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Cold Light Of Dawn
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 Posted: Tue Oct 8th, 2019 02:15 pm
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Janke
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https://soundcloud.com/user-728638741/cold-light-of-dawn-work-track
Developing this theme of 'cold light of dawn' has been in my head for a good while.  Attached is my latest of two or three approaches.  I'm still messing with the lyrics, so wondered what you all think.  The production is home laptop stuff, meaning I'm in total (low-budget) control (LOL), so any comments on the words or the music or whatever is welcome and will be appreciated!
Cold Light Of Dawn
In the cold light of dawn there's a feeling of regret
For time that has been wasted
And the money that was spent
In the cold light of dawn there's a sense of loneliness
For the something that was broken
And the nothing that was left

In the cold light of dawn there's a vision lost in time
Of a place we barely knew
Of a way we could not find

In the cold light of dawn there's a taste of bitterness
From the something that was sweet
But left poison on our breath

In the cold light of dawn there are memories that don't fit
And the lie that fed your spirit
Has left your body sick
In the cold light of dawn things are suddenly intense
And whatever you were thinking
Completely robbed your sense

In the cold light of dawn there's a face with flaming eyes
And he's looking right at you
And he's measuring your life

In the cold light of dawn there's a haunting in your soul
And it's lying in your bed
And you're freezing from the cold

In the cold light of dawn you can see the way you turned
And you shake your head in wonder
How you heard but never learned

In the cold light of dawn you're a prisoner of your shame
Who'd give anything for freedom
Who'd say anything to change

In the cold light of dawn there are souls among the trees
That were nothing more than shadows
Now they're shining in the street

In the cold light of dawn they are giving you a chance
They are praying for your weakness
They are holding out their hands.

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 Posted: Tue Oct 8th, 2019 10:23 pm
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ChrisPrice
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I think this is fabulous. I love the vocal. The arrangement is unusual too. When I first started listening to it I wanted a more conventional drum track but, the more I listen, the more I really like it as it is. Nice lyrics. They seem sad but hopeful at the same time. I really can't criticise this cos it's great.

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 Posted: Wed Oct 9th, 2019 01:33 pm
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Janke
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Thanks, Chris.  I particularly appreciate that you got both sadness and hope out of it.  I'll make sure not to change that.  Also like your comment about the drums.  When I'm working up parts, nothing seems to give me as much trouble!  I at least didn't want it to drag, so I'm happy to get your reaction. 

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 Posted: Thu Oct 10th, 2019 01:12 am
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samiamiamsam
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Good song. Great production. I liked your guitar playing and singing.
Has a Leonard Cohen vibe to it. Very cool!



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 Posted: Thu Oct 10th, 2019 04:46 am
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Janke
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Thanks for listening and for your comments.  I see you have an ear for Leonard Cohen.  Good catch.  I thought it might be a little obscure, the way this is done up in an alt rock setting, but yes, he's certainly been an influence.  His tone, phrasing, and poetry all make good studies.

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 Posted: Thu Oct 10th, 2019 07:43 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like the tone and mood of this.

I wouldn't mind hearing a bit more variation though.
To that end, you might use
In the cold light of dawn
as a single line on its own with a pause before and after to break things up a bit.

You might experiment with some heavy bass notes used sparingly but lingering on.

Perhaps more of a Wurlitzer sound on the synth?



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 Posted: Thu Oct 10th, 2019 12:32 pm
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jamestoffee
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I like a lot about this. Nice production, well crafted lines, good vocal delivery.

Lyrically, I think it's almost there, but would need to be tweaked to draw me in. I went the whole song not knowing what it's about. Your writing second person, to me the listener, but I'm thinking, "No, I'm not feeling that way".

Consider playing around with different POV to add more impact. For example it could be a bad choice told from different character POVs, or it could be different characters revealing different choices played out badly and affecting others.

Again, there are a lot of great lines, but it's hard to imagine/comprehend/process they are all happening to one person (named as 'you' the listener) at once; especially not even knowing what the bad thing is the singer is singing about.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Last edited on Thu Oct 10th, 2019 12:34 pm by jamestoffee



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 Posted: Sat Oct 12th, 2019 12:58 am
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Sean T.
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This is a very well written song. Great music too. I liked this very much. Dark. Nice.



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 Posted: Sat Oct 12th, 2019 10:08 am
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Timo Davids
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I like this song. The guitar is well composed and fits to the smoky voice. Nice voice btw.

Just one note: On my setup the guitar is on the right side of my speakers. Maybe put the guitar a little bit more in the middle. But maybe it is my setup.



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