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2020 #1 God of Earth and Outer Space
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 12:16 pm
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jamestoffee
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Feedback welcomed :D

====Revised Version====

2020 #1 God of Earth and Outer Space (Version 2)
by James Conrad © 2020

https://soundcloud.com/jamestoffee/2020-1-god-of-earth-and-outer-space-version-2

Intro
|D G |A D|D

From a raindrop to a desert
In a cool breeze
He is there
From an ocean to a beehive
In a whisper
He is there
When it’s hard to believe
Open your eyes and see

Chorus
God of Earth and outer space
The whole universe in its proper place
With nothing too big; and nothing too small
God the Creator made it all
You know that God the Creator made it all

From the ashes to the white snow
In a sunrise
He is there
From an asteroid to a new star
In a moonbeam
He is there
When it’s hard to believe
Open your eyes and see

ch

Instrumental
F#m Bm F#m Bm C G A A7

ch






====Original Version====
2020 #1 God of Earth and Outer Space
by James Conrad © 2020

https://soundcloud.com/jamestoffee/2020-1-god-of-earth-and-outer-space

From a raindrop to desert
In a cool breeze
He is there
From an ocean to beehive
In a whisper
He is there
When it’s hard to believe
Open your eyes and see

Chorus
God of Earth and outer space
From the coldest night to a warm embrace
God of Earth and outer space
The whole universe in its proper place
With nothing too big; and nothing too small
God the Creator made it all
You know that God the Creator made it all

From the ashes to white snow
In a sunrise
He is there
From an asteroid to new star
In a moonbeam
He is there
When it’s hard to believe
Open your eyes and see

ch

Instrumental
F#m Bm F#m Bm C G A A7

ch

Last edited on Wed Jan 8th, 2020 05:26 am by jamestoffee



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https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 09:21 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Got a nice relaxed and warm feel to it.

In your verses you might consider using:
from a X to a Y
for the sound/rhythm of it rather than grammar.
Or alternately drop the a/an in both cases.

I like the melody on:
When it’s hard to believe
Open your eyes and see


I like second half of your chorus, from "Nothing too big..." onward. There is a nice contrast there with the verse, whereas in the first half the melody felt too much like the verse again. There is also that pause in the middle of it which slightly disconnects the two halves.
I'd almost suggest dropping the first half except that you need the "The whole universe in its proper place" for it to make sense.



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 Posted: Wed Jan 8th, 2020 05:09 am
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jamestoffee
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Thanks for the listen and feedback, Owen.

In your verses you might consider using:
from a X to a Y...the first half the melody felt too much like the verse again...I'd almost suggest dropping the first half


*POOF* changes made

Better?



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https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandid=253763
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 Posted: Wed Jan 8th, 2020 05:18 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like the changes James, sounds smoother to me.

I didn't mention the instrumental before, but that works nicely too. Is that a mandolin I'm hearing?



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 Posted: Wed Jan 8th, 2020 05:24 am
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jamestoffee
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I like the changes James, sounds smoother to me.

Nice. Thanks for the follow up listen and feedback.

Is that a mandolin I'm hearing?

Yes, correct!

Last edited on Wed Jan 8th, 2020 05:25 am by jamestoffee



____________________
https://cjamesconrad.bandcamp.com/track/daddies-and-daughters?fbclid=IwAR0x-doQ40NUeeZZt6oinWwmJp0WMflxujn_3XM46lZFr6PPR0BJDQBoRuw

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