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Notch on your bedpost
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 08:38 am
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Seamus2
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Those dusty roads were blowin
as I headed out of town
I was leaving forever
no looking back or turning around

You killed all my dreams
with things that you'd done
I was working for our future
while you were out having fun

I had big dreams
I thought you had them too
when I found the knives in my back
were put there by you

you were the cheater
the killer of my dreams
took my hopes and desires
you don't know what love means

my future all planned
so clear in my head
and with just one stroke
you killed them all dead

no turning back now
My dreams are all gone
to many memories
I've got to move on

Your cold heart is ruthless
you don't have a care
I was just a notch on your bedpost
to help you get there

CopyrightAlanEvans10012020

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 Posted: Sat Jan 11th, 2020 01:39 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Alan, lots to work with here. I like the title, lines and overall idea. I am however wondering if you left out a chorus before the I had big dreams line? This verse seems to read much slower than the first two. Overall all I like it, just a tweak or two and you’ll be there.



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 Posted: Mon Jan 13th, 2020 10:07 pm
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cmaja
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Hey Alan. I agree with Mike. I can’t quite figure out the structure. Is it just seven stanzas, does it have a bridge, chorus or coda? But I definitely like it.

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Mar 3rd, 2020 05:09 pm
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Tekboy
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I am with these guys, and "notch on your bedpost" makes a good hook.
I would build a chorus or a bridge around it.



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 Posted: Wed Mar 4th, 2020 09:23 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Yep same sentiment from me. I think the parts are there, some nice lines, but it needs a chorus, more structure and a rhythm.

For example, it might start:

V1
Those dusty roads were blowin'
as I headed out of town
I was leaving here for good
no looking back

V2
You killed all my tomorrows
with the things that you had done
each one a rusty knife
stuck in my back


Lift
I had big dreams
I thought you had them too

Chorus
But I was just another notch upon your bedpost
...



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