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The Devil Whispers
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 10:55 am
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Seamus2
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Wish I could shake this old bottle
it's got such a hold on me
whatever I do it holds like glue
it won't let me free

oh I've tried so many times
to say goodbye to booze
the Devil whispers just have one
and once again I lose

I'll drink to that is well rehearsed
no matter what they say
any excuse to bring out a bottle
and get me through my day

Wish I could shake this old bottle
it's got such a hold on me
whatever I do it holds like glue
it won't let me free

I despise the bottles lies
with the tales it as to tell
sold me a mirage of hope
on my one way trip to hell

Wish I could shake this old bottle
it's got such a hold on me
whatever I do it holds like glue
it won't let me free

CopyrightAlanEvans24052020

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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 09:33 pm
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The Big Gundown
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Hi, thanks for submitting your lyrics. Yeah booze, the devil and hell all fine subjects in my world but you know it's been done a lot. If you're a writer then imagine you're writing a song for your favorite artist who would like a song like this. And then you gotta put in the effort and all your skill to present an original concept that they would want to sing.

Like I say in my other posts, think of stories. I find a lot of songs in this forum just telling me feelings, they're sad, angry etc. but I never read songs that show me those details. Think of your song as a 3-minute movie with a beginning, middle and climax.

One good idea is go to Amazon and look up fiction books and add thriller, crime etc. and get titles. You can't copyright titles so get a good 5 or 6 word title that pops out, to get you excited. A song called "This Old Bottle" is way too generic. I recommend something like "The Devil Whispers To Me" that sounds cool to me. Keep working dude, you'll get there.

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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 02:47 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Alan, some good lines in this. As far as the big gundown’s comment goes I would argue there are so few original ideas left. Damn near any new song is a rehash of another with a twist. Keep plugging away



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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 06:14 pm
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Seamus2
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Thanks for looking and commenting, Ihave written lots of stuff but seem to have lost the knack at the moment I'm just not feeling it, so I'm having a lot of disasters. If you have time have a look at one of my songs on here called tall rugged stranger, it fits with your name lol. once again friend thanks.

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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 06:14 pm
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Seamus2
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Cheers friend.

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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 06:58 pm
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cmaja
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Hey Alan... This is well crafted, succinct and rings true with most everyone. Although it may not be the bottle that‘s plaguing them. I like it a lot. It’d make a outstanding country song! Excellent!

Charles



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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 11:58 pm
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RainyDayMan
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My experience has been that the muse comes and goes, but it comes more often whilst your work on it!

Keep 'em coming!



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 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 07:55 am
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Seamus2
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Hi Owen thanks for looking and the advice, one of the other guys on here mentioned changing the name of the song and he's right, so if you could change to it The Devil whispers I think that's a more interesting title. cheers friend.

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 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 08:05 am
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RainyDayMan
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Done!



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 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 02:04 pm
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The Big Gundown
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Seamus2 wrote:
one of the other guys on here mentioned changing the name of the song and he's right,

Hi, I'm the "guy" who suggested a better title. Not sure what the etiquette is here but if somebody gives you a title you're going to use you might want to ask permission or at least acknowledge that person. Anyways I'm happy you've changed it, I hope it inspires you to write a great song!

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 Posted: Wed May 27th, 2020 07:16 am
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Seamus2
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I did actually reply to you , although I didn't mention the title as the words were already in my lyric I didn't realise that I needed permission, but I will keep it in mind for future reference and you did actually recommend a change of title. thanks friend.

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 Posted: Wed May 27th, 2020 04:21 pm
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The Big Gundown
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Seamus2 wrote:
I did actually reply to you , although I didn't mention the title as the words were already in my lyric I didn't realise that I needed permission, but I will keep it in mind for future reference and you did actually recommend a change of title. thanks friend.

I missed your post so sorry for any miscommunication. I checked out your song. Good stuff!

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