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Songs By Tears
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 Posted: Thu Mar 19th, 2020 05:19 pm
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cmaja
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I had this idea in my files and finally wrote it. It took a few days of rewriting to get it right... I hope. CMA

Songs By Tears
____________Verse/Chorus

Verse 1:
The nightingale’s lone song haunts me still
Your likeness sits upon the window sill
Shadows stripe the walls from bright street lights
Like notes, we played so well, of black and white

Chorus:
Now my fingers fight the keys
And my heart can’t understand
Why love has disappeared
So I play our songs... by tears

(Short instrumental break)

Verse 2:
Your fragrance still rises from the keys
Stirs melodies, I play, and memories
But these songs have mostly minor chords
Like the note you left with those parting words

Chorus:
And my fingers fight the keys
And my heart can’t understand
Why love has disappeared
So I play our songs... by tears

Bridge:
Always thought you’d stay by my side
Always thought our love wouldn’t die
Songs, we sang so well, showed love so true
But now our song... is through

(Short instrumental break)

Verse 3:
I tiptoe up the stairs quietly
Remembering how you so lightly sleep
Soft sounds of night sing in harmony
Like songs I play while my piano weeps

Chorus:
And my fingers fight the keys
And my heart can’t understand
Why love has disappeared
So I play our songs... by tears

(Short instrumental coda)

© 2020 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Sun Mar 22nd, 2020 07:15 pm by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2020 07:46 am
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RainyDayMan
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Solid Charles!

The first verse is my favorite. I like the rhythm of it, fell into it straight away.
Really strong images like"
Shadows stripe the walls from bright street lights

Chorus is very smooth.
I like the double meaning on playing by tears.

You might consider:
That love has disappeared > Why love has disappeared

Minor thing
rise > rises

In this line:
The melodies, I play, replay memories
you might try replay > recalls
it loses the internal line but I prefer the sound

But these songs have mostly minor chords >
But these songs have only minor chords

I feel like the last line of the bridge could have some tie back to the musical theme, but it's not a biggie.

V3 is another strong one. I particularly like:
I tiptoe up the stairway quietly
Remembering how you so lightly sleep


Feels like a good one!



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 Posted: Fri Mar 20th, 2020 08:19 am
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cmaja
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Thanks, RD Man... I incorporated most of your suggestions. I’m leaving “mostly minor chords” since I don’t know of too many songs with only minor chords. The “rises” correction required me to tighten that line and line 1 of verses 1 and 3 slightly, but I think it sounds just as good.

I thought the, Shadows stripe the walls from bright street lights, line was kinda weak. Maybe not...

I appreciate your input.

Charles

Last edited on Fri Mar 20th, 2020 08:29 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2020 02:58 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey there,
I have to say your verses are very good but the chorus is amazing! I heared music in my mind only by reading this piece, and that is always a good sign 😉
The only thing I think about is the bridge. I would love if you can bring a second musical „image“ in there!? I guess it would make this part stronger and it would connect more with all you’ve written.
Thinking about stuff like „we sang a duet“ or „the song of love we sang together“... something like that. I guess you know what I mean.

Very impressive!
Tgc
RK



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 Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2020 03:53 am
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cmaja
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RainbowKeeper wrote:
Hey there,
I have to say your verses are very good but the chorus is amazing! I heared music in my mind only by reading this piece, and that is always a good sign 😉
The only thing I think about is the bridge. I would love if you can bring a second musical „image“ in there!? I guess it would make this part stronger and it would connect more with all you’ve written.
Thinking about stuff like „we sang a duet“ or „the song of love we sang together“... something like that. I guess you know what I mean.

Very impressive!
Tgc
RK


Thanks, RBK, for your review, supportive comments and suggestion. I’ll have to look at the bridge with you suggestion in mind. You have an excellent idea!

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2020 07:17 pm
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cmaja
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Okay, Rainbow Keeper, I changed the bridge. I think it sounds better. I hope you like it. Sincerely,

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Mar 22nd, 2020 07:45 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey charles,

Yep I like it a lot now. It’s more in the whole picture now.

Well done!

RK



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 Posted: Wed Mar 25th, 2020 06:39 pm
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Andrea
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This is beautiful Charles. The imagery is top notch. It is looking pretty tight - I love it.



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 Posted: Fri Mar 27th, 2020 08:36 am
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cmaja
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Thanks, Andrea... That means a lot to me. When I first wrote this, slightly different from the final version, I didn’t think it was that good and toiled over it all night. I reread it in the morning, made some minor changes, and felt it was good enough to post. Sometimes I’m my worst critic. I’m really happy you like it!

Charles



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