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My first and only blues song
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 08:40 pm
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btate67
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I met this here man
Back a few years ago
Say I met this here man
Back some time ago
I swear he was the devil himself
He came after my soul
Well he bought me a drink
And he began to speak
He said if it’s fame you want son
Well just sign right here with me
So I picked up his pin
And I began to pray
I said lord please forgive me
As I sold my soul away

Well the devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
I say the devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
And every time I taste that whiskey
Well the devil he comes after me

I met this here woman
Back a few years ago
Say I met this here woman
Back some time ago
I swear she was the devil’s daughter
She was here for my soul
Well she asked me to dance
And I could not refuse
She put her arms around me
Whispered in my ear
She said daddy says your mine
For the next ten thousand years

The devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
You know the devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
And every time I taste that whiskey
Well the devil he comes after me

Well I gained all the fame
That a man could ever want
And I played the devil’s game
Just as hard as I could run
But I’ve lived too regret
The deal which I had made
You know the devil has me now
And there ain’t no way to escape

You know the devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
I say the devil and me
We’re old jug buddies
Every time I taste that whiskey
The devil he comes after me
I say every time I drink that whiskey
Well my buddy he comes after me
7/15/1991 copyright

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 Posted: Thu Feb 6th, 2020 12:43 am
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RainyDayMan
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"The devil and me
We’re old jug buddies"
I like those lines!

As a suggestion:
And every time I taste that whiskey
I hear the Devil laugh at me

You might consider swapping:
He came after my soul > Come to take my soul

The verses all hold together, and it has a definite mood that fits the blues style.

The length of the verses changes, getting shorter as you go. Not sure if that is deliberate or not, but blues is a loose enough format to accommodate some variation.



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 Posted: Thu Feb 6th, 2020 12:21 pm
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btate67
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Thanks for your suggestions, I really like the idea of changing that line. I wrote this song in about 15 min start to finish.

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 Posted: Fri Feb 7th, 2020 01:00 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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I'm not sure if I said "Hi" before but..

Hi Btate67.

I do like this, I like the story that runs through it. So Like to hear the finished song too.
I did find it a bit too long. Is it subject to revision? Maybe a little pruning here might help, but after you've got your musical arrangement sorted.



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 Posted: Sun Feb 9th, 2020 08:08 pm
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cmaja
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Hey, Btate... This has a good musical feel to it. I’m not too sure how the difference in verse length will pan out, but it didn’t bother me reading through it. Nice blues lyric with a country feel to it.

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Feb 10th, 2020 06:33 pm
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Andrea
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This is entertaining. I personally didn't care for the devil's daughter verse. There is nothing per say wrong with it, it just felt like the story took a turn I didn't quite follow.

In V1 you mention wanting fame:
"He said if it’s fame you want son
Well just sign right here with me
So I picked up his pin ---- pen?
And I began to pray...

And fame comes back at the end, but it is missing in the middle. I would suggest writing more about having fame. Or maybe it's not fame, but love he wants? That could maybe fit with the daughter.

Just thoughts to toss or keep



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