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Alive
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Nov 16th, 2019 11:21 am
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jolieflacko
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Joined: Mon Oct 28th, 2019
Location: New Jersey USA
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So what if I had to leave everyone behind
I can’t keep holding onto the past
Am I supposed to apologize
For wanting to live
Just wanting to breathe

Alive and well
Alive and free
Alive and happy

Even if I have to be alone
I will be happy
Now it’s just me and the world
One on one
And I will breathe
And live all for myself

It’s a little much to think about
But I know myself very well
And without a doubt
I can’t do this anymore

So what if I can’t be here for them
I can’t keep putting others first
Am I supposed to apologize
For wanting to live
Just wanting to breathe

Alive and well
Alive and free
Alive and happy



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Akami
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 Posted: Sat Nov 16th, 2019 03:08 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Joined: Fri Aug 2nd, 2019
Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
Posts: 440
Favorite Artist: John Prine, Steve Goodman,Meatloaf, Hall&Oates, Bonnie Raitt, Amy Wineh
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Akami, sounds like a song with a purpose for sure. Got a great R&B chorus. The breathe metaphor is very powerful in an empowerment song. Nice write... one that needs to be heard.

Bunny

Last edited on Sat Nov 16th, 2019 03:10 pm by bunnythesinger



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"People always ask me what I write first, words or lyrics...and I always say, Yes." Martin Mull
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 Posted: Mon Nov 18th, 2019 04:54 am
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cmaja
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Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
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Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
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Okay Alamo, your structure will probably work for R&B —verse, chorus (this is more of a refrain), bridge, post bridge, verse, chorus. Repeating words for the chorus works. One pair of rhyming lines in the post bridge and repeated line endings in the verses. I would suggest more rhyming lines in the main bridge and verses to make it more rememberable. I agree with Bunny, just work on your rhymes a bit. Good write!

Charles

Last edited on Mon Nov 18th, 2019 05:15 am by cmaja



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All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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