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Your wings were ready much to soon
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 07:43 am
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Seamus2
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Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

Angels came in the quiet of night
stole my love away
don't know how I'll carry on
how will I get through the day

been together for a lifetime
through all lifes highs and lows
now I'm left with empty thoughts
and the tears on my pillow

Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

they say that God has a plan
but its not the same as mine
or you would be here with me
until the end of time

Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

CopyrightAlanEvans14082019

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 Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 11:50 am
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bunnythesinger
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This is heartfelt, poignant, very emotional, and the hook is terrific.i like it ....would love to hear it. Bunny

Last edited on Wed Aug 14th, 2019 11:29 pm by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 06:59 am
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RainyDayMan
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Alan, I think some of these lines are truly great, especially:
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not


and I also like:
they say that God has a plan
but its not the same as mine


It's poignant and touching and has the potential to be something special.

But other parts still need some attention.
I don't think these are strong enough:
Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got

particularly the 2nd. Feels like it's there for the rhyme.
If you can up the ante on those you'll have a wonderful chorus.

My other suggestion is to make your verses twice as long.
Combine what's currently v1 and v2, and create another one to go with v3. The contrast in length against your shorter chorus will work in your favor, and it also creates some room internally to vary the melody within the verse.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 08:33 pm
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Andrea
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Well Alan, you succeeded with the emotional part. So sad.

I think this could be awesome. RDM made some great suggestions. Hope to see more.



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