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Valentine
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun Feb 2nd, 2020 10:33 pm
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Seamus2
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I jump on your hot ride
you hold me so tight
all the teddy bears and kisses
make me crazy tonight

I'm yours, your mine
baby you're my Valentine

cards and chocolates
They're just fine
but sweet kisses
say that you are mine

I'm yours, your mine
baby you're my Valentine

Valentine oh valentine
love is in the air
teddy bears and chocolates
all the fun of the fair

I'm yours, your mine
baby you're my Valentine

smiles and kisses in overdrive
beautiful flowers on display
promises made between lovers
on this our special day

I'm yours, your mine
baby you're my Valentine

CopyrightAlanEvans02022020

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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 07:23 pm
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Andrea
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This sure does get me in the mood for Valentine's Day. It is sweet. I might be off base here, but I would consider replacing some of the repeated words/ideas with new ones.

ie. teddy bears and chocolates - high atop the ferris wheel

smiles and kisses (kisses was used in V1)

Also, not sure where the flowers came in and where they are on display.

I think you could turn the Valentine oh Valentine verse into a bridge if you wanted.



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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 11:14 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like your chorus here - you might double down on it like:

I'm yours, you're mine
baby you're my Valentine
Be mine, I'm yours
baby you're my Valentine

Feels like a bouncy upbeat kind of number to me.



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 Posted: Sat Feb 8th, 2020 11:42 am
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Seamus2
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Thanks for looking and your comments as they are always appreciated.

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 Posted: Sat Feb 8th, 2020 12:00 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Alan, simple and to the point. I do like Owens idea about the chorus



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 Posted: Mon Feb 10th, 2020 07:39 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Nice, those suggestion will move it closer to completion!



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