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Cast It In The Wind
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 Posted: Wed Apr 8th, 2020 08:05 am
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cmaja
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Cast It In The Wind
____________Verse/Chorus

Verse 1:
Wind chimes on your porch tell you rain is on its way
It soaks you to the skin but your stains remain
Whispers in your ears tell you pain is here to stay
Will you stop the tears, will cheers replace complaints

Chorus:
All the promises you kept to yourself
All the future plans you told no one else
All the years producing no results
Still you pretend it’s not your fault
Just give in and cast it in the wind
Just give in and cast it in the wind

Verse 2:
Shadows cast across your heart, clouds won’t fade away
They display your dismay that your eyes can’t hide
Sins, that follow you around, sting until you pray
Will you change your tune, will truth replace the lies

Chorus:
All the promises you kept to yourself
All the future plans you told no one else
All the years producing no results
Still you pretend it’s not your fault
Just give in and cast it in the wind
Just give in and cast it in the wind

Bridge:
Oh, those false convictions cluttering your soul
You’re living the illusion that you have control
Your shiny daytime friends who gave you advice
Won’t return your calls since your days are nights

Chorus:
All the promises you kept to yourself
All the future plans you told no one else
All the years producing no results
Still you pretend it’s not your fault
Just give in and cast it in the wind
Just give in and cast it in the wind

Coda:
Reversals you have felt
The shadows ‘neath your brows
Remind me of myself

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Tue Apr 14th, 2020 06:50 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Apr 10th, 2020 09:36 pm
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Andrea
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Charles, This is sad and gloomy. It is well written and full of emotion. I like the idea "just give in and cast it in the wind." - offers a sense of hope or peace.

In the bridge I wanted to have another word in the last two lines. This would flow better - maybe just the way I am reading/hearing it in my head. Anyway maybe:

Oh, those false convictions muddling your soul
You’re living the illusion that you have control
Your shiny daytime friends who gave you their advice
Won’t return your calls since your days are dark as nights



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 Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2020 12:30 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey charles,

I like this piece and I would love to listen to it with music. I don’t think it’s too dark, in fact I think some of those lines could have been written by me.
I‘m absolutely amazed by the line: Sins, that follow you around, sting until you pray ...this is very good stuff!
The bridge, well I like your and andrea‘s version. The image is very well worked out in both possibilities.
A little thing got my attention...in the first line: Wind chimes on your porch tell you rain is on its way <<< shouldn’t it be „tells“ here?
I think you wanted the chorus that way but I think that somehow a rhyme in there would give this part a little bit more....flow? Energy? Don’t know how to describe it.

Nicely done!
RK



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 Posted: Sat Apr 11th, 2020 08:43 pm
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cmaja
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Andrea wrote:
Charles, This is sad and gloomy. It is well written and full of emotion. I like the idea "just give in and cast it in the wind." - offers a sense of hope or peace.

In the bridge I wanted to have another word in the last two lines. This would flow better - maybe just the way I am reading/hearing it in my head. Anyway maybe:

Oh, those false convictions muddling your soul
You’re living the illusion that you have control
Your shiny daytime friends who gave you their advice
Won’t return your calls since your days are dark as nights


Thanks, Andrea for your positive comments and suggestion. I like your bridge idea. I can’t make up my mind about changing it though. I thought about it for a couple of days and I’m still undecided...

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2020 05:26 am
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RainyDayMan
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I really liked these lines:
It soaks you to the skin but your stains remain
Whispers in your ears tell you pain is here to stay
Your shiny daytime friends who gave you advice
Won’t return your calls since your days are nights


This one felt a little weaker:
Will you stop the tears, will cheers replace complaints

Suggestions:
muddling your soul > muddying your soul
since your days are nights > since your days turned to nights

I like the coda! The "remind me of myself" line is a nice twist!



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 Posted: Mon Apr 13th, 2020 07:05 am
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cmaja
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RainbowKeeper wrote:
Hey charles,

I like this piece and I would love to listen to it with music. I don’t think it’s too dark, in fact I think some of those lines could have been written by me.
I‘m absolutely amazed by the line: Sins, that follow you around, sting until you pray ...this is very good stuff!
The bridge, well I like your and andrea‘s version. The image is very well worked out in both possibilities.
A little thing got my attention...in the first line: Wind chimes on your porch tell you rain is on its way <<< shouldn’t it be „tells“ here?
I think you wanted the chorus that way but I think that somehow a rhyme in there would give this part a little bit more....flow? Energy? Don’t know how to describe it.

Nicely done!
RK


Thanks, RK for your accolades and suggestions. I’ve been thinking about the bridge but no changes yet. The first line is correct. “Chimes” is plural therefore the verb without the “s” is right. Don’t know what you mean about the chorus.

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Apr 14th, 2020 06:59 am
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I really liked these lines:
It soaks you to the skin but your stains remain
Whispers in your ears tell you pain is here to stay
Your shiny daytime friends who gave you advice
Won’t return your calls since your days are nights


This one felt a little weaker:
Will you stop the tears, will cheers replace complaints

Suggestions:
muddling your soul > muddying your soul
since your days are nights > since your days turned to nights

I like the coda! The "remind me of myself" line is a nice twist!


Hey, RD Man... I appreciate your positive review and suggestions. I change “muddling” to “cluttering.” It sing a little smoother now. I think the shortness of the bridge is fine as is. Glad you like it. Thanks,

Charles



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