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My first post

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Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 07:53 pm

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1^st Post

btate67
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Joined:	Wed Feb 5th, 2020
Location:
Posts:	6
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I am a:	Songwriter/Musician
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Daddy was a good man
lord he taught me many things
He showed me how the world went around
And the way things always change
He said son never steal from your neighbors
He said boy don’t you ever lie
And when you find a woman for you
He said son you better treat her right
Well that was then and this is now
And things they sure have changed
From a bundle of joy
To a full grown boy
Things will never be the same
On the road every day
Just playing them one night gigs
I can’t wait for the man to say
Son you finally made it big

Straight to the top
No holds barred
Straight to the top
And quit playing these red neck bars

Well As it stands here I am
Playing my fingers to the bones
Getting paid a thousand dollars
For a half a million dollar show
Working hard to make ends meet
But you know that’s hard to do ( and here’s where I think it starts falling apart)
One of these days
I want to take my place
I want to fill old Ronnie’s shoes ( Ronnie VanZant )

Straight to the top
No holds barred
Straight to the top
And quit playing these red neck bars
6/23/1990 copyright

Posted: Thu Feb 6th, 2020 12:34 am

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2^nd Post

RainyDayMan
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Joined:	Thu May 17th, 2007
Location:	Stratford, Australia
Posts:	6875
Favorite Artist:	James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a:	Songwriter/Musician
Status:	Offline

This almost feels like a song of two halves.

I like the opening lines, and it has a classic blues feel to it. When I got to:
"And when you find a woman for you
He said son you better treat her right"
I thought it was going to be about a relationship.

But from the chorus onward it's quite different. And the link to Daddy's opinion seems pretty distant.
Nothing wrong with the 2nd half mind you, it just feels disconnected from the first to me.

Re the Ronnie VanZant reference - if you feel it needs an explanation I'd be taking a hard look there. Anyone listening to it won't have the explanation. The lyric needs to stand on its own. It wouldn't be the first song to have cryptic references, or things only a specific audience will appreciate, but you should make that choice knowing you're going to lose most people at that point.

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Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 10:45 pm

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3^rd Post

Andrea
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Joined:	Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location:	Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts:	1997
Favorite Artist:	Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a:	Songwriter
Status:	Offline

There is a lot to like here. I agree it feels like it is about a relationship, but then it takes a turn. I would suggest taking out the lines about the woman and replacing them with something about music. Maybe even the advice could be altered. Maybe he tells him how the world goes around and how it is hard, or unfair... He gives advice about how he is talented and be believes in him. Scrap the woman lines and add something about playing guitar. I didn't relate to the Ronnie. I like this quite a bit. I would be happy to a offer more ideas if you want them.

Last edited on Sun Feb 16th, 2020 10:45 pm by Andrea

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