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Bright lights, dark shadows
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Wed Aug 14th, 2019 08:05 am
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Seamus2
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Bright lights and dark shadows

small town girl heading for the city
wanted a taste of what life had
caught the red eye early evening
confused feelings of happy and sad

filled with excitement for the future
all her dreams swirl around her head
the red eye speeds towards her new life
she wondered what lay ahead

She finds work playing small bars
pays the rent but not much more
a few free drinks as tips are welcome
lifted by the crowds calls for more

wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
just a stream of highs and lows
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows

every night she returns to a room that's lonely
silence only broken by rattling trains
life ain't so easy in the big city
but she'll keep going while her dream remains

wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
just a stream of highs and lows
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows

CopyrightAlanEvans14082019

Verse 1:
small town girl heading for the city
for a taste of what life had
caught the red eye early evening
mixed feelings of happy and sad

Verse 2:
She finds work playing small bars
pays the rent but not much more
a few free drinks are always welcome
as the crowds calls out for more

Chorus:
bright lights and dark shadows
just a stream of highs and lows
wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
sometimes thats the way life goes
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows

Bridge:
every night she returns to a room that's lonely
silence only broken by rattling trains
life ain't so easy in the big city
but she'll keep going while her dream remains

Chorus
bright lights and dark shadows
just a stream of highs and lows
wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
sometimes thats the way life goes
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows

Last edited on Fri Aug 16th, 2019 10:38 pm by Seamus2

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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 07:33 am
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RainyDayMan
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There's some good things here.

I like how it starts with her heading into town on the red-eye, very literally the start of her journey.
And it's good how you tie that back later on with the reference to "rattling trains".

There's a few lines there that feel like they might be awkward to sing, so some sugs:
wanted a taste of what life had > for a taste of what life had
confused feelings of happy and sad > mixed feelings of happy and sad
a few free drinks as tips are welcome > a few free drinks are welcome
lifted by the crowds calls for more > as the crowds calls out for more

Structurally, I would bring in the chorus after v2, it feels a long time to wait at the moment.
But you need what is currently v3 for the chorus to make sense, so I would drop v2.

The part starting "every night..." would make a good bridge. It feels like it has a slightly different rhythm there.

I would also re-arrange your chorus to start with "bright lights and dark shadows" to hammer that home. So perhaps:
bright lights and dark shadows
just a stream of highs and lows
wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
something to rhyme with lows
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows



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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 11:32 am
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Seamus2
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If you have time could you write it as you see it, I'm not understanding exactly what you mean; I am absolutely not musical so I can't see it how you do, I wish that I could.

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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 01:05 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Sure. My suggestions would make it look like:

Verse 1:
small town girl heading for the city
for a taste of what life had
caught the red eye early evening
mixed feelings of happy and sad

Verse 2:
She finds work playing small bars
pays the rent but not much more
a few free drinks are always welcome
as the crowds calls out for more

Chorus:
bright lights and dark shadows
just a stream of highs and lows
wasn't quite the life she dreamt of
[need something here to rhyme with lows]
searching for that one big break
amongst the bright lights and dark shadows

Bridge:
every night she returns to a room that's lonely
silence only broken by rattling trains
life ain't so easy in the big city
but she'll keep going while her dream remains

Chorus



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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 10:42 pm
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Seamus2
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Thanks for that it's much appreciated, I've added your version to the end of my version for reference plus added the missing line. once again many thanks.

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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 11:17 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Alan, the new version reads well, which to me says its gonna sing well. The story is a good one, people not in the business think everyone who gets up and plays and sings does so because of the fame and money ...blah blah blah. Most of us have been there because there was simply no other way to express ourselves. Something inside tells us we HAVE to to feel human...like what we were created to be. I feel like regardless of whether shes famous or even just local...she has not only the desire but the need to play. Its why we write songs...its our voice...good job. Bunny



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 Posted: Tue Aug 27th, 2019 08:57 pm
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jdtaper
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Another amazing Country story song! I feel like the lyrics and tone have a more Modern, Contemporary Country feel than your usual Classic/Traditional Countyr songs. Not sure if that's what you were going for, but that's the music I hear in my head. It's great, either way! :)



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