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Walls of My Mind
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 02:42 am
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M.P. Dudash
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I’m stuck here in the walls of my mind
Never good enough for anyone, yet they’d swear that I was fine
In this valley full of darkness, the sun no longer shines
I’m stuck here in the walls of my mind

Any happiness I find turns to guilt
I try to drink my cares away, but those cares haunt me still
A heart can only pour itself, out so many times
Before the voids turn into pieces for, the walls of my mind

I’m stuck here in the walls of my mind
Never good enough for anyone yet they’d swear that I was fine
In this valley full of darkness the sun no longer shines
I’m stuck here in the walls of my mind

I wonder if I’ll live to see a day
One in which I don’t just keep repeating my mistakes
In the bottle lies my demons yet each sip feels like fate
I wonder if I’ll live to see that day

I’m stuck here in the walls of my mind
Surrounded by these mountains I no longer try to climb
The last ember died from the tears I cry
I’m in the same place all the time
Stuck here in the lonely walls
The walls of my mind

Yes I’m stuck here in these lonely walls
The walls of my mind

Copyright © Michael P Dudash 5/23/2020



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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 07:27 am
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The Big Gundown
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Hey there, I'm new to songwriting so a grain of salt here. I like the title but the verses and chorus are too similar IMO. Make your verses have more specific details, maybe the character can be a person unable to leave their home. They are literally stuck in their walls. Why can't he/she leave? I understand the song is about depression but don't forget about telling a story.

Again my apologies if this seems too critical, such a fine line. Anyone sharing their creativity is doing a very courageous thing. Good luck on the trail!

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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 01:30 am
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RainyDayMan
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"Walls of my mind" is a strong image.

Never good enough for anyone, yet they’d swear that I was fine
I think that and similar lines paint the picture of depression really well.

The last ember died from the tears I cry
Not sure that embers and tears go together, but I can't think of anything else to go there instead!

The structure is interesting. It does seem the same throughout and I wasn't reading this as a verse/chorus thing so much as verse only, with a refrain, then a coda at the end.

It's a dark song but vivid.



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 Posted: Mon May 25th, 2020 02:42 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks for the comments guys! I see the repetition point no doubt but I usually write them as they come to me. I think in some way the repetition is meant to signify the mundane. The ever recurring feelings that come along with it. Maybe needs some work, thanks for the comments.



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