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The Vanishing Place
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 Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2020 09:08 pm
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charlesmccullough
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A new one for your consideration. This started out as a short, hastily written poem. After finishing the poem I realized that I had the makings of a song. Thanks for listening and for your thoughts.

Demo: https://youtu.be/psnFIlbs9vk

Edited, Mar 25, 2020 to revise lyrics. Note that these lyrics will now differ from the video. Main change is the last line in the chorus.

The Vanishing Place
©2020, Charles McCullough

You drift on the smoke from the fire we sparked
I lay awake shivering as embers go dark,
You fade with the stars that abandon the dawn
I hold fast the night, spite the day coming on
I hold fast the night, spite the day coming on

CHORUS
We both know the way to the vanishing place
Hiding in daylight, not leaving a trace,
Follow the trail of tears in the snow
Holding on tight to the lines that we wrote

I conjure your spirit with the spirits I pour
For the ghost of my chances, I unlatch the door,
Then fall into bed, my pillow embraced
Your scent has gone missing, it too left in haste
Your scent has gone missing, it too left in haste

We both know the way to the vanishing place
Hiding in daylight, not leaving a trace,
Follow the trail of tears in the snow
Holding on tight to the lines that we wrote

Alone with your presence, I call out your name
And hope you’ve fared better than me, all the same,
My leaving train beckons, its lonesome bell tolls
I’ll ride from my troubles, but not from your ghost
I’ll ride from my troubles, but not from your ghost

We both know the way to the vanishing place
Hiding in daylight, not leaving a trace,
Follow the trail of tears in the snow
Holding on tight to the lines that we wrote,
Holding on tight to the lines that we wrote

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Martin D18 guitar and vocal: Charles
Recording technical details: Recorded at Above the Garage Studios on March 12, 2020. One stereo microphone into a Mac laptop. This was the first of four takes.

Last edited on Wed Mar 25th, 2020 06:42 pm by charlesmccullough



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 Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2020 12:53 am
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Andrea
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Hi Charles, I really love this. I read the lyrics first, and found them well written and quite moving. I enjoyed the music, but would have liked a little variation.

A couple small things:

First, The words in the last line of V1 you sing are slightly different than what you have written. I like it either way.

Second, Maybe I am missing something in the story, but the last line in the Chorus doesn't fit well for me:"Most everyone knows". The story feels more personal to me, so everyone knowing felt off. Maybe something more like, dark as the days grow.



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 Posted: Mon Mar 23rd, 2020 02:03 am
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RainyDayMan
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This is great Charles. Has such a lot of atmosphere! And the minimalist treatment with just vocals and guitar suits it perfectly.

Well done!



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 Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2020 12:17 am
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charlesmccullough
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Hey Andrea - Thanks for your kind words. And for drawing attention to the line: "holding a secret most everyone knows". Those are indeed very personal words. And they're as true as they are purposefully cryptic. But I've come to have lingering thoughts about the not so veiled bitterness in the words. And after thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably regret writing that in the not so distant future.

So I went back to the chorus and thought about ending it with a more kind sentiment. Like: I hope you don't forget what we had. Here's what I came up with:

We both know the way
To the vanishing place,
Hiding in daylight
Not leaving a trace,
Follow the trail
Of tears in the snow,
And try to hold on
To the lines that we wrote
Try to hold on
To the lines that we wrote

I'm now singing it over and over to myself. And each time I do, 'snow' rhymes with 'wrote' a little bit better. I think it may work.

Peace,
Charles

Last edited on Tue Mar 24th, 2020 12:26 am by charlesmccullough



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 Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2020 12:23 am
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charlesmccullough
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Thanks RainyDayMan. I've thought about instrumentation for this tune and so far, I keep coming back to liking the sparse guitar and vocals. Or maybe something just shy of a Norwegian Wood treatment. Andrea mentioned there was a sameness to the verses and choruses - and I agree. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. If anything, when I record it, I'll ramp up the emotions during the chorus.

Last edited on Tue Mar 24th, 2020 12:28 am by charlesmccullough



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 Posted: Tue Mar 24th, 2020 12:23 am
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Andrea
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charlesmccullough wrote:
Hey Andrea - Thanks for your kind words. And for drawing attention to the line: "holding a secret most everyone knows". Those are indeed very personal words. And they're as true as they are purposefully cryptic. But I've come to have lingering thoughts about the not so veiled bitterness in the words. And after thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably regret writing that in the not so distant future.

So I went back to the chorus and thought about ending it with a more kind sentiment. Like: I hope you don't forget what we had. Here's what I came up with:

We both know the way
To the vanishing place,
Hiding in daylight
Not leaving a trace,
Follow the trail
Of tears in the snow,
And try to hold on
To the lines that we wrote
Try to hold on
To the lines that we wrote

I'm now singing it over and over to myself. And each time I do, 'snow' rhymes with 'wrote' a little bit better. I think it may work.

Peace,
Charles


Hi Charles, I love these new lines. I could imagine what the others may meant, but I think these new lines are beautiful. I hope you like them and it works for you .



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 Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2020 07:15 am
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cmaja
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Hi, Charles... This song is well done all the way through. Guitar work is excellent, fitting the lyrics superbly. Singing is smooth and your voice is clarion. I didn’t even need to follow the written lyrics! Great job!

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2020 10:00 am
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ChrisPrice
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This is a great song. I love the acoustic guitar and the vocal and lyrics are fabulous. I can't say too much as there's nothing to criticise in my book. I can well hear this being covered by someone famous, though I somehow doubt that's your aim. Brilliant!:)

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 Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2020 06:35 pm
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charlesmccullough
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cmaja - thanks a lot!



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 Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2020 06:36 pm
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charlesmccullough
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ChrisPrice - thanks for your encouragement! And to be clear, if you know any famous performers, feel free to send them my way. ;)



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