The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Follow Your Mind
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Tue Oct 15th, 2019 06:28 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 657
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Got this idea while watching TV yesterday. Wrote verse 1 down immediately. Finished it today.

Follow Your Mind
_________________Verse/Chorus
Verse 1:
Some men don’t know a good thing when see it
Some men don’t get true love or how to keep it
She says to herself while thinking how to break free
Love was great when they started out but now they disagree
Walk out the door, don’t return, she tried that route before
And she needs a place to stay and a whole lot more, ‘cause

Chorus:
When love has turned to pain
And it works against you
And tears roll down like rain
And your love resents you
Break the chains, leave the love behind
Forget your heart, follow your mind

Verse 2:
Some days are okay and he seem quite nice
Some days she bites her tongue or she pays the price
She talks to herself ‘bout going back to her home
Though her mom says you gotta work it out on your own
She calls her mom and tells her she can’t go on like this
And she needs a place to stay, all has gone amiss, ‘cause

Chorus:
When love has turned to pain
And it works against you
And tears roll down like rain
And your love resents you
Break the chains, leave the love behind
Forget your heart, follow your mind

Verse 3:
Some towns look the same passing through by train
Some men never change, lock your heart in chains
She says to herself as the wheels lull her to sleep
Dreaming of the day her knight takes her away for keeps
She calls her mom to tell her she’s on her way back home
Though she lived in fear, she can’t live her life alone, though

Chorus:
When love has turned to pain
And it works against you
And tears roll down like rain
And your love resents you
Break the chains, leave the love behind
Forget your heart, follow your mind

Verse 4:
Some things never change, spite of all the years
Some men are to blame, daughter’s all in tears
She says to herself as she listens to her girl
Love finds a way to break your heart and mess up your world
She tells her she’s not on her own or is she alone
She needn’t live in fear, she always has a home, and

Chorus:
When love has turned to pain
And it works against you
And tears roll down like rain
And your love resents you
Break the chains, leave the love behind
Forget your heart, follow your mind

Post Chorus:
Yes, forget your heart, follow your mind

© 2019 Charles M Anderson

Last edited on Sat Oct 26th, 2019 03:45 am by cmaja



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top 


 Posted: Tue Oct 15th, 2019 07:16 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
bunnythesinger
Member


Joined: Fri Aug 2nd, 2019
Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
Posts: 440
Favorite Artist: John Prine, Steve Goodman,Meatloaf, Hall&Oates, Bonnie Raitt, Amy Wineh
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Charles, this is very good. Structurally as well as content and the subject is so important...and tough to tackle. Very nice work.

Bunny



____________________
"People always ask me what I write first, words or lyrics...and I always say, Yes." Martin Mull
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Oct 15th, 2019 10:49 pm
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5828
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I like this a lot Charles.

It's a sensitive treatment of a difficult subject.

I like the "Some..." pattern in those opening lines of each verse, draws it together. And the rhyming scheme feels good without getting in the way.

The 3rd person view feels like a good choice here. Something to watch at a distance rather than to put yourself directly into.

Strong write!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Oct 17th, 2019 07:16 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 657
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Yea guys, I worked this one over carefully. I knew I had to do it in third person so I could get into her inner thoughts and feelings. I watched the rhymes, alliteration and repetition to keep it singable. You’d think I started with that title but I changed it right before I posted it. I didn’t even notice it was catchy until I read it the next day. Serendipity!

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Oct 26th, 2019 12:45 am
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 254
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Gettin' there. A few rough edges, syntactically and phonetically. I would change how to "now (or then) they disagree". Good potential for a song, Charles

Last edited on Sat Oct 26th, 2019 12:47 am by SongWriterJoe



____________________
"I'm not sure if my heart is in my music - or my music is in my heart!"
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Oct 26th, 2019 03:47 am
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 657
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanks, SW Joe. I changed how to now.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
Back To Top


Current time is 08:50 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1716 seconds (18% database + 82% PHP). 26 queries executed.