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M.P. Dudash
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Girl I think it’s time
To lay it on the line
And let you know exactly
What’s been on my mind

As I reflect on my regrets
The one that cuts me deepest
Is the one that breaks my soul, the one that broke will
The one that haunts me still

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
It’s the love we’ve never made
That keeps me in this place

Our yesterday’s have turned to years
With every day it gets more clear
I pray it’s not too late, I changed fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

I can’t imagine life without you
Or the heartache I’d go through
If we never would have worked out
Now I pay for my excuse

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
It’s the love we’ve never made
That keeps me in this place

Our yesterday’s have turned to years
With every day it gets more clear
I pray it’s not too late, I changed fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

The only one to ever scare me
I believe is my soulmate
That’s why I’m stuck here with the regret
I’ll have to carry to my grave

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
I changed fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

Copyright © Michael P. Dudash 9/18/2019

Last edited on Wed Sep 18th, 2019 04:30 pm by M.P. Dudash

bunnythesinger
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MP , I really like the chorus on this song. Personally, I am struggling with the verse/bridge "I can't imagine life without you...". I am no pro when it comes to this, so there is a good chance Ive read it wrong. In the remainder of the song, it felt like he was regretting what 'wasn't, but might have been' and this section, made me think they actually had gotten together.
Now, I pulled those 4 lines out and found a great song. I like it a lot...and I really like the use of a prelude verse at the opening of the song, harkens me back to the original versions of Stardust and other songs. Its a very nice touch.
Overall, I like it a lot.

Bunny

M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Bunny, to be honest what I originally had started out with 3 line verses but I lost the melody I had in mind and changed it. The rhyme scheme I used is not what I’m used to but figured I’d try something different. It may need some finessing. Thanks for looking.

Andrea
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Nice write. like the idea of the missing chance.

I agree I was thrown off by this verse "I can’t imagine life without you
Or the heartache I’d go through
If we never would have worked out
Now I pay for my excuse"

It seems to say something different than the others.

M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Andrea, that was meant to mean if they had gotten together and it didn’t work out. It may need some work. Btw, thanks for the comments on the other one as well. If it’s an older write I try not to bump it above the newer ones and tbh haven’t been around much.

Andrea
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
Thanks Andrea, that was meant to mean if they had gotten together and it didn’t work out. It may need some work. Btw, thanks for the comments on the other one as well. If it’s an older write I try not to bump it above the newer ones and tbh haven’t been around much.

Sorry, Not sure which post you are referring to. I haven't had much time lately to read through as many posts as I would like. I hope to make my way through more as I have time. Hope no one minds when I get there.

RainyDayMan
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I like the feeling and the phrasing Mike.

Having a little trouble picking up the rhythm of it. Maybe it will need some adjustment once you've picked up the melody again, but certainly worth pursuing.

Mike Stacey
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Regardless of the verses, I feel like the hook to this song is so solid. It is definitely worth refining and pursuing a finished product. Very good hook , I enjoyed the read.

M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Owen, thanks Mike.

M.P. Dudash
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A rewrite more along the lines of the original idea

Girl I think it’s time
To lay it on the line
And let you know exactly how I feel

As I reflect on my regrets
The one that cuts me deepest
Is the one that breaks my soul, and haunts me still

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
It’s the love we’ve never made
That keeps me in this place

Now our yesterday’s are gone
And those days turned into years
I pray it’s not too late, did I change fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

I can’t imagine life without you
Or the heartache I’d go through
If we tried but never worked out, now I pay for my excuse

Are we better off as friends, I guess that all depends
If I had a second chance, I know I would be your man
And we’d still be holding hands

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
It’s the love we’ve never made
That keeps me in this place

Our yesterday’s have turned to years
With every day it gets more clear
I pray it’s not too late, did I change fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

The only one to ever scare me
I believe is my soulmate
That’s why I’m stuck here with this regret
I’ll have to carry to my grave

You’re the chance I didn’t take
The dream I failed to chase
Did I changed fate with one mistake
You’re the chance I didn’t take

No one will ever take the place....
Of the chance I didn’t...... take

Copyright © Michael P. Dudash 10/1/2019

Last edited on Thu Dec 19th, 2019 03:25 am by M.P. Dudash

RainyDayMan
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Those opening verses feel much smoother now. The
...A, ...A, ...B
structure flows better. Probably because that was the original inspiration.

In fact I wonder if you should apply that again further down? So maybe:
I can’t imagine life without you
Or the heartache I’d go through
If we tried and failed, but that's just my excuse

Are we better off as friends
I guess that all depends
With a second chance, I know what I would choose
...or more like that.

BTW I like those 2 lines:
Are we better off as friends
I guess that all depends

I think this part might make a good bridge:
The only one to ever scare me...

Then your chorus can stay in the 4 line format for both
You’re the chance I didn’t take...
and
Our yesterday’s have turned to years...

M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Owen, appreciate the advice. I see what you’re saying. Probably needs cleaned up some more. I like this one so I think I’ll keep plugging away.

Seamus2
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Nice story friend, good job.


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