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So unconditional
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2020 01:23 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Hi,
I won’t say much about this piece...it stands on its own. I’m not totally happy with it, so feel free to give feedback and comments.

So unconditional

Your path has never been easy. A‘
And even when you tried to rest
Ice crystals on your bedroom walls
But you worked hard and gave your best
And when there was rain in my life
You have made it raining sunshine
You never showed your own sorrows
You always said: I‘m feeling fine!

Always been my second mother. A+
There was no judgement and no strain
And the trust I felt was endless
Your words of wisdom will remain
Today I feel scared and helpless
Everytime I am watching you
Already dead but still alive
And there is nothing I can do

Love, so unconditional B
That made my world a better place
Love, so unconditional
Your mild eyes and your friendly face
Love, so unconditional
That made my world a better place
I pray that soon you’ll rest
In our Lord‘s amazing grace

Even if there‘re storms and hard rain. C
Keep your head up high
Even if there‘re storms and hard rain
Until the angels teach you how to fly
Even if there‘re storms and hard rain
Keep your head up high
Lavender dancing in the wind
Until the sun brings back the light
To an azure blue sky

Since years you’re fighting, every day. A*
Stubborn but also full of fear
And suffocating more and more
Clinging to life with every tear


© by Ian P.
04.06.2020
W by Ian P.
for: VB

Ps: the fun thing: when I did the copy and paste with the ©, took it from another piece of lyric-work that I had on my phone...found out that I wrote that (other) song on exactly the same day but 3 years ago...
I guess I should mark this day in my calendar as a: good to write day! 😅
Hope you all are safe!
RK



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 Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2020 10:45 am
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RainyDayMan
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This feels intensely personal Ian.
As such, you're best placed to know if it's saying exactly what you want it to say.

For grammatical purpose you might consider:
Since years you’re fighting, every day > For years you've been fighting, every day



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 Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2020 04:10 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey rdm,

Thanks for your advice! I will have a closer look at it.
It is very personal and the question is more like: what can you say or describe if the feeling is kind of „unspeakable“ to explain. But I had to write it, to clear a little bit darkness from my soul.
And if you see someone dying more and more...for about 15 years by now it’s a very difficult situation. It gets you not only if you see it (I haven’t been there since a long time because I can’t stand the „aura of death“ that you can sense there. But it’s always in your head without being there....you know that your phone can ring anytime and you get the tragic news. And you find yourself somewhere between: I don’t want that and it would be better. The doctors tell us that she is somekind of medical wonder to survive around 15 years with only 14-19% left of her lungs capacity. My uncle, who also is my godfather, takes care of her since so many years. But a couple of years ago he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer with no healing chance. He is also fading away now. They also had to give him 13 stends into his heart and his skin reacts to the chemotherapy in a strange way, too. His skin breaks up and he gets boils all over his body, so that he is ashamed to go out. Even grocery shopping is difficult for him. But he still takes care of her, cooks every day and is kinda chained to her and the apartment. For so many years now... when he was you get he was very violent-tempered, when he lost his job and all of that. And I remember that he got so angry once that he wanted to hit her with his hand, while she had their baby on her arms... she knew what he was about to do....but all she did was looking him straight in the eyes saying: come on, do it! But it will be the last thing you will do in your life! ...he never tried something like that again! But anyway, both have always been there...she worked as a cleaner in 5 families and 2 companies while he was unemployed. She cleaned our house for years and was also a kind of nanny for me and my brother....so you can imagine how much she...and he mean to me. They were there, in my darkest hours and when I had to get out of family trouble with my mum and dad at my own home. So how can you put this in lyrics without cliches and without „losing it“ in pain? Well I gave it a try...sorry, I didn’t want to write that much...and I’m about to cry, but somehow I had to let it all out. M‘excuse!
RK



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 Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2020 08:50 pm
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Andrea
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RK, This is quite beautiful. It truly brought a tear to my eye. I pray that your friend(s) find peace when the time is right.

I don't have too many ideas for improvement, but here are s couple to consider.

You have made it raining sunshine - you made it rain sunshine

In C, storms and hard rain seem almost the same. I might try a different wording (ie even if there is rain and thunder)

In A* I was waiting for that final uplift:

For years you've been fighting, every day -suggested by RDM
Stubborn but also full of fear
And suffocating more and more
Clinging to life with every tear
I pray that soon you’ll rest
In our Lord‘s amazing grace
Where the skies are finally clear

Just an idea to use or lose. In any case, this is some nice work.



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 Posted: Thu Jun 4th, 2020 09:29 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Ty for your words and ideas Andrea!



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Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
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 Posted: Sun Jun 7th, 2020 01:40 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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I like this. A song about love outside of the typical romantic love song rut.
Good work. I hope you take this to completion.

- Sketch



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 Posted: Sun Jun 7th, 2020 01:54 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Ty sketch!



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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Sun Jun 7th, 2020 02:15 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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RainbowKeeper wrote: Ty sketch!
My pleasure.

Check out the lyric writing contest if you haven't already done so.
http://www.thesongwritersforum.com/forum/view_topic.php?id=16211&forum_id=59

You were a great contributor on the last project. You might enjoy this one as well.
An opportunity to get your lyrics on a recording. Winner chosen by reader poll.

- Sketch

Original announcement.
http://www.thesongwritersforum.com/forum/view_topic.php?id=16201&forum_id=59

Last edited on Sun Jun 7th, 2020 02:16 pm by Motorist Sketchbook



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