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| Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 01:15 am |
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Andrea
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I have been wanting to write something praising the love of God. With the beginning of Lent, I felt the time was right - plus this came streaming from my head today. I welcome all constructive criticism and thoughts to help me make this better.
Don't You Know
You've led a double life
your heart is torn in two
lost sight from all the good
you believed that you once knew
fell to the sins of man
you've been led astray
allowed the black and white
blend into a hazy grey
Chorus
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you
You say you want redemption
turn over a new stone
you don't need to be afraid
for you are not alone
The path of righteousness
a path from grift to grace
shining ever brighter
until you find your place
Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you
Bridge
Where there is fear
there is condemnation
where is there is doubt
there is regret
where there is faith
there is forgiveness
where there is God
there is love
You've led a double life
your heart torn in two
lost sight from all the good
that was once a part of you
fell to the sins of man
you were led astray
today with true intent
solemnly you pray
Pray for strength to make a change
of a story not yet told
finding the glory of God
turns a heart of steel to gold
Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside youLast edited on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 04:32 pm by Andrea
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Andrea
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| Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 05:10 am |
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cmaja
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This is very good, Andrea. I feel it needs to be tightened up and smoothed out a bit. For example:
You've led a double life
your heart’s torn in two
You’ve lost sight of the good
that your heart once knew
And:
Chorus
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
He forgives all your sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He’s always beside you
Capitalize He when referring to our Lord.
And:
Bridge
Where there is fear
there is condemnation
where there is doubt
there’s self-accusation
where there is faith
there’s heaven above
where there is God
there is love
And the like. But overall it’s very moving.
Charles
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All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 02:30 pm |
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Andrea
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Thanks Charles for the compliments and the feedback. Not capitalizing he was a bad mistake - corrected. I will think about your suggestions and work on tweaking some of the lines in the next couple of days.
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Andrea
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| Posted: Wed Mar 4th, 2020 02:10 am |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 4th, 2020 05:11 pm |
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5th Post |
Andrea
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Thanks Sketch!
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Andrea
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| Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 11:41 pm |
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MASempine
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I've learned (from visits to Another Forum) to watch for certain key words. I think CMAJA means well but "needs tightening up" is the word they use at the other place to mean "let me help you ruin your song."
There they use technical writing good practices and journalistic good practices to strip your verse of its personality--of its character--of its "YOU"
I'm glad you didn't change your lyrics. They were "close enough to perfect" for me.
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What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
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| Posted: Fri Jul 31st, 2020 12:21 am |
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Andrea
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Thank you so much MASempine. I wrote this awhile back, but as I reread my own lyrics, I still love them. They make me feel good. Peace 
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Andrea
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| Posted: Wed Aug 5th, 2020 04:31 am |
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MASempine
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Peace in the valley and peace on the hills
Peace in sadness when heaven instills
Love for your neighbor and her love returned
Sleep well My child My lesson you've learned
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What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
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| Posted: Mon Jan 18th, 2021 04:12 pm |
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Misanthropist
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Andrea wrote:
I have been wanting to write something praising the love of God. With the beginning of Lent, I felt the time was right - plus this came steaming from my head today. I welcome all constructive criticism and thoughts to help me make this better.
Don't You Know
You've led a double life
your heart is torn in two
lost sight from all the good
you believed that you once knew
fell to the sins of man
you've been led astray
allowed the black and white
blend into a hazy grey
Chorus
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you
You say you want redemption
turn over a new stone
you don't need to be afraid
for you are not alone
The path of righteousness
a path from grift to grace
shining ever brighter
until you find your place
Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you
Bridge
Where there is fear
there is condemnation
where is there is doubt
there is regret
where there is faith
there is forgiveness
where there is God
there is love
You've led a double life
your heart torn in two
lost sight from all the good
that was once a part of you
fell to the sins of man
you were led astray
today with true intent
solemnly you pray
Pray for strength to make a change
of a story not yet told
finding the glory of God
turns a heart of steel to gold
Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you
I pray oh God I've let you down god
God just grumbles "I know you silly sod"
So now I guess I've got nothing to confess
I'll sin more and more in order to impress...
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21st, 2021 12:08 pm |
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derrickhand300
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Hard to give criticism on this because its PERFECT!
My favorite part of the song are the first two paragraphs ( they made me want to read more)
You've led a double life
your heart is torn in two
lost sight from all the good
you believed that you once knew
fell to the sins of man
you've been led astray
allowed the black and white
blend into a hazy grey
This is the first of yours i've seen= I knew they would be good because of the feedback you offer other-But Its PERFECT
You've led a double life
your heart is torn in two
Heart being torn in two and double life seems to have a greater meaning than the sum of its parts- that makes it specialLast edited on Thu Jan 21st, 2021 12:13 pm by derrickhand300
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When You're A Hammer- The Whole Word Is A Nail
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| Posted: Thu Jan 21st, 2021 04:38 pm |
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11th Post |
Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
| Posts: | 1995 |
| Favorite Artist: | Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses | | I am a: | Songwriter |
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Thank you D so very much. You have made my day with your compliments
I looked for your post in the collaboration section, but don't see it yet. I am interested to know what you are looking for as a collab.
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Andrea
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