The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank  
AuthorPost
SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 247
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Song Title: Used Ta Be's Don't Count Anymore
Lyrics Copyright © 2019
Joe Givens

{Guitar Intro}

{V1}

Used ta be's don't count anymore.
Since I watched ya - walkin' out that door
You made your choice, honey.. that's for shore .
No, used ta he's don't count anymore.

We used ta be like one and one are two.
Now we're separate it's just me or just you
Gotta admit it cuz we know it's true
There ain't much left for us to do.

{To Chorus:}

{V2}

All I got left are some old memories..
An' ya can't take those away from me..
I remember how times used ta be
When we were a cozy little family.

Our lives used ta be just like a dream
You an' me made one heckuva team
An' it was good - yeah ya know what I mean
I was your king an' you were my queen.

{To Chorus:}

{V3}

Used ta be we were talk uh the town
Then ya had ta go a-foolin' aroun'.
Darlin' love ya but I won't be your clown
Played that game before.. it got me down.

Please believe me darlin'..  hear what I say.
Done soul searchin'.. don't see no other way
An' thought an' thought about this many a day
But my heart is broke an' won't let me stay

{To Chorus:}

{Chorus}

No, used ta be's don't count anymore
I've cried and cried til my eyes are sore
All those excuses, yeah I've heard 'em before.
Those used ta be's don't count anymore.

{Outro}

So I guess we gotta say our goodbyes.
Wish it was different but you didn't  try.
So we might as well just say our goodbyes
'Cuz used ta be's don't count anymore.

Those used ta bes just don't count anymore!
Used-ta-be's..
Don't count anymore!

{End}

Last edited on Fri Oct 18th, 2019 07:56 pm by SongWriterJoe

bunnythesinger
Member


Joined: Fri Aug 2nd, 2019
Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
Posts: 440
Favorite Artist: John Prine, Steve Goodman,Meatloaf, Hall&Oates, Bonnie Raitt, Amy Wineh
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Joe, I like it. Has a nice sing to it...and of course I am a sucker for anything I can sing bluesy. Wow, 4 line rhymes...thats an accomplishment...I get lucky with 2. Nice job.

Bunny

SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 247
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanx bunny. Not my fave, but might go commercially. Who knows? Probably could stand a bit more polish.

Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 919
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi Joe, I like your hook. It's got the roots of a good country song.

I agree with Bunny, the rhyming is quite impressive! It all fits together very nicely. I like it!

Last edited on Thu Sep 12th, 2019 09:59 pm by Andrea

cmaja
Member


Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 644
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Lyle Lovett, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hey SW Joe,
I can’t seem to identify the chorus. Is V1 four stanzas or is the first stanza the chorus? I love the lyric; it’s perfectly singable, but I’m a little confused.

On the last line of the first stanza did you mean “use to be’s” or is “use to he’s” your intent?

Charles

SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 247
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
@cmaja: "Used to be", but shown as I would expect it to be sung phoenetically. I decided not to repeat the chorus. V2 is intentionally shorter than v1, as I might suggest some kind of musical interlude in there. Thanx.

SWJ

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5805
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
It's a solid lyric Joe. Not necessarily saying anything novel, but well constructed and a good fit for the style.
I like your rhyming scheme too. With the right music could go a long way.

As a minor sug:
I've cried and cried til my eyes are sore > I've tried and cried till my eyes are sore

SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 247
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Thanx guys (and gals!). I almost shelved this one because I considered it 2nd, maybe even 3rd tier, not 'primo'. Guess I'll give it some more effort. We all often have blinders on when we write. Sometimes, at least for me anyway, I'll either consider something better (or worse) than it actually is. We just gotta take a step back and let someone else give their honest feedback and objective constructive critique, + or -, to know which way to go. That's what I like about the cameraderie of this site.

SWJ

Last edited on Tue Sep 24th, 2019 07:53 pm by SongWriterJoe

bunnythesinger
Member


Joined: Fri Aug 2nd, 2019
Location: Central Midlands, South Carolina USA
Posts: 440
Favorite Artist: John Prine, Steve Goodman,Meatloaf, Hall&Oates, Bonnie Raitt, Amy Wineh
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I couldn't agree with you more Joe...both about the way we write with blinders at times and about the site cameraderie. As one of the new guys here I have felt a lot of acceptance. It's funny you felt somewhat differently about the quality of this song than the group did...I have felt that way about a number of the pieces Ive put up. Very odd the way we all see our work. Keep up the good work.

Bunny

SongWriterJoe
Member


Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
Location: Eugene, Oregon USA
Posts: 247
Favorite Artist: Randy Travis, Garth Brooks, The Monkees, The Beatles, Santana, 3 ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Finally finished it and set the phrasing. Whew


UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1802 seconds (17% database + 83% PHP). 28 queries executed.