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Andrea
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I wrote the original lyrics for a band upon request, I never heard back from them, so will assume they didn't care for them. Thanks to RainbowKeeper, we have been working together and have done some nice revisions.

An alternate to:
"We always found our way back
Yeah, we always found our way back"
is

"though all the nightmares and back,
Yeah, through all the nightmares and back"

Love to hear which we should go with. I like them both, so am torn.


Here is our co-write:

Invincible Love - Andrea Brennan and Ian P.

Do you you remember
When our heart first entwined?
When our heats first entwined?

Baring our souls
Like a secret pact
Blind faith believing
True love was a fact
Nothing could hold us back
Yeah, nothing could hold us back

Pre chorus
Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Chorus
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love is the key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

Holding hands
And each other's backs
We stood strong
When life threw us off track
We always found our way back
Yeah, we always found our way back

Pre chorus
Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Chorus
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love is the key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

We built our home
Wall by wall
We built our home
No matter how simple, not matter how small
We built our home
A cozy bed
And a table for two
We built our home
And we were sure, sure we had it all

Stronger than steel
Stronger than time
Nothing can split
Two hearts entwined
I'm forever yours
And you're forever mine

Original

Invincible love (hearts on a string)

It was Friday night
happy hour
when our hearts first entwined
we struck up a conversation
that went well past closing time

baring our souls
like a secret pact
blind faith believing
true love was a fact
nothing could hold us back
yeah, nothing could hold us back

pre chorus
too young to know better
too young to care
living each moment
on a wing and a prayer

Chorus
invincible love
hearts on a string
can conquer the odds
if we believe
invincible love
hearts on a string
forever and ever
you and me

we were very good
at playing house
in our hole in the wall
just a bed and a table for two
yet, we thought we had it all

holding hands
and each other's backs
we stood strong
when life threw us off track
our love was written in the Zodiac
yeah, our love was written in the Zodiac

Pre-chorus

Chorus

stronger than bullets
stronger than time
nothing can split
two hearts entwined
I'm forever yours
and you're forever mine

Chorus

Last edited on Wed Feb 19th, 2020 02:36 pm by Andrea

Andrea
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I made a couple changes since my first post. I would like to know if this is worth working on. Please be honest. I appreciate all feedback and help. Thanks

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Andrea, I really like this. The only line that threw me was the line about the Zodiac...wasn't sure where it came from...that was the first and last reference to it i saw...but it works rhythmically. This is definitely a keeper...
Bunny

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Andrea, I don't think you need more, I think you need less.

I would lose the opening verse "It was Friday night..."
It isn't particularly strong and adds nothing to the story.
I think you can start at "baring our souls..."

The pre-chorus feels tight, though I would change the second "too young" to too something else

The chorus feels ok. I like the repetition on your key lines. It will probably come out well with the right music.

I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. I know it's about childhood experience, but it doesn't convince me they are made for each other because they played house.

I'm ok with the Zodiac reference. A lost of people will relate there.

I like the "stronger than bullets" part as well.

I think by the time you put it to music with some turnarounds included it will be long enough.

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I like it Andrea, especially the chorus.
Happy to see something new from you.

Andrea
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Sorry everyone for the late replies, it has been a non stop busy week with work.

Bunny, Thanks for your feedback. The Zodiac line is a take on the saying 'our love is written in the stars' - like destiny.

Sam, thank you. The chorus was what I built the song around. That helps me that you like this part.

Andrea
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Thank RDM for the feedback. What I meant by more wasn't about the length, but about the idea of love enduring over time. I wasn't sure it had enough to give that sense/impact. Maybe it doesn't need to go farther? I am just not sure on that.

I had a hard time with V1. I wanted an introduction on how they met (chance/fate idea). I tried multiple ideas, but this one might sound ok when sung. V2 I really like, but think it wouldn't make a lot of sense without some V1.

You suggest,"I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. …" I could write something else. I will have to think more about it. Any suggestions?

Thanks for giving ideas for improvement :)

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Andrea, I like to revisit things I have commented on for two big reasons, first because I like seeing what work has been done to it, and mostly because a lot of my commentary is done in the middle of the night and I write something that I have no idea why I wrote it. I see and understand the zodiac reference now. Duh.

