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WhatI Need
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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 10:09 am
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RealKevM
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Hi it's been a while, I hope everyone is well and happy new year :) This is a song I wrote around a month ago, i'd love to hear what you think to it and any advice.

Lyrics
I can feel it growing in my head
I can feel it flowing thru my veins
Cos this dreamer never ever left
And I know how it feels in the rain

Chorus
I don't know where i'm going baby
I just know where i've been
If you're not what I want you
Sure are what I need
Tear down the walls in here and give me room to breathe
Open up your heart your soul and your arms to me

2nd verse
I can feel the sun shining down on me
I can see the world for what it is
Cos one match will burn a thousand trees
and I know how it feels to miss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnKJyinhNC8



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 11:59 am
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jamestoffee
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Nice delivery and musical ideas. The gtr riff sounds similar to Nirvana's "Smells like teen spirit"

Lyrically, it violates what Ralph Murphy calls "playing the You card" which basically says, when using 'you' and addressing the listener, you better tell them how great they are.

Start at 1:39:47 Playing the "You" card
https://youtu.be/8wBOUJ5Mbrk?t=5986

It seems like the basic idea of the song is an invitation/request to develop a relationship with the singee. Right now your verses are introspective focusing on the singer not the listener...and even the chorus is not complimentary, "You aren't what I want".....Gee, thanks. So what would compel the listener to help/be involved with the singer?

Thanks for sharing.

James



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 08:05 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Hi Kev! Nice to hear from you.

Definitely a more grunge feel to this one.

I think the chorus is the strongest part (as it should be!)

I really liked:
If you're not what I want you
Sure are what I need


This is an acoustic recording, but I'd love to hear it on electric with some backing and a guitar solo :)



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 Posted: Tue Jan 7th, 2020 11:48 pm
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ChrisPrice
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To echo RDM, I can imagine this song being played by a really full on band. James mentioned Nirvana and I know what he means, but you have your own style. A good track in the making.

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 Posted: Fri Jan 10th, 2020 07:21 am
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RealKevM
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Hi guys thanks for having a listen I really appreciate it.
James - Thanks, i'll have a watch of Ryan, i'm really interested in things like that. In this case I was writing the song about a partner (girlfriend, wife) not at the listener so the 'You' is about them but it is interesting that you have interperated the song that way.

RDM - I hope you're well my friend, my more recent stuff has been in this style I felt I was in a rut with the strumming love type songs a bit and needed more upbeat songs for playing live i'll definitely record an electric version

Cheers Chris, glad you like it man :)



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 Posted: Sat Jan 11th, 2020 08:14 pm
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moptop
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Kev, good to see you over here! Yeah, I agree with Chris, I can really hear this as a fuller production too.
Nirvana hmm yes, but I think that's only one direction you can head. I think you have several options open to you on where to go with this.
I especially like "Tear down the walls in here and give me room to breathe..Open up your heart your soul and your arms to me"...great set of lines.

Thanks for sharing.



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 Posted: Tue Mar 31st, 2020 08:25 am
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RealKevM
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Hey Moptop sorry for the late reply, I usually only get to spend time on forums at work and this one has been blocked at work for some reason! Well now i'm at home for the foreseeable, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.
Thanks for the kind words man really appreciated



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