The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Taking Back What's Mine Lyrics
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sun Sep 8th, 2019 01:23 am
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
Kayla813
Member


Joined: Mon Aug 13th, 2012
Location: Boston, Massachusetts USA
Posts: 160
Favorite Artist: Owl City, Blue October, AirborneToxicEvent, Keane, SP, u2,Coldplay, LP,mb20
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Wikid Pissah (a boston term) I wrote 3 paragraphs of lyrics recently that got erased somehow from my phone >=O booo...

Oh well, wrote these one night a couple weeks ago on paper, enjoy :)



<1st verse>
What's so wrong
with writing a song?
It's somewhere I feel I belong.

I've run away
from home,
so many times to fit where I don't belong.

<chorus>
They were so sour,
about my power
from the start.
Why would you be jealous & abuse, & tear me apart.

<2nd verse>
I'm getting stronger
I resist no longer,
Letting someone tell me who to be,
It only makes you look crazy, trust me.

I tried,
you lied.
I died,
I cry.

<chorus>
They were so sour,
about my power
from the start.
Why would you be jealous & abuse, & tear me apart.


<bridge>
Be careful what you hear,
Things aren't always as they appear.

When dealing with controversy,
Remember it's God who sees.
Not the tiny schemes of little men,
that make you think you don't fit God's plan.

<chorus>
They were so sour,
about my power
from the start.
Why would you be jealous & abuse, & tear me apart.

<closing>
Good luck
Good luck

I don't give a ****
I don't give a ****

Have fun
Have fun

I'm done
I'm done.



____________________


I held on as long as I could possibly
My blind faith pushing me to my knees
I felt the warmth of a touch
and it made me believe
I knew it well
-Airborne Toxic Event*Hell and Back-
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Sep 8th, 2019 02:51 am
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5451
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Online
I like this Kayla. There is attitude and power to the lyric. And it all seems to flow quite smoothly.

My favorite part:
I've run away
from home,
so many times to fit where I don't belong



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Sep 11th, 2019 05:26 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
LongShadows
Member


Joined: Wed Jul 18th, 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
Posts: 222
Favorite Artist: CSNY, Dylan, Paul Simon, Yes, Tull, the Who, Floyd, Patti, ...
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I'm trying to make some sense of this but it seems disjointed to me.
I think the constant change of person throws me off.
There's you, and me and they and someone, and even God, and I'm not sure who's doing what to whom.
I think you work a little too hard on your rhymes. Try working out the image, or feeling, or event that you want to describe first, then the rhymes just will fall into place,(sometimes).


Feel free to read anything I've posted before you decide if you want advice from the likes of me. There's no Grammys sitting on my mantle.

Last edited on Wed Sep 11th, 2019 06:03 am by LongShadows



____________________
Just call me Gregg
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Sep 11th, 2019 05:26 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
LongShadows
Member


Joined: Wed Jul 18th, 2012
Location: Portland, Oregon USA
Posts: 222
Favorite Artist: CSNY, Dylan, Paul Simon, Yes, Tull, the Who, Floyd, Patti, ...
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Oops

Last edited on Wed Sep 11th, 2019 05:27 am by LongShadows



____________________
Just call me Gregg
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Sep 11th, 2019 12:55 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 748
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Hi Kayla,

I agree with Gregg, try not to focus on the rhymes. They can come at a later time. It seems that there are multiple ideas/storylines all in this one song. Maybe you can develop 2 or 3 from here. For now focus on one, build your verses around that one idea. Only add lines that help describe or demonstrate the story you want to tell.


For instance you could begin with these lines:

"I've run away
from home,
so many times to fit where I don't belong." (like this)

then expand using how writing songs help you find a place you belong. How does it do that for you? Each verse could focus on a different way writing helps you find yourself, and a chorus could say how it makes you feel.

Just ideas to keep or sweep :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


Current time is 04:37 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1499 seconds (8% database + 92% PHP). 27 queries executed.