The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank  
AuthorPost
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Sorry for the string squeeks on this track!
Not sure about the title for this one.

Back to the lonely days
© 2019 Owen Hovenden

Link to music

Verse 1:
She came out of the closet
With her head hung in her hands
Peeking through her fingers
Hoping they would understand

Pre-Chorus:
Closing her eyes
Telling her story
Holding tight

Chorus:
She won't go back to the lonely days, hiding herself away
Won't go back to the lonely days, hiding her heart away


Verse 2:
She watched all the reactions
From her friends as she opened their eyes
Sympathy and kindness
Anger and surprise

Pre-Chorus 2:
Speaking her mind
Telling her story
Walking in pride

Chorus

Bridge:
Some let go, some held tight
Know she knows the wrong kind from the right

<break>

Chorus x 2

jamestoffee
Member


Joined: Thu Apr 25th, 2019
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 312
Favorite Artist: Sting, JohnMayer, SarahMcL,Yes, Beatles, CaitlinRose, Lush, SufjanStevens
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Sounding good. I like the gtr effect you're using.

Here are some tweaks on the lyrics to take or toss...

Verse 1:
She came out of the closet
With (HER DIARY/THE TRUTH HELD) in her hands
WRINGING her fingers
Hoping they would understand

Pre-Chorus:
Closing her eyes
Telling her story
Holding tight

Chorus:
She won't go back to the lonely days, hiding herself away
Won't go back to the lonely days, SHE'S HERE TO STAY

Verse 2:
She FELT EVERY reaction
(From) BEING HERSELF as she opened their eyes
Sympathy and kindness
Anger and surprise

Pre-Chorus 2:
Speaking her mind
Telling her story
Walking in pride

Chorus

Bridge:
Some let go, some held TIGHTER
NOW she knows the PRIZE/PRICE OF BEING A FIGHTER

<break>

Chorus x 2

Thanks for sharing.

James

Last edited on Fri Aug 30th, 2019 11:27 am by jamestoffee

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks James! Interesting suggestions, I'll ponder those.

The guitar effect is from the "Guitar Rig 5" VST from Native Instruments which is available for free if you want it.

jamestoffee
Member


Joined: Thu Apr 25th, 2019
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 312
Favorite Artist: Sting, JohnMayer, SarahMcL,Yes, Beatles, CaitlinRose, Lush, SufjanStevens
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
The guitar effect is from the "Guitar Rig 5" VST from Native Instruments which is available for free if you want it.

Thanks for the info. I'm already a VST junkie to where my computer disks are almost maxed out and I have so many sounds/effects I don't even know all I have anymore, so I probably already have it :Thumbs

Motorist Sketchbook
Member


Joined: Sat Apr 28th, 2018
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts: 990
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Wow. Nicely done.

Love the guitar work. The chord progression and that chiming sound that comes in. Nice.
Not sure of the chiming sound was guitar or keyboard.

- Sketch

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Steve! I think the chiming sound is likely to be synth piano that I put in via MIDI. I use that very sparsely just for effect.

samiamiamsam
Member


Joined: Mon Jun 18th, 2018
Location: Charlotte , North Carolina USA
Posts: 797
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Pink Floyd, Leadbelly, Nirvana, REM, Leonard Cohen, Robert Johnson
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Really great song Owen. Awesome guitar playing. I actually don't mind the squeaking.
Very catchy chorus. And I love how it ends. Overall it sounds very nice.

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Sam! That's wonderful to hear :)

ChrisPrice
Contributor
 

Joined: Sun Jun 30th, 2019
Location: Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 203
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Nice song and well performed. I like the vocal and the guitar chord progressions are great. If I have one doubt it is about the drum track which sounds a little awkward at times. I have the feeling that some light percussion might be more suitable. So said, I really like this.

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks for the feedback Chris! I wouldn't call drums a strength of mine, so you are probably on to something there :)

Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1032
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Great story. The music and vocals fit nicely. I enjoyed this a lot.

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Great! Thanks Andrea! :)

Andrea
Contributor
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 1032
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I was browsing the site and noticed your title and thought, "that isn't what his song was about". Now I see you are unsure on the title. Maybe "wont Go Back" instead :)

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Not a bad suggestion! Better than the current one :)
I might use that!

Kellyanneg
Member
 

Joined: Fri May 31st, 2019
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 80
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Owen, great tune. Your structure is great, love the chords and contrast with the chorus, prechorus etc...it's a great song! I did find that I was expecting a a peak in the song before the final chorus. A melodic change. Something to make the bridge stand out? Just an "ear"/feel thing. Great writing, and well-suited for the current issues of society. Well done. Your melodys are great!

Last edited on Tue Sep 10th, 2019 09:03 pm by Kellyanneg

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks KellyAnne. I'll take another listen to that middle section. Appreciate the feedback :)

Kellyanneg
Member
 

Joined: Fri May 31st, 2019
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 80
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I agree with Andrea on her title suggestion, she nailed it. :thumbsup
Great writing Owen!

jgkojak
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 5th, 2018
Location: Lawrence, Kansas USA
Posts: 168
Favorite Artist: Beatles, McCartney, Dylan, Beach Boys, Elvis Costello
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
Love the chords and the structure on this one - I am hearing Metallica... feels like that guitar should be louder and crunchier...

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
@Kellyanneg Thanks!

@jgkojak Interesting. Would make for a very strong contrast with the verses. I'll give it a try out.

moptop
Member


Joined: Mon Jul 8th, 2019
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 213
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Alan Parsons, Archies, Benny Goodman, anything else good! 60's ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
RD Man, I have to agree with James and Sketch on the guitar work and the effect you used. Clean but swirly, I like it a lot.

Okay, is the first line meant as I'm interpreting it?.....
"She came out of the closet"?? If so then that makes the lyrics mean that much more. Well done.

The guitar work is very reminiscent of The Police's Message in a bottle, but much more refined! Very, very, cool!

Thanks for sharing.

Last edited on Mon Sep 16th, 2019 11:36 pm by moptop

RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 5892
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks Moptop!

Yes, it's about telling everyone she is gay.

@jgkojak I tried out the heavier sound for the intro/chorus and it works really well there. But not so well for the verses - would require a significant rework, and I don't think I have the right voice for the vocal style that would be needed. Good call though.


UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1921 seconds (9% database + 91% PHP). 28 queries executed.