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Love Without Fail
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun Feb 2nd, 2020 11:47 pm
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1st Post
Tgs
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This is my latest song. Its acoustic now, soon to have electric, and drums added. Any input is greatly appreciated!

https://soundclick.com/r/s8bo7q



Love without fail

I mocked your words, despised your deeds,
saw your miracles but would not believe.
Still you loved me, love without fail!

Chorus
I took the silver, I set Barabbas free,
I lied to condemn you, shame-less-ly.
still you chose to die, for a worm like me.

I spit on you, I placed the crown,
I raised the hammer and drove those nails down.
still you loved me, love without fail.

chorus

And now you find me, upon my knees,
sorrow fills my heart for what I've done to thee.
And you forgive me all, love without fail.

Chorus

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 Posted: Mon Feb 3rd, 2020 09:46 am
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jamestoffee
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Good start. I can see where you are going with the contrast of how man treats God vs. God treats man.

Lyrically, consider swapping the chorus with v3.

Right now you have

V1 bad man
CH bad man
V2 bad man
CH bad man
V3 good God
CH bad man

but since the title is "Love without fail", you can spotlight and highlight the goodness of God like this

V1 bad man
CH good God
V2 bad man
CH good God
V3 bad man
CH good God

Thanks for sharing.

James



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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 11:59 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like this line:
Still you loved me, love without fail!
Lyrically, and musically that feels the strongest to me.
At the close you only use the second half of that, but you might try using the whole line and maybe put it into the present tense? So:
Still you love me, love without fail.

The key seems a touch high for your voice, have you tried dropping it slightly? You're on key, it just felt a bit strained once or twice.

"Worm" felt a bit strong to me. The song is asking people to put themselves in this position, and something else that infers weakness or sin but is less off-putting may work better for that effect.

I'd change the tense on "I spit on you" to match the rest which are in the past tense.



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