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white roses
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Feb 22nd, 2020 01:02 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
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hey there,today is a special day for me, because one of my all time fave heroines in history was executed 77 years ago today. I once tried to write her a song and I normally sing it on days like today. So this time I said to myself.... why not posting it wondering what others might say.... well here it is...
WHITE ROSE


Some white petals are flying in the fresh wind
Like your written down thoughts did it long ago
Clear thoughts through a time full of fears and nightmares
Where truth was starving and love was a shadow
In a cruel time where the devil himself ruled
And while all the independent thinking paused
You have brought the rainbow back to the dark sky
You have tried to break what the terror had caused


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her death have been in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially if the darkness is creeping around, again.


They have hid themselves behind empty slogans
But you have seen the whole truth with your own eyes
And they’ve built a world full of prejudices
But you’ve started to fight against all those lies
They’ve been marching behind strange flags and crosses
And you’ve noted that demons were on their way
An’ your fight will be never in vain, Sophie
You and your friends are needed here even today


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her death have been in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially if the darkness is creeping around, again.


What haven’t you done, what you should have done?
Many things.
Why haven‘t you done them?
Because I was afraid.
Why have you been afraid?
Because I didn’t want to die.
Did others have died because you didn’t want to die?
I think so.


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her life have been in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially if the darkness is creeping around, again.


Some white petals are flying in the fresh wind
Like your written down thoughts did it long ago
Clear thoughts through a time full of fears and nightmares
Where truth was starving and love was a shadow
In a cruel time where the devil himself ruled
And while all the independent thinking paused
You have brought the rainbow back to the dark sky
You have tried to break what the terror had caused


W & M by Ian P./ © by Ian P./ 22.08.2007/ for: VALENTINE+B//F.Peee...



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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Mon Feb 24th, 2020 08:15 am
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RainyDayMan
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Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 6885
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
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I really like this. You've mentioned elsewhere that some of your songs sound like epic ballads, and this feels like it might be one of those.

I wasn't familiar with Sophie Scholl's story but I'm glad that I am now. She, and her friends were clearly very brave.

There's a beauty to this, and really all I think it needs is to remove some superfluous words and make it a bit more concise.
Perhaps simplify and standardise the tense from the past perfect (have brought) to simple past (brought).

So here is a suggested revision for you to ignore or use as you see fit

White petals flying in the fresh wind
Like your written notes from so long ago
(or; Like the leaflets you printed so long ago)
Clear thoughts in a time full of fears and nightmares
When truth was starving and love was a shadow
In a cruel time when the devil himself ruled
And all the independent thinking paused
You brought the rainbow back to the dark sky
You tried to break what the terror had caused


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her death be in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially if the darkness is creeping around, again.


They hid themselves behind empty slogans
You saw the whole truth with your very own eyes
And they built a world full of prejudices
But you started a fight against all those lies
They marched behind strange flags and crosses
And you noted that demons were on their way
An’ your fight will be never in vain, Sophie
You and your friends are needed here even today


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her death be in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially if the darkness is creeping around, again.


What haven’t you done? What should you have done?
Many things.
Why haven‘t you done them?
Because I was afraid.
Why have you been afraid?
Because I didn’t want to die.
Did others die because you didn’t want to die?
I think so.


White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
White rose.
Don’t let her life have been in vain.
White rose.
Don’t forget her, all her fears and pain.
Especially when the darkness is creeping around, again.


White petals flying in the fresh wind
Like your written notes from so long ago
Clear thoughts in a time full of fears and nightmares
When truth was starving and love was a shadow
In a cruel time when the devil himself ruled
And all the independent thinking paused
You brought back the rainbow back to the dark sky
You tried to break what the terror had caused



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 Posted: Mon Feb 24th, 2020 08:49 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 527
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Hey, ty for your input. I’ll read it closely!
Glad that I let your wisdom grow by introducing you to one of Germany’s greatest heroines. She should be a role model for us all.
The c-part of the song „What haven’t you done what you should have done...“ is taken out of a famous book called interview with Sophie Scholl (written long after she was killed) and it was the slogan of my the last school I went to (Sophie-Scholl-School-for higher education and social subjects). The words were written above the main door and that’s how I got inspired.
And yeah you are right, this is one of the strongest epic ballads I have ever written.



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Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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 Posted: Sun Mar 1st, 2020 10:59 pm
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4th Post
Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2018
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
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Hi RK, What a wonderful tribute to a deserving heroic person. As I read through your lyrics, I thought that is just needed a cleaning up. RDM did a really nice job tightening things up. If you choose to do some tweaking, maybe you should post this one in the lyrics lounge. Very nice!



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Andrea
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 Posted: Mon Mar 2nd, 2020 12:54 am
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5th Post
RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 527
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I am a: Singer/Songwriter
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Tyvm miss co-writer ;)



____________________
Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

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