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Your wings were ready much to soon
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 Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 08:43 am
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Seamus2
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Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

Angels came in the quiet of night
stole my love away
don't know how I'll carry on
how will I get through the day

been together for a lifetime
through all lifes highs and lows
now I'm left with empty thoughts
and the tears on my pillow

Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

they say that God has a plan
but its not the same as mine
or you would be here with me
until the end of time

Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not

CopyrightAlanEvans14082019

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 Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 12:50 pm
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bunnythesinger
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This is heartfelt, poignant, very emotional, and the hook is terrific.i like it ....would love to hear it. Bunny

Last edited on Thu Aug 15th, 2019 12:29 am by bunnythesinger



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 Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 07:59 am
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RainyDayMan
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Alan, I think some of these lines are truly great, especially:
your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not


and I also like:
they say that God has a plan
but its not the same as mine


It's poignant and touching and has the potential to be something special.

But other parts still need some attention.
I don't think these are strong enough:
Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got

particularly the 2nd. Feels like it's there for the rhyme.
If you can up the ante on those you'll have a wonderful chorus.

My other suggestion is to make your verses twice as long.
Combine what's currently v1 and v2, and create another one to go with v3. The contrast in length against your shorter chorus will work in your favor, and it also creates some room internally to vary the melody within the verse.



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 Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 09:33 pm
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Andrea
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Well Alan, you succeeded with the emotional part. So sad.

I think this could be awesome. RDM made some great suggestions. Hope to see more.



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 Posted: Tue Aug 20th, 2019 02:47 am
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BRD
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"your wings were ready much to soon
but I'm afraid my heart was not"

Strong, strong lines. Wish I thought of it. It's so strong, it really overshadows the two lines before it. In comparison,
"Can't believe you've gone so quickly
you are everything that I've got"
seems, I don't know, generic? Lines 3 and 4 are so strong, it's going to take a lot of thought, I think, to come up with a great 1st and 2nd line good enough to compliment it. However, that is a great problem to have.

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 Posted: Fri Aug 23rd, 2019 01:18 am
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jdtaper
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A sad, classic Country melody. Honest, emotional and heartbreaking in the best kind of way! :)



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 Posted: Mon Aug 26th, 2019 07:03 pm
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Seamus2
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how does

You were taken so quickly
you'll never be forgot

for the first two lines

I'm not sure.

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 Posted: Mon Aug 26th, 2019 11:49 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Maybe try a near rhyme?

We had a love to last a lifetime
Cherished in each others hearts

or something like that? You do already have "heart" in the final line.



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 Posted: Tue Aug 27th, 2019 10:22 am
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Seamus2
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it has got to rhyme with not for it to work, I'm lost lol

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 Posted: Tue Aug 27th, 2019 11:09 am
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RainyDayMan
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Well, trust your instincts! Perhaps stick with the original line for now. If you look at it again later something may come.



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 Posted: Tue Aug 27th, 2019 11:30 am
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Mike Stacey
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Just a suggestion for the lines.

You have gone so quickly
Death has tore us apart
Your wings wear ready much to Soon
But I'm afraid my heart was not.



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