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Martian girl (new original)
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 Posted: Thu Feb 13th, 2020 08:22 pm
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highvibrational
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Hi all,
I just wrote this song, inspired by my experiences as a performer at Strawberry Fields, New York. I'd love your thoughts. Thank you.

https://youtu.be/EIjcOzrWEmM

Has a Martian come from outer space?
Hat pulled down can’t see her face
Is she a part of the human race?
So strange to see her in this place
By place, I mean Strawberry Fields
By place, where the world congeals

Greyish gills, webbed hands and feet
Can she strum and move to a beat?
I’ve never seen an alien before
Makes no sense in Beatles lore
What is that? Who is she?
Is she a Yoko wannabe?
Can’t make sense of this mystery
An Asian speaks English to you or me?
And sings a song?
Hey, the world’s gone wrong!

Who am I? An anomaly? I mean really!
Let’s open our minds and think just a little more freely
Huh? K? What do you say? Hey!

I was born in Cali, by the Bay
Yeah that’s in the USA
I’m K-American, that’s true
That’s Korean-American to me and you

I have grown to be wild and free
Simple as the fruited trees
Denim patches on dungarees
Butterflies on my knees

I said what? Simple as the fruited trees
I said what? Butterflies on my knees

I sang and took guitar in school
And you know that golden rule
Practice ‘til the cows come home
Then throw yourself a meaty bone
‘Til you have it in your system
‘Til you can really hug and kiss them

If I'm a Martian, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

I have the goods, isn’t it fine
Starlight embedded in my spine
Rose theater grand sublime
I hold my place and take my time
I sing to the spirits, voice so bold
All from distant lands to behold
An alien lady strumming her lute
Joy in motion, love to boot

If I make them think a little
Turn their heads and cause a giggle
Open their eyes oh so wide
It’s OK, that’s my right

We’re all the same underneath the package
Just a different bobble head instead
Singing with my Epiphone
In the name of the universal ONE
I’m an Internationalien
Which means I’m more than a Pygmalion
Too many strands to name, I sigh
And that’s no lie, sugar pie

Busting through to the sky
Busting through, pie in the sky

I'm a Martian girl, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

Last edited on Fri Feb 14th, 2020 01:46 pm by highvibrational



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 Posted: Thu Feb 13th, 2020 09:22 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like the rhythm and flow of the lyric - just what you want for a rap/beat song.

The "By place" and "I said what" repetitions works well.

I really liked the "I have grown to be wild and free" verse.
Very appealing.

I think the "Martian" theme works well. Gives a sense of being in the middle of a crowd of people, yet at the same time feeling apart and different.

Enjoyed it.



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 Posted: Thu Feb 13th, 2020 10:03 pm
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moptop
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This made me smile from ear to ear, I love it! I think this would sound great with some music behind it, either spoken or sung!

Thanks again for the smile! :bigsmile



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 Posted: Fri Feb 14th, 2020 12:47 pm
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highvibrational
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RainyDayMan wrote:
I like the rhythm and flow of the lyric - just what you want for a rap/beat song.

The "By place" and "I said what" repetitions works well.

I really liked the "I have grown to be wild and free" verse.
Very appealing.

I think the "Martian" theme works well. Gives a sense of being in the middle of a crowd of people, yet at the same time feeling apart and different.

Enjoyed it.


Thanks so much Rainy Day Man. I enjoy your work too. :)



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 Posted: Fri Feb 14th, 2020 12:55 pm
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highvibrational
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moptop wrote:
This made me smile from ear to ear, I love it! I think this would sound great with some music behind it, either spoken or sung!

Thanks again for the smile! :bigsmile


Thank you Moptop. I'm so happy to make you smile. I was smiling as I was making this video. As Scorsese says, "the most personal is the most creative."



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 Posted: Sat Feb 15th, 2020 12:39 am
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jamestoffee
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Nice experimenting. You get a good sense of when the lyrics fit the groove and when they stumble, and the importance of repetition.

