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Andrea
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
Andrea wrote: What great advice. We should do some more thinking and tinkering. Wish I had a producer friend too 
Yes. We all need to leverage our resources. Grow your network intentionally.
I made good progress on the accompaniment recording today.
But we need to get back to work on the lyrics. Feel free to jump into the suggestions given and try writing something. Thanks.
I need to work tomorrow for a while and then I will jump in as time allows.
- Sketch
I will look at the lyrics tomorrow. I am working on 5 hours of sleep and starting to lose focus. Not sure how to grow my network, but am listening to all advice. Talk soon
____________________
Andrea
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Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
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Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
Here's a great review of the current lyrics set from a record Producer friend of mine.
Any thoughts on this?
- Sketch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Sketch,
Cool song. I feel like it could be really catchy. I think you have a good sense of phrases that would work good in a song. I wouldn’t have thought to use that when I said it. But common phrases like that seem to work well.
Some constructive criticism would be that I think the first line of the song needs to be stronger. Something that gets people’s attention and makes them want to know more. Also, if you can set the tone of the song right away, that’s good too. Right now, I have no idea that you are talking about the virus until the 2nd half of the 2nd verse. If someone heard this song 10 years from now, and had no idea what was going on in the world when it was written, they’d probably be really confused.
One idea, instead of saying that “thing” goin round’, replace “thing” with a different word each verse. Like the first verse could be virus, then plague, sickness, layoffs. I’d brainstorm a bunch of words that have to do with what’s going on and see what fits.
A few more words:
Pink slips
Bio weapon
Bad news
Fake news
Panic
fear
Hoarders
Those are a few to get started. Just my $.02
-Aaron
Okay, not really a finished product, but maybe something to work with?
Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town
Cover your mouth
and wash your hands
That's the news
across the land
ten people or less
six feet apart
parties are busted
before they start
store shelves empty
parking lot's full
Infection rates rise
As stock markets falls
Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town
Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town
Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands
over the seas
and over the dale
targets the sick
as well as the frail
nonessentials
work from home
so they can avert
the killer syndrome
Rainbows in widows
to calm the fear
offering hope
and Springtime cheer
Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands
Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town
____________________
Andrea
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Andrea wrote: Motorist Sketchbook wrote:
Here's a great review of the current lyrics set from a record Producer friend of mine.
Any thoughts on this?
- Sketch
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey Sketch,
Cool song. I feel like it could be really catchy. I think you have a good sense of phrases that would work good in a song. I wouldn’t have thought to use that when I said it. But common phrases like that seem to work well.
Some constructive criticism would be that I think the first line of the song needs to be stronger. Something that gets people’s attention and makes them want to know more. Also, if you can set the tone of the song right away, that’s good too. Right now, I have no idea that you are talking about the virus until the 2nd half of the 2nd verse. If someone heard this song 10 years from now, and had no idea what was going on in the world when it was written, they’d probably be really confused.
One idea, instead of saying that “thing” goin round’, replace “thing” with a different word each verse. Like the first verse could be virus, then plague, sickness, layoffs. I’d brainstorm a bunch of words that have to do with what’s going on and see what fits.
A few more words:
Pink slips
Bio weapon
Bad news
Fake news
Panic
fear
Hoarders
Those are a few to get started. Just my $.02
-Aaron
Okay, not really a finished product, but maybe something to work with?
Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town
Cover your mouth
and wash your hands
That's the news
across the land
ten people or less
six feet apart
parties are busted
before they start
store shelves empty
parking lot's full
Infection rates rise
As stock markets falls
Have you heard
bout that virus around
Seems to be spreadin' -
all over town
Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town
Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands
over the seas
and over the dale
targets the sick
as well as the frail
nonessentials
work from home
so they can avert
the killer syndrome
Rainbows in widows
to calm the fear
offering hope
and Springtime cheer
Have you heard
a pandemics at hand
Seems to be spreadin' -
across the lands
Hard to keep
from gettin' - you down
trying to live (survive)
in a ghost town
I see lots of good ideas there. Thanks.
Not a finished piece, as you said. But another step in the right direction.
- Sketch
PS -- I should have some time tomorrow to give all this a harder look.
Thanks again for your efforts, I appreciate it.
The accompaniment is coming along nicely. I keep listening to it over and over.
Usually a good sign. Hard to imagine that it sounded like crap three days ago. - lol
____________________
Blue Collar Road Scholar
Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
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Motorist Sketchbook
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I feel the need at this point to clarify my objectives on this piece
before I move forward.This is primarily for my own clarity of purpose.
But will serve to inform others. And speaks to the process of songwriting
and shows how I stay on track personally.
I have appreciated the help I have received, but I need to stay on track
with my original intention while I build the final item. "A camel is a horse built by committee.",
as the saying goes. So, I certainly want to avoid that outcome. A statement
at this point is the best way for me to stay focused and will be the best way to
view the outcome of this set of revisions.
My original intention was to apply the saying, "There's a lot of that going around.",
which was actually in reference to a company closing, to the current virus and to
everything that goes with it. Like the aforementioned company closing. BUT...
the saying has far-reaching application, since it was in common use long
before COVID19. So, I want to keep this thought in mind while we
move forward with some terrific additions.
Having defined the scope of the project we can begin to build into it the other
aspects.Aaron's comment about grounding this song historically in the current event
is a must. Ten or twenty years down the road, I want this current event
to be the obvious timestamp.
Beyond that we have a whole list of items we are building into the song.
Thanks againto the participants that gave this song a national and global perspective.
The final thing is the conclusion statement at the end of the song that developed
in this last revision. Rather than be satisfied with a historic statement, or simply as a
complaining rant, I feel the need to add a message of hope from my perspective.
This is a part of the larger purpose of my music as a whole. To make a statement.
I need to remain true to myself and my convictions. (but remain respectful of others)
Which is a tall order sometimes.
- Sketch
Last edited on Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 01:24 pm by Motorist Sketchbook
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Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
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Andrea
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Sketch, Always thought of this as your song. Just wanted to add some ideas - use or lose any and all. The last ideas were not meant to be a replacement, so was not written in that way with the repetition and ending. Just throwing out ideas per request. Stepping back and I'll look forward to hearing your song.
____________________
Andrea
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Andrea wrote: Sketch, Always thought of this as your song. Just wanted to add some ideas - use or lose any and all. The last ideas were not meant to be a replacement, so was not written in that way with the repetition and ending. Just throwing out ideas per request. Stepping back and I'll look forward to hearing your song.
No worries. Sorry if you felt slapped around by my post. Not my intention.
I appreciate your help and completely understood your stance and did not feel anything was being taken from me.
I'm working on the FINAL FINAL draft now. Your comments are ALWAYS welcome. Thanks.
- Sketch
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Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
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Motorist Sketchbook
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Okay. A FINAL FINAL (meaningless term - lol) draft is posted to the OP (post #1).
Any more suggestions for changes accepted now.Plan is to record vocals Saturday 04/04/2020.
Biggest changes made here were to the first verse, the beginning of each verse AND
mostly to the chorus, to make it MORE generic. (the original idea)Again, special thanks to Andrea, RK and Aaron G.
- Sketch
____________________
Blue Collar Road Scholar
Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
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