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Alon Sharon - Miss You
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 Posted: Sat Feb 8th, 2020 09:53 am
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alonsharon
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Hey everybody,

My name is Alon Sharon

I am a music producer/songwriter based in Tel Aviv, Israel. I wrote a ballad on my guitar and would like to get some feedback on it.

https://soundcloud.com/alonsharon/alon-sharon-miss-you

Lyrics:

Verse 1:

There's nothing else to say when it's all gone
Just the emptiness you feel when it's too late
Your'e the only one I ever loved more than myself
Just Remember this as time will go away

Pre Chorus + Chorus:

And you, I just want to lay my body next to you
Your'e gone and now I feel it too
I miss you, I miss you

Verse 2:

If you ever walked away from me, I couldn't be free
It's just who we are
There's so much I want to say, But I can't right now
It's just How I am

Pre Chorus + Chorus:

And you, I just want to lay my body next to you
Your'e gone and now I feel it too
I miss you, I miss you

Thanks in Advance!

Last edited on Sat Feb 8th, 2020 10:07 am by alonsharon

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 Posted: Sat Feb 8th, 2020 07:59 pm
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ChrisPrice
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This is really nicely done. A lovely ballad, thoughtful vocal arrangement and some good guitar playing. The production sounds modern to me which is a good thing. I like the way the strings come in and the variation at the end works really well. Nothing to criticsise to my ears. Well done - I think this is great.

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 Posted: Sun Feb 9th, 2020 06:53 am
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jamestoffee
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Nice production and delivery. Like Chris mentioned, it has a modern sound, and I like the play with the tone as a fade effect at the end of the song.

I wouldn't mind the tempo being a bit slower, but maybe the faster tempo is part of the modern feel. Still you could try slowing it and see if it matches the mood/sentiment better.

Lyrically, it's very sparse in what's going on, but that could be a good thing. However, V2 doesn't work as it is because it contradicts the time line of the chorus.

In the chorus the singee has left already, but in V2 the singee has not left the singer....One possible fix would be the singer talking AFTER the singee has left....For example...

Verse 2:

EVER SINCE walked away from me, I CAN'T be free
It's just who we are
There's so much I wantED to say, But I COULDN'T AND now
I DON'T KNOW WHO I am

Thanks for sharing.

James

Last edited on Sun Feb 9th, 2020 06:54 am by jamestoffee



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 Posted: Sun Feb 9th, 2020 10:44 pm
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RainyDayMan
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It's a really nice track, and the melody is a highlight for me.

You fingerpick very well, but the guitar lines feel a little busy for the mood of the song. Perhaps you could experiment with slowing the BPM, or leave that as is , but try a different picking pattern with a little more space?

Love the way you sing "And you.."
The backing vocals, oohs and aahs, harmony etc really add to the song too.

I'd like to hear the instrumentation pause ahead of "I miss you", I think that might add to the dynamics and drama.

Outro is great, and I like that is has a definite ending rather than a generic fade out.

It's a solid track, that doesn't quite feel finished to me production wise.



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 Posted: Mon Feb 10th, 2020 04:40 am
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cmaja
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This is well done and quite beautiful. Excellent production, solid guitar and superb singing. Congrats!

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Feb 10th, 2020 06:45 am
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ToyStein
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Nice Ballad.

I like the melody and the vocal phrasing. You sing very well.

I agree with others that the lyrics need some work.

The two ideas of the lyrics involve "missing You" and the inability say anything indicated from "It's just How I am", which appears in v2 and is how you end the song.

You could always swap v1 with v2 and change a few things to make it progressive for the audience.

The more I listened to the song, the more I liked it. I like the idea of effects on the outro vocals, but did not like the vocal ripping effect. But.. The buried "miss you" parts at around :50 is perfect.

A song like this is all about feel. You have a great voice, no need to over-process it.

Kudos

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