Consider adding a musical motif/reprise as a chorus….most obvious would be something psychedelic/Strawberry Fields(ish)...For example, sing the musical phrase for

“Let me take you down cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields”

with your words

“I'm a Martian girl, AND I’m full of light”


Lyrically, you have a lot of great imagery, both from around the location as well as the mystic/universe imagery of the Martian Girl….However, the overall structure could use some tweaking and refocusing.

This section could be cut because the rest of the song is basically a different/restarted song, so consider developing this point of view from an audience/passerby for the whole song, or cut it…OR make it fit the first person point of view….

Has a Martian come from outer space?
Hat pulled down can’t see her face
Is she a part of the human race?
So strange to see her in this place
By place, I mean Strawberry Fields
By place, where the world congeals

Greyish gills, webbed hands and feet
Can she strum and move to a beat?
I’ve never seen an alien before
Makes no sense in Beatles lore
What is that? Who is she?
Is she a Yoko wannabe?
Can’t make sense of this mystery
An Asian speaks English to you or me?
And sings a song?
Hey, the world’s gone wrong!

…OR make it fit the first person point of view….

REVISED FOR 1ST PERSON

I’M A Martian from outer space?
Hat pulled down YOU can’t see MY face
MAYBE a part of the human race
IS IT REALLY strange to see ME in this place
By place, I mean Strawberry Fields
By place, where the worldS congeal

Greyish gills, webbed hands and feet
I CAN strum A GUITAR and move to a beat?
HAVEN’T YOU seen an alien before
DOESN’T MAKE sense in Beatles lore
Who AM I? PLAYING THESE STREETS
MAYBE JUST A Yoko wannabe?
Can’t make sense of this mystery
An Asian speakING English HOW CAN IT BE?
And sings a song?
Hey, the world’s gone wrong!


This is a shift in the point of view to first person, but there are no clues as to how, or why it’s happening, and basically the song could start here because it’s the focus of the rest of the song answering the question “Who is the singer?”

Who am I? An anomaly? I mean really!
Let’s open our minds and think just a little more freely
Huh? K? What do you say? Hey!

I was born in Cali, by the Bay
Yeah that’s in the USA
I’m K-American, that’s true
That’s Korean-American to me and you

I have grown to be wild and free
Simple as the fruited trees
Denim patches on dungarees
Butterflies on my knees

I said what? Simple as the fruited trees
I said what? Butterflies on my knees

I sang and took guitar in school
And you know that golden rule
Practice ‘til the cows come home
Then throw yourself a meaty bone
‘Til you have it in your system
‘Til you can really hug and kiss them

If I'm a Martian, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

I have the goods, isn’t it fine
Starlight embedded in my spine
Rose theater grand sublime
I hold my place and take my time
I sing to the spirits, voice so bold
All from distant lands to behold
An alien lady strumming her lute
Joy in motion, love to boot

If I make them think a little
Turn their heads and cause a giggle
Open their eyes oh so wide
It’s OK, that’s my right

We’re all the same underneath the package
Just a different bobble head instead
Singing with my Epiphone
In the name of the universal ONE
I’m an Internationalien
Which means I’m more than a Pygmalion
Too many strands to name, I sigh
And that’s no lie, sugar pie

Busting through to the sky
Busting through, pie in the sky

I'm a Martian girl, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

Thanks for sharing.

James

Last edited on Sat Feb 15th, 2020 12:41 am by jamestoffee



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 09:18 pm
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Andrea
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This was fun. It totally reminded me of Blondie's Rapture .(a big hit) I think adding some music is a good suggestion.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 18th, 2020 01:32 pm
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highvibrational
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jamestoffee wrote:
Nice experimenting. You get a good sense of when the lyrics fit the groove and when they stumble, and the importance of repetition.

Consider adding a musical motif/reprise as a chorus….most obvious would be something psychedelic/Strawberry Fields(ish)...For example, sing the musical phrase for

“Let me take you down cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields”

with your words

“I'm a Martian girl, AND I’m full of light”


Lyrically, you have a lot of great imagery, both from around the location as well as the mystic/universe imagery of the Martian Girl….However, the overall structure could use some tweaking and refocusing.

This section could be cut because the rest of the song is basically a different/restarted song, so consider developing this point of view from an audience/passerby for the whole song, or cut it…OR make it fit the first person point of view….

