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Shadows in the sun
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Apr 17th, 2020 07:17 pm
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Seamus2
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Will we ever get together
before our lives are done
we dance around each other
like shadows in the sun

tiptoe our dance of love
not wanting to get it wrong
putting all the notes in order
as we write our own love song

will we ever get together
before our lives are done
we dance around each other
like shadows in the sun

we look at each other
with both of our eyes aglow
we never take it further
no words but we know

will we ever get together
before our lives are done
we dance around each other
like shadows in the sun

I know that I want you
you know you want me too
but we keep dancing circles
coz we don't know what to do

will we ever get together
before our lives are done
we dance around each other
like shadows in the sun

CopyrightAlanEvans17042020

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 Posted: Sun Apr 19th, 2020 10:19 am
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RainyDayMan
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Feels pretty solid Alan.

I think it's a good call to start on the chorus. It's strong, and it sums everything up nicely. And the simple alternating verse/chorus structure works for this song.

Might be interesting to hint at why they can't get together, but it works as is - you can leave people to make up their own story!



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 Posted: Sun Apr 26th, 2020 12:32 am
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Andrea
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Hi Alan, Good to see you back. I like the themes of this a lot. The flow is great and the message is strong. The only possible suggestion is to hint at Why they can not get together (as already stated by Owen).



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 Posted: Mon Jul 13th, 2020 12:59 am
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MASempine
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It’s nice. I tried singing it kind of slow and it works for me. It doesn’t seem to be catchy enough to be a hit song without really great music. These are my terms—I think. It will need to be music driven and not lyric driven. Not many songs are lyric driven IMO.



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 Posted: Mon Jul 13th, 2020 05:58 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Alan, one of favorites of yours. Nice write. Many will relate to it.



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