020 01:46 am |
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RainbowKeeper
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Uhh I just noticed Andrea‘s fine piece of writing here. Very well done!
The only line that makes me frown is:
Creatures step into the night...seems a bit long in that place. But can also be my imagination. But I had to stop and read the verse once again...uh maybe I’m just tired....sooo tirhakdbdidkdjeienwllo jekeienebekdndk.....snooooor......
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| Posted: Tue Jun 16th, 2020 04:08 pm |
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Andrea
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Thanks for the compliments I wrote this for Sketch's contest, so we will see what happens. If he decides to use my lyrics, then some tweaking can be done if needed.
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