Has a Martian come from outer space?
Hat pulled down can’t see her face
Is she a part of the human race?
So strange to see her in this place
By place, I mean Strawberry Fields
By place, where the world congeals

Greyish gills, webbed hands and feet
Can she strum and move to a beat?
I’ve never seen an alien before
Makes no sense in Beatles lore
What is that? Who is she?
Is she a Yoko wannabe?
Can’t make sense of this mystery
An Asian speaks English to you or me?
And sings a song?
Hey, the world’s gone wrong!

…OR make it fit the first person point of view….

REVISED FOR 1ST PERSON

I’M A Martian from outer space?
Hat pulled down YOU can’t see MY face
MAYBE a part of the human race
IS IT REALLY strange to see ME in this place
By place, I mean Strawberry Fields
By place, where the worldS congeal

Greyish gills, webbed hands and feet
I CAN strum A GUITAR and move to a beat?
HAVEN’T YOU seen an alien before
DOESN’T MAKE sense in Beatles lore
Who AM I? PLAYING THESE STREETS
MAYBE JUST A Yoko wannabe?
Can’t make sense of this mystery
An Asian speakING English HOW CAN IT BE?
And sings a song?
Hey, the world’s gone wrong!


This is a shift in the point of view to first person, but there are no clues as to how, or why it’s happening, and basically the song could start here because it’s the focus of the rest of the song answering the question “Who is the singer?”

Who am I? An anomaly? I mean really!
Let’s open our minds and think just a little more freely
Huh? K? What do you say? Hey!

I was born in Cali, by the Bay
Yeah that’s in the USA
I’m K-American, that’s true
That’s Korean-American to me and you

I have grown to be wild and free
Simple as the fruited trees
Denim patches on dungarees
Butterflies on my knees

I said what? Simple as the fruited trees
I said what? Butterflies on my knees

I sang and took guitar in school
And you know that golden rule
Practice ‘til the cows come home
Then throw yourself a meaty bone
‘Til you have it in your system
‘Til you can really hug and kiss them

If I'm a Martian, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

I have the goods, isn’t it fine
Starlight embedded in my spine
Rose theater grand sublime
I hold my place and take my time
I sing to the spirits, voice so bold
All from distant lands to behold
An alien lady strumming her lute
Joy in motion, love to boot

If I make them think a little
Turn their heads and cause a giggle
Open their eyes oh so wide
It’s OK, that’s my right

We’re all the same underneath the package
Just a different bobble head instead
Singing with my Epiphone
In the name of the universal ONE
I’m an Internationalien
Which means I’m more than a Pygmalion
Too many strands to name, I sigh
And that’s no lie, sugar pie

Busting through to the sky
Busting through, pie in the sky

I'm a Martian girl, I’m full of light
Fell from a star in the night
Can belt a tune and stand a fight
As people come and go, that’s right

Thanks for sharing.

James


Thank you for such a detailed restructuring. I will consider these new thoughts and see if they resonate. I appreciate the time you took to do this. Many thanks.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 18th, 2020 01:32 pm
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highvibrational
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Andrea wrote:
This was fun. It totally reminded me of Blondie's Rapture .(a big hit) I think adding some music is a good suggestion.

Yes, you are right. I will add music. And, Blondie was on my mind a lot. Thank you.



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 Posted: Tue Feb 18th, 2020 08:50 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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I like this. Cute and unique. I'm not into rap, but this gave me a cbuckle.

Last edited on Tue Feb 18th, 2020 08:58 pm by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Wed Feb 26th, 2020 07:36 pm
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ChrisPrice
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This is lovely. It tells your story and it's positive and cheerful. That's what we need in this crazy world. I can't criticise this in any way. Unique for all the right reasons.:)

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 Posted: Wed Feb 26th, 2020 08:21 pm
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highvibrational
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ChrisPrice wrote:
This is lovely. It tells your story and it's positive and cheerful. That's what we need in this crazy world. I can't criticise this in any way. Unique for all the right reasons.:)

Thank you, Chris. I appreciate your comments. :)



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