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The Devil knows you're dead
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri May 22nd, 2020 04:33 pm
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Seamus2
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we've been friends a long long time
been through thick and thin
don't know how we survived this long
but our days are drawing in

we had some good times
also had some bad
never really complained
about what we never had

but we lived on the edge
survived from day to day
not always on the right side
in the game of life we play

living life on the edge
never know when your time will come
lying there looking up
feeling rather numb

when it's time for you to go
remember the words that I said
May you be in heaven a long long time
before the devil knows your dead

CopyrightAlanEvans22052020

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 Posted: Sat May 23rd, 2020 01:26 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like these two lines:
May you be in heaven a long long time
before the devil knows your dead

they feel strong

They don't seem related to the rest of the song though

I don't think you've found the core of this song yet.
To me it wanders a bit without finding it's central idea.



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 Posted: Sat May 23rd, 2020 08:54 am
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Seamus2
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Thanks for looking friend, I seem to have lost the knack for writing anything worthwhile, it used to be easy but now it's just not there I've not written anything decent in a good while.

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 Posted: Sat May 23rd, 2020 08:59 am
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RainyDayMan
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Well, sometimes you need a drought breaker before the good one comes along -or at least I do!



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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 02:30 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Needs some work but I totally understand where you’re at. I’ve been there for months myself. Hopefully these ruts are short lived. For me I’ve lost inspiration and ideas. Keep your head up.



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 Posted: Sun May 24th, 2020 10:52 am
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Seamus2
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Gracias amigo

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 Posted: Tue May 26th, 2020 09:52 pm
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Andrea
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The ideas are there Seamus, they are just a bit vague. V1 - pretty good, nice set up. The other verses need a more vivid sense - I want to SEE the ideas you are saying.

As always, you have a golden hook
"May you be in heaven a long long time
before the devil knows your dead"

I feel this should be in the chorus. It is pretty awesome!



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 Posted: Sun May 31st, 2020 12:45 am
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Hi
I have to agree with RDM and Andrea. You've certainly have something there with those last two lines.

If I'm in a bit of a rut I'll record the melody have in mind for it and loop it continuously. While its looping sit and write lines that rhyme with what I already have.



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