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Love Before The War
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 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 06:26 pm
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cmaja
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I didn’t have this problem, like some of my comrades did, since my girlfriend dumped me before I joined. CMA

Love Before The War
_____________Verse/Chorus

Verse 1:
Sunlight, through wavy strands of your auburn hair
Highlights surf ‘n’ sand and my soul that’s lost in prayer
Whispers in your voice send flutters up my spine
Like butterflies ascending in a line

Pre-Chorus:
But we’re tied up in war
And I join to fight on distant shores

Chorus:
And life changes with a war
And darkness tangles up the light
But battles somehow lose their roar
As your eyes sparkle through the fight
Flash images of what I’m fighting for
When we fell in love before the war

Verse 2:
Harsh light glares through the smoke from artillery
Hand grenades spray dust and dirt make it hard to see
Whisper of tracers send shudders up my spine
And we fall back at nightfall in a line

Pre-Chorus:
As we’re caught up in war
When will I depart to homeland shores

Chorus:
And life changes with a war
And darkness tangles up the light
But battles somehow lose their roar
As your eyes sparkle through the fight
Flash images of what I’m fighting for
When we fell in love before the war

Bridge:
Your perfumed letter sparks images of your gentle face
My soiled fingers stains pristine pages folded up in place
But the words don’t fit the mem’ries of love I’ve counted on
Seems this letter should be addressed to a guy named John

Chorus:
So life changes with the war
And darkness tangles up the light
But battles somehow lose their roar
As your eyes sparkle through the fight
With images of what I’m fighting for
When we fell in love before the war

Coda:
And I’m left fighting for
The love I had... before the war

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Tue Apr 7th, 2020 08:20 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 10:39 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey charles,

I love it! Specially how you play with the pre-chorus and the butterfly line is also a very nice one! And even the...well in lack of a better word...irony works very fine for me.
I am thinking about the line with the dust and sand...maybe the word sand is a bit to much ?! Just saying that because it’s the only line I had to start reading twice cause there is so much in it. And I think you missed an -s somewhere...tryin to find that line again...am not sure but yeah.
I just hope it’s not to wordy to put it in music.

Very well done!

RK



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 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 11:10 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks, RK, for your review and positive comments. I changed sand to dirt. I think it’ll sing better. I don’t know about the ‘s’ problem...

Charles



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 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 11:26 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Found it...
First line of the bridge:
The perfume on your letter flash images of the softness of your face << is flash correct here? Or should it be flashs? I’m unsure because I know you don’t mean the plural here but if „perfume“ is an „it“.... gosh I dunno. I guess you know it better. Just came to my mind while reading.

I agree, dirt fits better.

Very good!
RK



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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 12:07 am
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cmaja
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Okay, thanks, ‘flash’ should be ‘flashes’. Changed it to ‘sparks’ which works better with ‘stains’ in the next line.

Charles

Last edited on Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 12:34 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 01:39 am
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Andrea
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Charles, first this is really nice. Second, I am so sad about the bridge. I am a sucker for a happy ending, didn't see it coming, and bam :( It totally works though. Great write!

The butterflies line is too good!



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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 03:02 am
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cmaja
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Glad you like it, Andrea... I remember one guy in my squad who, like all of us, had to face death on a regular basis. He was a happy camper, talking about going back to the gal he hoped to marry... Then he gets a Dear John. He was torn up for weeks; totally depressed. A young kid looking forward to living with the love of his life. But back then being in the Army was a little better than being a bum. Sad...

Charles



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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 11:19 am
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SongWriterJoe
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I think you meant "shivers", not shimmers. Great song.

A few observations: The bridge seems a bit wordy and may be difficult to sing; comes off a bit formal for country. Harsh light glisten? Glisten implies softness. Wouldn't "harsh" fare better with glare?

Coda:
And I’m left fighting for
That love I had.,
Before the war

Keep on keepin' on!

SWJ

Last edited on Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 11:32 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 04:28 pm
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cmaja
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Thanks, SW Joe... I made a bunch of changes as a result of your suggestions. Shortened the bridge. It could be another genre or cross genres. Glad you like it! :)

Charles



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 Posted: Sat Apr 4th, 2020 09:07 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Anytime. Glad it helped

SWJ



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 Posted: Mon Apr 6th, 2020 02:35 am
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RainyDayMan
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It's a good one Charles. So many relationships broken up in wars.

As a minor thing, in the pre-chorus "involved" felt a little bland, maybe "tangled" or "caught up" or something like that?



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 Posted: Tue Apr 7th, 2020 08:23 am
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cmaja
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RainyDayMan wrote:
It's a good one Charles. So many relationships broken up in wars.

As a minor thing, in the pre-chorus "involved" felt a little bland, maybe "tangled" or "caught up" or something like that?


Thanks a lot, RD Man... Got rid of “involved.” Sounds better!

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Jun 3rd, 2020 10:46 pm
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rick mat
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Liked the lyrics a lot I am a producer songwriter who has a great young artist I am looking for someone to collaborate on lyrics with if you are interested please email my name is rick poems2songs@gmail.com heres a song i finished a few months ago

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 Posted: Sat Jun 6th, 2020 07:48 am
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cmaja
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Thanks, Rick for the invite. I’d love to do a collaboration for a young artist. I’ll be in contact. Cheers,

Charles



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