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Wagon
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 04:15 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Some men like whiskey
Others like weed
Each one is destined
To fulfill his needs

The problem I’m finding
Is I’m not that strong
Please find me a wagon
A couple months long

Then I’d break the habit
The want to’d be gone
Maybe I wouldn’t fall off
Each night I get home

The wine from a barrel
Is like the smoke from a bong
I’m in need of a wagon
A couple months long

The feel of the liquor
Compares to the smoke
While one man’s angry
The other tells jokes

What’s the lesser of evils
Guess we’ll find out in time
Please find me a wagon
A couple miles wide

Then I’d break the habit
The want to’d be gone
Maybe I wouldn’t fall off
Each night I get home

I don’t know the reasons
Or why I even try
Please build me a wagon
A couple miles wide

Lessons worth learning
Are worth every dime
So long as they measure
Both long and wide

Please build me a wagon...
Big enough for my life...

Copyright © Michael P. Dudash 8/28/2019



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 06:48 pm
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bunnythesinger
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MP , I like this. Particularly the contrast between long and wide on either end of the song. Nicely done.
Bunny



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 07:40 pm
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samiamiamsam
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That’s awesome MP. I like your use of the word wagon to convey sobriety.
Very personal lyrics. Powerful stuff.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 07:43 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Bunny.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 07:44 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Sam. I was hoping it worked.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 09:13 pm
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samiamiamsam
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M.P. Dudash wrote:
Thanks Sam. I was hoping it worked.

Yeah, it definitely works. Great job man.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 10:46 pm
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Mike Stacey
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I really enjoyed the lyrics, we all have vice's that if not kept in check become demons. This is really relatable I enjoyed it.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 29th, 2019 11:30 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Mike.



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 Posted: Sun Sep 1st, 2019 03:04 am
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RainyDayMan
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Well, if this is a drought breaker, it's a darn good one!

I like that refrain, it's definitely a highlight, and the meaning is very clear. The switch from months to miles also adds to it. And you tie them nicely in the 'Lessons worth learning' verse (another highlight) with 'Both long and wide'.

Rhythmically, it almost has a blues feel to it.



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 Posted: Sun Sep 1st, 2019 06:20 am
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M.P. Dudash
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Thanks Owen.



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 Posted: Sun Sep 1st, 2019 06:34 pm
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BRD
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First of all, really like the lyrics. Flows easy.

The tune that I instinctively had in my head made it real easy to repeat the last line of the hook and taking the please off-

EX. The problem I’m finding
Is I’m not that strong
Please find me a wagon
A couple months long
Find me a wagon a couple months long.

and

The wine from a barrel
Is like the smoke from a bong
I’m in need of a wagon
A couple months long
I need a a wagon a couple months long.

And so on. Echoing that repeating thought really drives it home to me. If you have a tune already fleshed out, it may not jive at all, however.

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 Posted: Sun Sep 1st, 2019 11:07 pm
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Motorist Sketchbook
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I always like your play on words. Some very unique concepts. Which I can appreciate.
In reference to the wagon, I am reminded of the quote from the first Matrix movie.

"...there is no spoon." - The Spoon Boy to Neo

Or as applies to the wagon...

"There is no wagon."


- Sketch

PS --- Below is the full quote from Spoon Boy to Neo: 

"Do not try and bend the spoon, that's impossible.
Instead, only try to realize the truth...there is no spoon.
Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."




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 Posted: Mon Sep 2nd, 2019 12:29 am
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LongShadows
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I was going to say that you need to build your own wagon, but maybe that's what the song is. Knowing you need a wagon is the first step to acquiring one. But I'd never say something like that, too preachy.

I think the the want to'd bugged me for a minute, but I got over it because it fit the syntax perfectly.

Nice tight structure, clever rhyming, fire up the Teac fellas, let's make some magic.

Last edited on Mon Sep 2nd, 2019 12:31 am by LongShadows



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 Posted: Tue Sep 3rd, 2019 07:08 pm
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Andrea
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My second time reading, and I think it's great. It is clever and meaningful. The only line I didn't think fits perfectly is

"What’s the lesser of evils
Guess we’ll find out in time"

I think mainly because it is clear which evil is desired.



Gotta say it, you can find your wagon. Don't give up.

Last edited on Tue Sep 3rd, 2019 07:08 pm by Andrea



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 Posted: Tue Oct 8th, 2019 06:04 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Hey man I LOVE this! The only ambiguity I see is this:

The use of "wagon" wouldn't be clear to most listeners, unless you refer to "off the wagon", "Falling off the wagon", "on the wagon" and any other available metaphors"

On 2nd thought, this *might work*, just by reordering one verse for clarification:

Maybe I wouldn’t fall off
Each night I get home
Then I’d break the habit
The want to’d be gone

(Reasoning would be that the explanatory sentence would immediately follow the more ambiguous metaphor)

As usual, a nickel's worth of free advice.
Use or discard as you find appropriate.

SWJ

Last edited on Tue Oct 8th, 2019 06:11 am by SongWriterJoe



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