I really like the opening verse as part of the story, but that doesnt mean that it has to be sung...most performers leave out the opening verse to one of the most beautiful songs of all time, Hoagy Carmichael's Stardust.

Just revisiting and looking at it again...and liking it even more.

Bunny

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Hi Bunny, Thanks for revisiting. I have thought about making changes, but honestly I haven't decided what, if anything, I want to change. Comments by RDM weigh on my mind, but I haven't come up with anything better yet.


I am glad you are liking it more the second time around. I want everything to be perfect if possible. I didn't feel that way about this, but I do like it enough to post. Maybe if grows on people - a good thing :)

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Hey there,
With the greatest respect for you and your work little me wants to give some feedback too.
First of all I really like the chorus and the ending!
What seems to let me frown....is the beginning.
My first line would be „baring our souls“....the stuff u have there before makes it....well „not round“ in my opinion. But to fulfill the whole „message“ I may would keep the line „ when our hearts first entwined“ from the first bit of your song. This may be a good line for a backing vocal in the beginning of the song before the lead vocal starts with: baring our souls.... I think it fits because u bring up that line again later in your lead vocals/lyrics.
Just my opinion but it sounds good in „my inner ear“ 😅
Keep up the good work!

Andrea
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Hi RainbowKeeper (Awesome name, but lengthy to spell out. Can I call you Rainbow or RK?),

Thank you for your feedback. It has been a while since I wrote this. The band I wrote it for didn't get back to me (Maybe they didn't like it). I love the lines baring our souls, in a secret pact, but I thought it needed a set up. If you have ideas on a re-write, I would be very open to that.

Give me food for thought in any case - thank you

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Hey,
polite nice ppl can call me what ever they like lol. But I d go d‘accord with RK! Thank you btw for the compliment. But it’s quiet something that you think the name is to long...and this by a woman from pough...what was it? Poughalongadingdong near Albany (a city we have a nice „Schlager“song about btw) ;):):D
Well I don’t want to try to „get“ into your work if it’s not wanted, but if u really want me to think about it...I d give it a try!
Greetings!

Andrea
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Ok Rk! The difference here is I didn't name my town - lol :)

I am completely fine if you want to make changes in any of my lyrics. That is something I always expect (hope for) belonging to a forum like this. Nothing of mine is written in stone and I am happy to hear your thoughts. I would be up for a co-write too :)

Thanks

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Okey doki
I’ll try and see if I can come up with any idea. Not that easy but yeah...

And even if he sings about the #1 Albany ...the one in Europe .... I think it fits.... https://youtu.be/yb8SSDmhyaM 😂😂😂 btw he doesn’t speak my language...means he doesn’t know what he is singing about, he just sings it!

Cheerio

Andrea
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Sorry to say, I the video says it is not available in my country :(

If you have ideas, I will happily read them. I will look for posts by you too so I can leave feedback.

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Great that’s a deal!
Mhh sorry that it doesn’t work in the states...but since I read that name on the map near your home town my mind is singing along this lil silly song lol :D

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Well well...what do you think?:

Invincible love

[when our hearts first entwined x2]

Baring our souls
Like a secret pact
Blind faith believing
True love was a fact
Nothing could hold us back
Yeah, nothing could hold us back

Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love was our key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

Holding hands
And each other’s backs
We stood strong
When life threw us off track
Our love let colours arose out of the black
Yeah, there‘re colours where it once was black

We built our home
Wall by wall
We built our home
No matter how simple, no matter how small
We built our home
Wall by wall
Just a bed and a table for two
But we were sure we had it all

Stronger than steel
Stronger than time
Nothing can split
Two hearts entwined
Be forever yours
And you‘re forever mine

[fade out over: our two hearts entwined]


© by Andrea and Ian 17.02.2020

Last edited on Mon Feb 17th, 2020 02:10 pm by RainbowKeeper

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This reminds me of something funny my father used to tell me. He used to say "I don't care what you call me as long as it's not late for dinner. Call me 'late for dinner' and we're going to have a big fight!"

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Nice rhyming. I know how difficult it is to write a song that is not in your mother tongue (main language). Only one thing..

Holding hands
And (watching) each other’s backs
We were standing so strong
When life threw us off track
Our love lets colours ARISE from the black
Yeah, now there are colours where it used to be black

Last edited on Mon Feb 17th, 2020 06:24 am by SongWriterJoe

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Arise.... that was the word I was longing for!
Tyvm

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I have been going through both versions and here are my thoughts.

