The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Don't You Know
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 12:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1370
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I have been wanting to write something praising the love of God. With the beginning of Lent, I felt the time was right - plus this came steaming from my head today. I welcome all constructive criticism and thoughts to help me make this better.

Don't You Know

You've led a double life
your heart is torn in two
lost sight from all the good
you believed that you once knew

fell to the sins of man
you've been led astray
allowed the black and white
blend into a hazy grey

Chorus
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you

You say you want redemption
turn over a new stone
you don't need to be afraid
for you are not alone

The path of righteousness
a path from grift to grace
shining ever brighter
until you find your place

Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you

Bridge
Where there is fear
there is condemnation
where is there is doubt
there is regret
where there is faith
there is forgiveness
where there is God
there is love

You've led a double life
your heart torn in two
lost sight from all the good
that was once a part of you

fell to the sins of man
you were led astray
today with true intent
solemnly you pray

Pray for strength to make a change
of a story not yet told
finding the glory of God
turns a heart of steel to gold

Chorus (as above)
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
that He forgives all sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He is always there beside you

Last edited on Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 01:19 pm by Andrea



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 04:10 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 911
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
This is very good, Andrea. I feel it needs to be tightened up and smoothed out a bit. For example:

You've led a double life
your heart’s torn in two
You’ve lost sight of the good
that your heart once knew

And:

Chorus
Don't you know
He understands your faults
don't you know
He forgives all your sins
don't you know
when your heart is true
He’s always beside you

Capitalize He when referring to our Lord.

And:

Bridge
Where there is fear
there is condemnation
where there is doubt
there’s self-accusation
where there is faith
there’s heaven above
where there is God
there is love

And the like. But overall it’s very moving.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 01:30 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1370
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Charles for the compliments and the feedback. Not capitalizing he was a bad mistake - corrected. I will think about your suggestions and work on tweaking some of the lines in the next couple of days.



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Mar 4th, 2020 01:10 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
Motorist Sketchbook
Member


Joined: Sat Apr 28th, 2018
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts: 1096
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like it. Good job.

- Sketch



____________________
Blue Collar Road Scholar

Motorist Sketchbook - SoundCloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Mar 4th, 2020 04:11 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1370
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Sketch!



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 10:41 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 143
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I've learned (from visits to Another Forum) to watch for certain key words. I think CMAJA means well but "needs tightening up" is the word they use at the other place to mean "let me help you ruin your song."

There they use technical writing good practices and journalistic good practices to strip your verse of its personality--of its character--of its "YOU"

I'm glad you didn't change your lyrics. They were "close enough to perfect" for me.



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jul 30th, 2020 11:21 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1370
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thank you so much MASempine. I wrote this awhile back, but as I reread my own lyrics, I still love them. They make me feel good. Peace :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Aug 5th, 2020 03:31 am
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
MASempine
Member


Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 143
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Peace in the valley and peace on the hills
Peace in sadness when heaven instills
Love for your neighbor and her love returned
Sleep well My child My lesson you've learned



____________________
What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
Back To Top


Current time is 04:20 pm

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1814 seconds (19% database + 81% PHP). 27 queries executed.