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Just Forget It
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sat Oct 19th, 2019 12:48 am
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SongWriterJoe
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This is a work in progress. Thought I'd get some creative criticism. Less than a week old:


Just Forget It
Lyrics Copyright © 2019
Joe Givens

{Intro}

We thought we’d be together
‘Til the end of time
We had everything planned in mind just so

We believed in love forever
Like those nursery rhymes
Then reality set in and now we know

{Instrumental Bridge}

{V1}

When we met at school I thought you were the one..
My heart was poundin’ first time I saw your smile
I knew I had to have you - you put your spell on me
What got me was your southern charm an’ style

For ten long years we kept up our appearance..
But a heart can only be fooled for so long.
Each night we came home and headed for the bed
But that's when it all started to go wrong. So..

{To Chorus}

{Chorus}

Just forget it
We can’t say we didn’t try
Just forget it
Our wells of emotion both ran dry
Just forget it
We’re too stubborn you and I
Just forget it
There’s no more need for lies

{V2}

...

{To Chorus}

{Outro}

...

{END}



Last edited on Sat Oct 19th, 2019 02:29 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Sat Oct 19th, 2019 01:00 am
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RainyDayMan
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I quite like the lines you've got here Joe.

What's bothering me is that there is no explanation of what has gone wrong, or how, before you get to the chorus and Just Forget It.

And that makes me feel like they haven't tried or are just being shallow.

I don't think you can afford a whole verse exposing all the difficulties they faced, but maybe there's a line or two about what has changed ahead of the chorus?



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 Posted: Sat Oct 19th, 2019 01:31 am
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SongWriterJoe
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@RainyDayMan: Yup, those are "cliffhangers" that will be addressed in Verse 2 &/or the Outro. That's why I call it a Work In Progress. }`;^D) Btw, I believe this is "Narrative Loop" writing style. V2 is yet to come.

Last edited on Sat Oct 19th, 2019 02:14 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Sat Oct 19th, 2019 11:45 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Joe, I kinda like what you got going there so far. Nice job...loking forward to seeing it develop.

Bunny



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 Posted: Sun Oct 20th, 2019 01:35 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Thanks,bro.. still grinding away at it.



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