I agree V1 is not the strongest (I rewrote this so many times trying to find the right words. I agree it still is not great. but, I too like when our hearts first entwined, so would like to use that). I am not able to hear just "[when our hearts first entwined x2]" as the start/ lead in. I might prefer something more for an intro.

In the chorus, I like the changes you made. But I would say is rather than was: Love is our key

In this verse:

Holding hands
And each other’s backs
We stood strong
When life threw us off track
Our love let colours rose out of the black
Yeah, there‘re colours where it once was black

The first thing I see now is that the syllable count is off (it was for my lines too). I am fine with rewriting my lines, but I am not sold on these lines yet. I will think some more on these.

I like how you took the " we were very good..." verse and made it into a bridge. I like the way you wrote it too.

And lastly, you changed "I'm forever yours" to Be forever yours. I am not sure if it is that much different, and the last line should then say you'll be forever mine. I probably wouldn't change it.

Hope to hear your thoughts again. I hope we can work on this some more :)

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Hey glad u liked some of my input. I’m not really sold to the „black“ line either. Last night it sounded more glimmering...to me. but I’ll keep it in mind trying to find something better.
I changed your bullets into steel...dunno if u noticed that, but I thought to myself that bullets is not really a symbol I would like to have in a „love“ song like this....cough
Yap I put the love was our key line in the chorus just to keep it as simple in the „picture“ you painted around it with your lines.
Im glad that you enjoy the c-part or bridge if u wanna call it so. I thought why wasting good material if u only need to put it down in a new order...to give it a bit more solid ground in your message. Or maybe because this is just my style of doing it 😅😉
Same goes for the lines at the end of the lyrics...be forever...gives it more time to take a breath... when u sing it...I mean.... „be forever yours....(stop, get the simple but significant message ....) and your forever mine...kausal but strong brick for your whole message....
the lines as Intro and ending ...Well i just thought it makes the whole thing a bit more....round... cause I think it’s a great line and it would be a pity if it’s only one single time in. But of cause that’s your song... 😉

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RK, I didn't notice the change to steel, but I like it.

Is this too goofy to replace zodiac and black?

Nothing could make us crack
Yeah, nothing could make us crack

I liked the idea of mending cracks, a strong base/foundation.

Or, something like weathered storms, together intact...

Last lines: I think I am having a gramatical issue. How about?

Be forever yours
Be forever mine

As for the beginning. V2: baring our souls was a continuation of V1. Starting with baring our souls seems out of place to me. I haven't thought of an alternative,or a way around V1, but I will keep thinking.

Do you sing? Maybe you have a tune in your head that would me?

Thanks again for all the help :)

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Hey,
LOL seems as if u are a mind reader ... cause I just talk to my mum about you and me working on this piece and in fact I sang a lil of the song (specially the ending) as I have it in mind. Rofl
But today is a bad day for my right ear so that I m hearing myself as if I’m under water. :(

Anyway what about using attack instead of black?
Something like: no matter which trouble attacked....it’s not a 💯 rhyme but maybe it gives u new ideas. I’m also still thinking about those lines 🤔

What u say about the beginning is true, that’s why I came up with the idea of those 2 backing intro lines. U open with these....have your climax when the lead vocal sings this phrase again....then u can take a breath and sing „be forever yours-and you’re forever mine“.... to me this has the breathing character that gives the whole topic of the song a stronger meaning.
But.....that’s just lil me, in the end it’s yours and u decide what u wanna have there!
Greetings from mum and me!
Ps: it’s not work for me....it’s joy to finally found someone I can do this with!

Andrea
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I get the plugged ears too. For me it is allergies. If you can sing it, I am game - when you are ready.

I think we may have to settle on those two lines we aren't happy with. Let's each come up with 2 or 3 options and agree on one. I have heard so many "dumb" lines in songs on the radio, so oh well!

I am having a harder time with the beginning, but maybe if I heard your idea for singing it I may be persuaded. I will keep and open mind. I will also keep thinking of a compromise :)

As far as the end goes, it's just gramatical. If I am wrong, then ok.

