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Mask
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Tue Oct 29th, 2019 12:00 am
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jolieflacko
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We put on a mask
Face all out might
Become a different person
While we roam through the night

We all have a choice of who want to play
It’s not always the angel
When the devil gets his way
Actions out of our hands
As we pretend we’re not ourselves
We play a different role when we hide behind the mask

We say it’s all fun and games
That it’s only one night a year
But what happens when we forget to take the mask off

It’s more fun to be bad
So we act like that’s all we are
Why be good when we can turn away from our fears
Pretend we’re above all
And live safely behind the mask



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 Posted: Tue Oct 29th, 2019 07:03 pm
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AnonymousLou
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A really interesting set of lyrics and I like the idea that this song is Halloween inspired, I definitely get those vibes from the song- I'm not great at giving criticism/ feedback so I'd say that if you want to do some revisions on the lyrics, toy around with different ways of saying things- this piece is relatively short so every word counts so make sure you've got the right word you want to describe something.
That's the best feedback I can give but this piece is already taking good shape so good job :)
-Lou



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 Posted: Wed Oct 30th, 2019 02:48 am
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RainyDayMan
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A mask is a powerful metaphor, and a good choice for a Halloween inspired lyric, too.

There's some nice lines here:
It’s not always the angel
When the devil gets his way

We say it’s all fun and games
That it’s only one night a year


There's a few spots where I'm not sure about your wording - whether it's a style choice or something that might need correction. So:
Pretend we’re above all > Pretend we’re above it all
Face all out might > not sure what this should be.

There's a pretty loose structure to this - varying numbers of lines per verse, and syllables per line.
That's not necessarily a problem. It feels like a modern song and they can have a looser structure and work fine, but that should be a deliberate choice on your part, rather than something that happened accidentally.

As a songwriter I would encourage you to think about how this will sound and be sung .
Even if you are only writing the lyric and looking for someone else to write the music, the more you can imagine this as a song the more smoothly it's likely to come out. As an example I can imagine a vocal delay / echo on "mask" in line 1 here. That might add a spooky/creepy feeling. And you might write that as:
We put on a mask (mask...mask)
You don't have to do that, but it's an example of how thinking beyond just the words, might affect what you write.



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 Posted: Wed Oct 30th, 2019 09:58 am
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jolieflacko
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Thank you!! Will keep this in mind when I try to make corrections



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 Posted: Wed Oct 30th, 2019 09:59 am
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jolieflacko
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Thank youu!!



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