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I Ain’t Top Shelf
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 Posted: Thu Jan 9th, 2020 01:11 am
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M.P. Dudash
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She tasted liquor on my breath again this morning
Saw another woman’s claw marks on my back
It’s no wonder that she yelled, you can go to hell
Next thing I knew all my bags were packed

I said I ain’t top shelf
And you knew that goin’ in
I’m much more mediocre
Like a cheap well drinks gin
You heard it from your mama
Should’ve listened to your friends
I ain’t top shelf
So why’s your patience wearing thin

I never saw a smile or a single little smirk
Turns out my ears were burning from all of her cuss words
Said I think that you should repent better get your ass to church
Next thing my nose was bleeding and blood was running down my shirt

I said I ain’t top shelf
And you knew that goin’ in
Was the final straw me takin’
Your best friend for a spin
If a look was ever dirty
If a stare could kill a man
I may not be top shelf
But at least I’m admitting it

Guess I never learned my lesson
From the other five or ten
Time to move on to another
And start it all again

I said I ain’t top shelf
And you knew that goin’ in
Had you changed me like you hoped to
You wouldn’t be my has been

Copyright © Michael P. Dudash 1/8/2020



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 Posted: Thu Jan 9th, 2020 03:36 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Like a cheap well drinks gin

I'd recommend: "Like Cheap Vodka, wine or gin"



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 Posted: Thu Jan 9th, 2020 04:59 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks for looking Joe. I like the suggestion. Just used that to keep with the theme. Wasn’t a very serious one, I just needed to write to write. I may revisit. Thanks



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 04:49 am
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cmaja
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Hey Mike, this is good. I got stuck on the same line Joe did. This guy better learn his lesson before he’s too old and gals pay him no mind save those who are more conniving than he.

Charles

Last edited on Fri Jan 10th, 2020 04:50 am by cmaja



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:15 am
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RainyDayMan
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I'd suggest trying to paint some redeeming feature for him.
Fine for him to be a flawed character, but to be likeable I think there needs to be something positive portrayed as well. And with her cussing and boxing his nose, I don't feel sympathetic towards either of them.

The ending feels very negative, like he's blaming her for his vices and their situation. That's probably very realistic, but not sure it makes for a good song ending. Perhaps more like him saying he couldn't change himself the way she wanted?



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 01:17 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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You guys have some valid points. I looked at this one to have been written from a narcissistic mans view. He never sees his own flaws just puts the blame elsewhere.



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:53 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Trump as a drunk? lol



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:53 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Trump as a drunk? lol



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:54 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Man I hate these double post bugs

Last edited on Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:54 pm by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 05:57 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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One other possibility, 'drink' instead of drinks. The plural just doesn't fit, sorry



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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 07:44 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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I get you on the double posts Joe. Happens to me a lot as well. I did change drinks to drink on another post but forgot to change it here. Thanks for looking.



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Self teaching in progress
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