I will try to produce some more ideas by tomorrow :)

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Well to me because of the Hörsturz I had which is more than just sudden deafness ....sadly I had some kind of „attack“ inside my right ear....maybe it’s cause by the illness I’m suffering from but they r not sure....
Anyway
The ending well.....if I would do it I wouldn’t give a damn flying pig about the grammar..... I just would let it breath there....a lil stop in the singing maybe a special musical climax....and after that the 2 ending lines...as simple as possible. But yeah I can understand what u mean, too. Makes it a bit more fulfilling and perfect if it comes to the writing part, but I guess any singer would „bring himself/herself“ in here after all.
But those two black zodiac heartattack what ever lines are killing me.... maybe I have to sleep over it once again.
But we can make it! We will work out a compromise!

Btw I have posted an older song of mine here in the forum. It’s a piece that is very deeply connected to me but if you have ideas ....specially about the indirect speech....feel welcome!

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OMG, You have me rolling. That is enough to convince me to at least let you sing your way. I am not a professional in any way, so will not pretend to know what is best. The result is what matters.

Those 2 lines may break us or make us. I will keep working :)

I did see your other post, but I really want to sit and thoughtfully read it before I respond. I promise I will get to it and do my best.

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LOL
Thank you! Let me know what u think.

Im working on:
I saved you from the flak
Yeah, I saved you from the flak

Or something like:
.....if you get slack
Yeah, ....if you get slack....

Dunno if I can use the words like this....not sure, but I’m working ;)

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Mhhh ok I give it a try:

A) I saved you from the flak
Yeah, I saved you from the flak

B) Through all nightmares and back
Yeah, through all nightmares and back

C) Handled any attack
Yeah handled any attack

D) Sure we faced any wack
Yeah, we sure faced any wack
——-
E) (if you add an „and“ in those lines in VI)

And nothing could hold us back
Yeah, and nothing could hold us back << vI
And then:
Guarded you if you got slack
Yeah, guarded you if you got slack

That’s all I can come up with tonight sorries 😅😢

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I like B the best. It fits nicely.

Here are my 3 options:

holding hands
and each others back
we stood strong
when life threw us off track
surviving pitfalls and cracks
yeah, we never fell through the cracks

we always found our way back
yeah, we always found our way back
0R
steadfast, we found our way back
yeah, we always found our way back

our problems we solved in the sack
an undeniably naked fact ----ha ha, couldn't resist

I also had an idea about the beginning. What if we started with?:

Do you remember/I'll never forget/I'll always remember
when our hearts first entwined
our hearts first entwined

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Hey,
I like your second one! Even if it also rhymes with back....like my B. Would cause ehhhmmm....3x back after another, if i saw it right.

And if u really want to start with one of your lines, My preference is the first: „do you remember...“ because it shows that there are two ppl involved right from the start. It’s still as if someone tells the story but there ain’t a minor and mayor character in it, and so this would be clear right away.
Cheers

Andrea
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I thought the same thing about using back again. Funny though, I liked this best too "Through all nightmares and back
Yeah, through all nightmares and back"

Which do you prefer (your 2 or my 2)?

We can go with Do you remember. I think it is a good compromise and it feels good to me. Thanks

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holding hands
Made it through the flak
we stood strong
when life threw us off track
....back
Yeah,...back
<<<< what about putting it this way?

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Well well well....your B is simple, if u wanna keep it like that use yours.
My B has a picture in it, so if you like to give it more pictures, use mine. 😉

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I will get a second opinion. Then I will make the changes and post them by tomorrow.

I just read your work in progress. I really love it. I will spend some more time and leave you feedback. Enjoy

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Oki dok let me know what u think aaaaand
Post the final invincible love real quick 😉
Enjoy

SongWriterJoe
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Joined: Thu Mar 22nd, 2018
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Np. Emerge works too

RainbowKeeper
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Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
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Hey Andrea,
Just wondering what lines u have chosen for the final lyrics?!?
Was asked if there is already music to our co-production. If so, I’d like to hear it.
Hope u have a good day
Cheerio Ian

Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
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Hi Ian, I did post the co-write back in February. I know we still had doubts about using the word back, but I honestly haven't given it much thought since then. I do not play music, so at this point will not be adding it. Hopefully someday that will change :)

RainbowKeeper
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Ahh I see. Please keep me updated. Thanx!


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