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Tears Behind Your Smile
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 Posted: Sun Nov 17th, 2019 01:36 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Simple Country heartbreak song. Starting to write again everyday. Most of the music is written for this one. Hope you enjoy.

As always, comments, corrections and suggestions are welcomed and appreciated.

Bunny



Tears Behind Your Smile

Chorus
There are tears behind your smile
Just waiting
For you to turn the corner, so they can fall
And theres an aching in your heart
Anticipating
Hoping for, but, knowing he wont call

Verse 1
You heard the whispers
That he's been untrue
You saw the love texts on his phone
That weren't from you
You found an earring
By his bedside
You're trying oh so very hard
To keep your pride

Chorus
There are tears behind your smile
Just waiting
For you to turn the corner, so they can fall
And theres an aching in your heart
Anticipating
Hoping for, but, knowing he wont call

Verse2
Youve seen the pictures
Of them out late
While you were sitting home alone
Having to wait
You pace the room
To still your mind
A panicked, nervous woman's
Never been your kind

And yet....

Bridge
The shadows in your mind cloud your perception
You never show a public trace of stress
Your darkest hours are without exception
The times you have to face unhappiness

Chorus
There are tears behind your smile
Just waiting
For you to turn the corner, so they can fall
And theres an aching in your heart
Anticipating
Hoping for, but, knowing he wont call

Verse 3
You gather courage
To take a stand
You have to take back your heart
Withdraw your hand
Release the pain
You buried deep
You finally stop to breathe
And get some sleep

Chorus
There are tears behind your smile
Just waiting
For you to turn the corner, so they can fall
And theres an aching in your heart
Anticipating
Hoping for, but, knowing he wont call

There are tears behind your smile
Just waiting
For you to turn the corner, - so - they - can - fall.

© Copyright 2019 John Parrish


Working with shorter lines is quite the challenge for me, so tjis will probably evolve as time goes by. Bunny

Last edited on Tue Nov 19th, 2019 05:18 pm by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Sun Nov 17th, 2019 05:50 pm
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cmaja
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Very good Bunny. The structure, rhyming sequence, and succinctness are excellent. Images pop in my mind as I’m reading this. V2 is a tad shorter that the other two, but the music may iron that out. Nice post chorus —I can hear how it sings. Great title! I love it!

Charles



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 Posted: Sun Nov 17th, 2019 06:08 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Thanks Charles...yikes ...left out a line in the copy & paste...fixing it now. Thanks for the compliments about the rhyming and technical skills... I subscribe that part of my songwriting to that 30 in 30...amazing the things I learned from those critiques... owe it all to the board members and readers who helped me.

Thanks

Bunny...(fixing it now)



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 Posted: Sun Nov 17th, 2019 07:06 pm
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cmaja
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bunnythesinger wrote:
Thanks Charles...yikes ...left out a line in the copy & paste...fixing it now. Thanks for the compliments about the rhyming and technical skills... I subscribe that part of my songwriting to that 30 in 30...amazing the things I learned from those critiques... owe it all to the board members and readers who helped me.

Thanks

Bunny...(fixing it now)


Okay, that’s better... The last two lines of V2 need a little reworking to blend with the other verse endings. But I still love it!

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Nov 18th, 2019 12:57 am
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bunnythesinger
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I think I finally found the copy I was working on when I went to post...really need to reorganize my files,,,lol. Bunny

Last edited on Mon Nov 18th, 2019 12:57 am by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Mon Nov 18th, 2019 05:12 am
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cmaja
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Now you’ve got it, Bunny, perfect! And I love like it was my own! I wish it was...

Charles



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 Posted: Tue Nov 19th, 2019 12:52 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Thanks Charles, I have a dinner at work tonight, so Im gonna miss the songwriters pull...too sad...Id like to put this one out for the group to play along with. Bunny



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 Posted: Tue Nov 19th, 2019 04:28 pm
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Andrea
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Nice write. The emotions come though as I can easily picture each verse. Glad she made the right choice to move on in the end :)



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 Posted: Tue Nov 19th, 2019 04:42 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Nice. Couple of ideas: That he's *been* untrue. Helps with meter. Your darkest days, (are) without exception. Are those times you must face unhappiness.

SWJ



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 Posted: Tue Nov 19th, 2019 05:25 pm
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bunnythesinger
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@ Andrea ... thanks so much... its funny... I was listening to an interview with John Mellencamp this weekend talking about writing songs, and he told the interviewer that frequently he had no idea how the song was going to end up when he started writing it. I feel that same thing most of the time...I rarely know what is going to happen until the song is finished...I could only wish that I wrote like him...but it felt like it was some validation... Im glad she left as well.

@ Joe.. Like the ' been'...works well. Improves the meter for sure Thanks for the suggestion.

Bunny

Last edited on Tue Nov 19th, 2019 05:26 pm by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Tue Nov 19th, 2019 06:58 pm
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Andrea
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bunnythesinger wrote:
@ Andrea ... thanks so much... its funny... I was listening to an interview with John Mellencamp this weekend talking about writing songs, and he told the interviewer that frequently he had no idea how the song was going to end up when he started writing it. I feel that same thing most of the time...I rarely know what is going to happen until the song is finished...I could only wish that I wrote like him...but it felt like it was some validation... Im glad she left as well.

@ Joe.. Like the ' been'...works well. Improves the meter for sure Thanks for the suggestion.

Bunny


I am the same way - not knowing the ending until it is written. Sometimes I have an idea for a story, but as I write, it takes off in another direction, and turns into something completely different. Then I sit and wonder if I should try the original idea again. I usually don't - lol.



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 Posted: Tue Dec 3rd, 2019 07:43 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Bunny, I like it except for the bridge. I can’t really say why I’m just not feeling that part of it. Overall I do like it though.



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 Posted: Tue Dec 3rd, 2019 08:41 pm
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bunnythesinger
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MP...thanks for the read and your thoughts. Fair enough. Glad you liked the parts you liked.

Bunny

Last edited on Tue Dec 3rd, 2019 08:41 pm by bunnythesinger



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