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Kiss And Break Up
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 Posted: Thu Apr 16th, 2020 08:02 am
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cmaja
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Another one I had in my files that I finally wrote. CMA

Kiss And Break Up

Verse 1:
Our love, like the breeze that stirs the trees
Like sunshine and shadows in dance harmony
But wind becomes gales and days become nights
As our love wasn’t right, starved from the light

Chorus:
Our love was on a true path
But sometimes love just doesn’t last
As mistakes become heartaches
Now we need more than a break
Since our love’s run outta luck
Let’s just kiss and break up

Verse 2:
Oh love, have the angels turned aside
Does heartbreak and sorrow have us hypnotized
As trust turns to doubts and talks becomes shouts
And our love, like the rain, dries up in droughts

Chorus:
Our love was on a true path
But sometimes love just doesn’t last
As mistakes become heartaches
Now we need more than a break
Since our love’s run outta luck
Let’s just kiss and break up

Bridge:
Oh, if I only done just what I should
Words, I said, somehow came out wrong
All the times I misunderstood
And the chances I missed all along

Chorus:
Our love was on a true path
But sometimes love just doesn’t last
As mistakes become heartaches
Now we need more than a break
Since our love’s run outta luck
Let’s just kiss and break up

Post Chorus:
Just kiss and break up
Kiss and break up

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Mon Apr 27th, 2020 06:18 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Tue Apr 21st, 2020 08:22 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like "Kiss and Break Up" as a title and those two lines in the chorus feel strong:
Since our love’s run outta luck
Let’s just kiss and break up


Verse 1 feels tight and I like:
Sunshine and shadows in dance harmony
an alternative would be
Sunshine and shadows dance in harmony

I like most of the chorus but the first line feels a bit out to me:
Our love was on a straight path
"Straight" doesn't seem the right counterpoint to "last" in the next line, and also "straight path" doesn't feel very romantic.
I like the mistakes/heartaches rhyme, but it feels like there might be better ways to phrase that:
As love's mistakes grew into heartaches (?)
and, like I said earlier, the last 2 lines are tight.

In v2, the word order feels a bit clumsy here:
Oh love, has good fortune turned aside
but the next line is strong:
Heartbreak and sorrow have us hypnotized

In the bridge "Oh, I’d take you back if I only could" feels out because earlier the "Let’s just kiss and break up" implies the relationship is still going. Whereas here it has already ended.
The idea of wanting to go back is also at odds with the rest where the theme is that it's not working and we should acknowledge that and move on.

But I think there is enough meat on the bone to make some extra work worthwhile.



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 Posted: Tue Apr 21st, 2020 07:14 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks, RD Man... Let me go over your suggestions with a fine toothed comb and make some changes. I always appreciate your input. Sincerely,

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Apr 26th, 2020 07:57 am
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cmaja
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Hey, RD Man... I finally made changes based on your suggestions. I woulda done it earlier but I’ve been out of sorts lately and unable to focus. Check it out. I hope you like the new version. Thanks,

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Apr 26th, 2020 08:10 am
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RainyDayMan
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Nicely done!

"True" path works better, with the implied link to true love.

"As mistakes become heartaches", nice and simple!

In v2, "Oh love, have the angels turned aside" is more clearly a question now (re-enforced by the next line) so the word order makes sense.

And you've solved the bridge too.
You might look to avoid using "things" there on subsequent lines.
Maybe: the turns I musta took wrong
or something like that.

Definitely improved :)



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 Posted: Sun Apr 26th, 2020 04:58 pm
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cmaja
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Yea, “things” is kinda weak, lacks specifics. I redid the bridge.

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Apr 26th, 2020 10:52 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Stronger again! :)



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 Posted: Mon Apr 27th, 2020 01:04 am
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Andrea
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Hi Charles, I read this a couple days ago, and I like the changes you have made.

My favorite lines are
"Like sunshine and shadows in dance harmony"
"As mistakes become heartache"
Let’s just kiss and break up

One question, kind of a nit pick, is in this line: "And our love, like the rain, dries up in droughts" - I guess the rain would dry in droughts, but I think of droughts occurring due to lack of rain. Maybe, And when love, no longer rains, dries up in dought.



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 Posted: Mon Apr 27th, 2020 04:06 am
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Hi Charles, I read this a couple days ago, and I like the changes you have made.

My favorite lines are
"Like sunshine and shadows in dance harmony"
"As mistakes become heartache"
Let’s just kiss and break up

One question, kind of a nit pick, is in this line: "And our love, like the rain, dries up in droughts" - I guess the rain would dry in droughts, but I think of droughts occurring due to lack of rain. Maybe, And when love, no longer rains, dries up in dought.


Hi, Andrea... Thanks for your positive review. I’m glad you like it. Rain can dry up atmospherically, but that’s too scientific. I changed it to “falls not” in droughts. I thought about how that would be interpreted when I originally wrote it. But you’re right that it should be just kept simple. Thank you,

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Apr 27th, 2020 06:29 pm
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cmaja
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Change 2, Andrea... Gonna have to go back to “dries up”. “Falls not” doesn’t quite work with “and our love.” Here in the Eastern Washington State desert we get rain that never hits the ground a lot. Evaporates (dries up) before it hits the ground. Typical desert climatology. Thanks though,

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Apr 28th, 2020 01:49 am
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Andrea
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cmaja wrote:
Change 2, Andrea... Gonna have to go back to “dries up”. “Falls not” doesn’t quite work with “and our love.” Here in the Eastern Washington State desert we get rain that never hits the ground a lot. Evaporates (dries up) before it hits the ground. Typical desert climatology. Thanks though,

Charles


I see where you are coming from Charles. Here in the Northeast, we only see drought when it is hot and it doesn't rain for an extended period of time (which is not very often). We live in very different climates, so I was not seeing your perspective.



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 Posted: Thu May 14th, 2020 09:12 pm
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cmaja
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Yea, Andrea... We get plenty of clouds, especially in the winter, but little rain. But we got the Columbia River to keep everything green and allow for abundant farming.

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Aug 17th, 2020 03:02 am
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jdtaper
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This song sounds like a mix of Classic Country and Classic Soul. I can imagine the legendary Conway Twitty singing it! Gteat job! 👍



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 Posted: Mon Aug 17th, 2020 09:11 pm
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cmaja
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jdtaper wrote:
This song sounds like a mix of Classic Country and Classic Soul. I can imagine the legendary Conway Twitty singing it! Great job! 👍

Certainly a singer like Conway Twitty could do it justice, JD. It does have a classic ring to it. Thanks for the compliment.

Charles



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