The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Dandelion
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Wed Apr 22nd, 2020 12:52 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 688
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I still hear this in a jazz-coat. I know music won’t be easy to find, but I had to write it anyway. It’s one of those who personally mean a lot.
If you want to leave feedback.
RK

DANDELION
In springtime you kiss the morning light
You grow and grow and one day you bloom
Your orange colour reflects the sun
Forgotten is all the winters gloom
And you smile and shine for everyone
You stand up tall and you hold your ground
Ya' a beauty and not simple weed
Glowin' high above the grass around

All the bees love you, there is no doubt
And people know how to use you, too
They eat you, use you for medicin
Believe me they need you, yes they do
But what's most amazing follows soon
When you prepare yourself for your end
You transform and give your seed away
Pieces of your hope that's what you send

Dandelion
You impress me in many ways
Dandelion
We have so much in common, you and me
Dandelion
I love you in so many ways
Dandelion
As sign of pure hope
Your amazing beauty, I wish people could see...

Why can't life be like a picture
Made by a childs hand
Why can't life be like a picture
Yellow sun above and dandelions between the green
Why can't life be like a picture
Made by a childs hand
More pure than ever seen
Why can't life be like a picture
Made by a childs hand
Why can't life be like a picture
And inbetween the green
More dandelions than you've ever seen...

You give away hope, that's all you have
You imagine it may find it's place
Not knowing if its worth your gift
But out there new hope may grow in grace

© by Ian P.
04.06.2017
W+M by Ian P.
for: VB



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Apr 24th, 2020 08:24 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7579
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like it RK. That intense focus on a small thing within our large world, yet looking at it reveals its complexity and beauty.

Jazz feels right for this one.

Has a poetic feel to it, especially the first verse.

I'm less keen on these lines:
And people know how to use you, too
They eat you, use you for medicin

they seem to break the spell you've woven previously.

Suggestions for your consideration:
Forgotten is all the winters gloom > Forgotten is the winters gloom
Ya' a beauty and not simple weed > A beauty and not simple weed
When you prepare yourself for your end > When you prepare for yourself your end
Pieces of your hope that's what you send> Pieces of your hope flying sent
you and me > you and I

You might shorten the bridge section, there's a bit of repetition there.
Why can't life be like a picture
Made by a childs hand
Why can't life be like a picture
More pure than ever seen
And in between the green
More dandelions than you've ever seen...

But I suspect having a lot of personal meaning to you, you will prefer to keep it as is :)



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Fri Apr 24th, 2020 11:05 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 688
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hello rdm,

Every idea is welcome. And I have to say that the lines you mentioned are definitely the weakest ones in this piece. I wanted to show the connection of being beautiful and useful for us humans, somehow. But while writing it I kept the possibility to rearrange the A+ part and maybe put the lines of A* in as the first 4 lines. But I’m not sure yet.
The c-part can be shortened up. I guess this comes when I sing it after all.
This song became a „conceptual work“ means it’s already hanging on a wall (with a German translation next to it) and 3 paintings made by myself which show the steps of „transformation“. The patients of the office like it a lot.

Cheerio
RK



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 04:51 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 356
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Unique and provocative analogies. Rhyming scheme seems to drift off tho after strong start.

I actually "hear" this as a kind of folk / rock fusion.. progressive? Not sure exactly where I classify this genre.

SWJ

Last edited on Tue Jan 5th, 2021 04:54 am by SongWriterJoe



____________________
"My heart is in my music - and my music is in my heart!"
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Jan 5th, 2021 09:24 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
RainbowKeeper
Contributor


Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 688
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanx swj!



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Back To Top 


Current time is 02:13 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1538 seconds (15% database + 85% PHP). 27 queries executed.