The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

I Will Worship
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 08:45 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
 I WILL WORSHIP
I
Nothing can separate me
From your love and your grace
You always stay the same
Even when I'm led astray

Nothin that I can say
Or do will ever erase
The words that you say
And the promises you make

Pre-Chorus
You create things out of nothing
There's no situation you can't change
I'll sing your praises forever
To the world your truth I will proclaim

Chorus
No matter how I feel I will worship you
When healthy or when sick I will worship you
Beyond all of my sins I will worship you
Because you favored me I will worship you


II
Your love remains the same
and your years will never end
My debts you took away
When for love you left your throne

You hear us when we pray
You are near, and you don't delay
I find the safest place
When I call on your name

Pre-Chorus
You create things out of nothing
There's no situation you can't change
I'll sing your praises forever
To the world your truth I will proclaim

Chorus
No matter how I feel I will worship you
When healthy or when sick I will worship you
Beyond all of my sins I will worship you
Because you favored me I will worship you

Coda
Your praises
I'll sing
Your name
I will lift forever

Last edited on Mon Jun 8th, 2020 01:16 pm by NathanJB



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 08:51 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Please Excuse the Title I made a mistake. The real Title is "I will worship". Thanks in Advance for your feedback!



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed May 27th, 2020 01:08 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 359
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Heya,
I have to say, I like it. The words are simple fit perfectly.
I like the style.
I also like these „crossover lines“, this doesn’t always work, but here it’s all good.
The only little thing that I would change is:

No matter how I feel I will worship you
When healthy or when ill I will worship you. << ...or when sick
Beyond all of my sins I will worship you
Because you favored me I will worship you

I’d do that, because there is too much „L“- Sound in it. Sick wouldn’t change the meaning and it would give the whole thing a stronger character if it comes to the phonemic structure. This way the singer can stress the word. Like a spoken Fermate.

Keep on writing the good stuff
RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed May 27th, 2020 04:41 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6257
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
[Title edited]

I like this Nathan! Good structure to it, and it flows naturally.

Chorus feels like the strongest part, and that's how it should be.

You might consider:
Forever your praises I'll sing > I'll sing your praise forever
depending on how the music goes at that point.

As an aside, the part you've labelled as a Bridge seems more like a Coda. A coda is an ending separate to what has come before. A Bridge literally joins two parts of the song, so happens somewhere in the middle, usually with a different melody to make it stand out.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed May 27th, 2020 07:40 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 911
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi, Nathanael... This is good, very good! I feel the more you can make a song or lyric sound like a prayer the more beautiful it is. And this is an example of what I’m saying. I felt good just reading it! Thank you,

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 1st, 2020 01:17 am
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thank you so much RK, I really like the new way that it sounds. When healthy or when sick. Communicates the message in a simpler and effective way. Great observation.



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jun 1st, 2020 01:23 am
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi RainyDayMan!
I like your suggestion because I think "I'll sing your praise forever" flows better in the melody. Thank You very much.



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 1st, 2020 01:48 am
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi Chales and Thank you for your compliment. I was moved and brought to tears just reading this. I will keep posting.



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top


 Posted: Mon Jun 1st, 2020 04:21 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 911
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hey Nathanael, your last stanza is a coda. To be a bridge you need two stanzas before and aft. Minor point...

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 1st, 2020 05:37 pm
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
cmaja wrote: Hey Nathanael, your last stanza is a coda. To be a bridge you need two stanzas before and aft. Minor point...


:Thumbs



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Jun 7th, 2020 01:34 pm
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
Motorist Sketchbook
Member


Joined: Sat Apr 28th, 2018
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1096
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Good job.
Lots of great comments already left for you.
I found a typographic/grammatical error in the last line of verse one.

"Nothing can separate me
From your love and your grace
You always stay the same
Even when I'm lead astray"

I think the word "lead" should be "led".

- Sketch



____________________
Blue Collar Road Scholar

Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
Back To Top 


 Posted: Mon Jun 8th, 2020 01:15 pm
  PMQuoteReply
12th Post
NathanJB
Member


Joined: Mon May 25th, 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Motorist Sketchbook wrote: Good job.
Lots of great comments already left for you.
I found a typographic/grammatical error in the last line of verse one.

"Nothing can separate me
From your love and your grace
You always stay the same
Even when I'm lead astray"

I think the word "lead" should be "led".

- Sketch


Thank you So Much. Cant wait to upload a new one.



____________________
Nathanael J. B.
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Jun 14th, 2020 08:15 pm
  PMQuoteReply
13th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1370
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
This is beautiful. It gives me a happy safe feeling when I read it. Great job.



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Jul 14th, 2020 01:03 am
  PMQuoteReply
14th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 143
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Last line of chorus is not how we talk.

Something like
As your truth washes me like the rain
Would sing better



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top


Current time is 04:12 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1955 seconds (17% database + 83% PHP). 28 queries executed.