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A Season Without Change
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 Posted: Tue Oct 15th, 2019 06:50 am
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bunnythesinger
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18 of 30 in 30.
Update: A reworked version of this song has been posted a few posts down. Please consider it as the working version of this song for your consideration...thanks, Bunny

As usual, comments,corrections and suggestions are all taken seriously and greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Bunny

A Season Without Change

Verse 1
The falling leaves accumulate
And signal there's a chill.
I can feel it in my bones;
I can feel it in my heart.
Your hold on my hand is lighter
Every time we stroll
I can hear it in your voice;
Telling me we've grown apart

Verse 2
October moon lights up your eyes,
Yet vacant underneath.
Ghosts of love's retreat,
A flame dies down to embers.
The harvest frost now covers more
Than surfaces exposed.
A coldness in the air
Hides pain the heart remembers

Chorus
It's certain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind
A season without change can never be,
While the sands of time keep flowing
And the bindings come undone
A love so worn can never set you free.

Verse 3
The brisk sharp edge of autumn wind
Stings cold across your face.
The memories recalled,
A true love to remember.
Colors melt sooner in the sky
Jays take wing for winter home,
Shadows lengthen every day,
A fragile love lost before November

Chorus
It'scertain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind
A season without change can never be.
While the sands of time keep flowing
And the bindings come undone
A love so worn can never set you free.

Coda:
It's certain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind,
A season without change can never be.
A season without change can never be.

© Copyright 2019 John Parrish

Last edited on Wed Oct 16th, 2019 04:45 am by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Tue Oct 15th, 2019 11:05 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I really like the mood and feel of this. It feels sophisticated and contemplative.

But to me the rhythm isn't quite there.
V1 seems the strongest in that regard, but even there it could tighten a little. So maybe more like:

The falling leaves accumulate
And signal there's a chill.
I can feel it in my bones;
I can feel it in my heart.
Your hold on my hand is lighter
Every time we stroll
I can hear it in your voice;
Telling me we've grown apart

And then keep to that pattern across the other verses.
The chorus feels smooth already.
That said, you may have it mapped out to music already with a perfect fit!

The imagery is lovely, especially lines like:
October moon lights up your eyes
very nice!

I'd suggest investing a little more time in this one, but well worth the effort!



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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 12:54 am
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bunnythesinger
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Thanks RDM...I actually wrote it around a piece of instrumental music I wrote years ago...and it fits,.... nicely, BUT, I dont like it with it. I like your suggestion..will try it later...The other piece, is good, and this concept is good; they are not good for each other however...lol. Good call. Thanks

Bunny

Update : I have done a preliminary edit, so i can copy/paste take it into word processor and finesse this a little bit. The good news is that the more i read it , the more i like the imagery.

Ill probably repost the song as a reply in this thread inorder for it to be able to be compared.

Bunny

Last edited on Wed Oct 16th, 2019 01:09 am by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 02:00 am
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bunnythesinger
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This is an edit and an updated post for this song, with much of the verbal gymnastics mitigated. I think I am still saying what I wanted to say here with out having to sound like Gilbert and Sullivan syllable counts.
Bunny


A Season Without Change

Verse 1
The falling leaves accumulate
And signal there's a chill.
I can feel it in my bones;
I can feel it in my heart.
Your hold on my hand is lighter
Every time we stroll
I can hear it in your voice;
Telling me we've grown apart

Verse 2
October moon lights up your eyes,
Yet vacant underneath.
Ghosts of love's retreat,
A flame dies down to embers.
The harvest frost now covers
The surfaces exposed.
A coldness in the air
Hides pain the heart remembers

Chorus
It's certain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind
A season without change can never be,
While the sands of time keep flowing
And the bindings come undone
A love so worn can never set you free.

Verse 3
The brisk sharp edge of autumn wind
Stings cold across your face.
The memories recalled,
A true love to remember.
Colors wash the evening sky
Jays take wing for winter
Shadows lengthen every day,
A fragile love lost before November

Chorus
It'scertain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind
A season without change can never be.
While the sands of time keep flowing
And the bindings come undone
A love so worn can never set you free.

Coda:
It's certain that you can feel it
As it's written on the wind,
A season without change can never be.
A season without change can never be.

© Copyright 2019 John Parrish



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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 02:15 am
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RainyDayMan
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That's definitely tightened things up!

I didn't call out these lines earlier, but I like these too:
The brisk sharp edge of autumn wind
Stings cold across your face.


and

A season without change can never be



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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 02:43 am
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bunnythesinger
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Its funny sticking with that old melody which i didnt like, and was trying to make use of, had left me with a song I was not terribly happy with..I liked the concept, it just wasnt what it is now, It was not easy to sing even when it fit the old melody, as it was very asymmetric...translation..not easy to sing.

Long story short...better now.

Bunny

Last edited on Wed Oct 16th, 2019 02:47 am by bunnythesinger



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"People always ask me what I write first, words or lyrics...and I always say, Yes." Martin Mull
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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 05:50 am
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cmaja
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Great rewrite, Bunny! I was going to get on your case about the verses but I was too busy to comment. I definitely agree with RD Man. Now it’s solid all the way through and very musical.

Charles



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 Posted: Wed Oct 16th, 2019 06:01 am
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bunnythesinger
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Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
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Thanks...I think I was trying to write a 50 dollar song with a 5 dollar pen...just kidding....knew it was going to need work when i got up yesterday morning.. the pen comment was actually about #19 that I dropped moments ago. Lol

Bunny



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