The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Weak
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sat May 9th, 2020 10:57 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1234
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Online
I always thought I was a strong man
Till what never came to be
Took control and left me burdened
With lost dreams and fantasies

Had I done a few things different
I wouldn’t have to say goodbye
But this hole in my soul’s
Getting bigger with time

I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you

I’m not saying that it’s over
Nothing’s farther from the truth
I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use

I’m sorry, cause I know that
More than once I’ve crossed the line
By saying that I love you
A bigger fool you will not find

And I’m sure you’re sick of being
In two places at one time
Wherever it is that you are
And also on my mind

I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you

I’m not saying that it’s over
Nothing’s farther from the truth
I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use

I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use


Copyright © 2020 Michael P Dudash

Last edited on Mon May 25th, 2020 02:44 pm by M.P. Dudash



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat May 9th, 2020 11:19 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6251
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Strong write, packed with emotion.

I particularly like:
I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you


There's might be an option for:
I always thought I was a strong man > I always thought myself a strong man
but that's probably much of a muchness

Nice to have you back!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat May 9th, 2020 11:36 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1234
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Online
Thanks Owen. Not sure how long I’ll be back for since they’re few and far between these days but I keep trying.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun May 10th, 2020 07:47 pm
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 359
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Heya,

I have to say I like these lines:

I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you

I’m not saying that it’s over
There’s nothing’s farther from the truth
I’m made weak by these feelings
And finally realize it’s no use

I’m sorry, cause I know that
More than once I’ve crossed the line
By saying that I love you
A bigger fool you will not find
...even if I think that the „wanting you“ line comes a round a little sudden, but it’s a great line.

I also think that it’s nice to read something that’s not „lost in ending rhymes“ kinda refreshing but also a bit unusual for the reader/listener.

To me personally the line about the hole in the soul is a bit...(please don’t threw rocks at me)...of a cliché.

I'm also a bit unsure about the beginning. I mean it’s well written, don’t get me wrong, but to me it’s a bit „much“ before you come to the main point. I guess that’s the best way to express my feelings while reading.
But after all I’m everything but a country music expert. Just wanted to give some feedback. So I hope you don’t mind me giving my ideas and an opinion.

Hope you stay safe!
Cheerio
RK

Ps: Owen really got me with this French guy in the introduction...can’t tell you how often I wanted to write des mots francais in my feedback here 😂😂



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top


 Posted: Mon May 11th, 2020 04:52 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1234
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Online
Thanks Ian, I will agree with the cliche line. I’ll try to replace it. It’s easy to get caught in those traps and I even thought/knew I did in that line. As far as the bit much before the main point, I often hear it’s too soon or to late. That’s kind of a preference thing there I think. Thanks for the reply.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue May 12th, 2020 09:52 am
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
Seamus2
Member
 

Joined: Mon Jul 22nd, 2019
Location:  
Posts: 113
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Nice write friend.

Back To Top


 Posted: Thu May 28th, 2020 09:34 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1353
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Pretty nice write here. I myself liked V1. It felt like a nice set up leaving me wanting to know what was lost and why. V2 doesn't flow as easy to me, and I agree with RK - The hole in my soul could probably be replaced by something better. Overall, feels like a good county song :)

Last edited on Fri Jun 26th, 2020 01:47 am by Andrea



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Jun 10th, 2020 10:27 am
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
Tekboy
Member


Joined: Sun Oct 28th, 2007
Location: Leesburg, Florida USA
Posts: 258
Favorite Artist: James Taylor
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
"And I’m sure you’re sick of being
In two places at one time
Wherever it is that you are
And also on my mind"

Awesome hook! I think it would get a repeat if I was writing it.



____________________
"I cried when I wrote this song
Sue me if I play it wrong".
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Jul 10th, 2020 11:58 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 138
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
M.P. Dudash wrote:
I always thought I was a strong man
Till what never came to be
Took control and left me burdened
With lost dreams and fantasies

Had I done a few things different
I wouldn’t have to say goodbye
But this hole in my soul’s
Getting bigger with time

THE TWO VERSES ABOVE ARE GREAT. THE NEXT 3 AREN'T UP TO THE SAME STANDARD. SEEMS MORE LIKE YOU'RE FORCING IT TO GET IT TO RHYME OR EVEN TO HAVE THE RIGHT CADENCE/METER

I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you

I’m not saying that it’s over
Nothing’s farther from the truth
I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use

I’m sorry, cause I know that
More than once I’ve crossed the line
By saying that I love you
A bigger fool you will not find

And I’m sure you’re sick of being
In two places at one time
Wherever it is that you are
And also on my mind

I’m not sure what’s left to say
Except I’ll carry to my grave
Every thought of yesterday
From all these years of wanting you

I’m not saying that it’s over
Nothing’s farther from the truth
I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use

I’m made weak by these feelings
And realize it’s no use



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 06:26 pm
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
M.P. Dudash
Contributor


Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1234
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Status: 
Online
Thanks for looking MASempine, I may try to go back at some point but my writing has sucked for a long time now. I have tons of ideas but can’t seem to get them to come together. Miss the days when I could write 2-3 a day. Now everything feels forced.



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 07:12 pm
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 138
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
This brobably isn’t a news flash but just in case

I find it easiest to write lyrics when I’ve got the story in my head and I’m just trying to tell it. The second easiest scenario is if I borrow some other songs structure and just change the words to tell a different story. The third way is just to start writing and not think about anything but how the words sound. Just make it sound good even if it doesn’t make any sense. By the time I get to the end of method 2 or method 3 I’ll have figured out what I really want to write about and the words will flow on their own



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top 


Current time is 08:11 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1879 seconds (18% database + 82% PHP). 27 queries executed.