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Invincible love (hearts on a string)
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 Posted: Tue Aug 13th, 2019 11:22 pm
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Andrea
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I wrote the original lyrics for a band upon request, I never heard back from them, so will assume they didn't care for them. Thanks to RainbowKeeper, we have been working together and have done some nice revisions.

An alternate to:
"We always found our way back
Yeah, we always found our way back"
is

"though all the nightmares and back,
Yeah, through all the nightmares and back"

Love to hear which we should go with. I like them both, so am torn.


Here is our co-write:

Invincible Love - Andrea Brennan and Ian P.

Do you you remember
When our heart first entwined?
When our heats first entwined?

Baring our souls
Like a secret pact
Blind faith believing
True love was a fact
Nothing could hold us back
Yeah, nothing could hold us back

Pre chorus
Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Chorus
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love is the key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

Holding hands
And each other's backs
We stood strong
When life threw us off track
We always found our way back
Yeah, we always found our way back

Pre chorus
Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Chorus
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love is the key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

We built our home
Wall by wall
We built our home
No matter how simple, not matter how small
We built our home
A cozy bed
And a table for two
We built our home
And we were sure, sure we had it all

Stronger than steel
Stronger than time
Nothing can split
Two hearts entwined
I'm forever yours
And you're forever mine

Original

Invincible love (hearts on a string)

It was Friday night
happy hour
when our hearts first entwined
we struck up a conversation
that went well past closing time

baring our souls
like a secret pact
blind faith believing
true love was a fact
nothing could hold us back
yeah, nothing could hold us back

pre chorus
too young to know better
too young to care
living each moment
on a wing and a prayer

Chorus
invincible love
hearts on a string
can conquer the odds
if we believe
invincible love
hearts on a string
forever and ever
you and me

we were very good
at playing house
in our hole in the wall
just a bed and a table for two
yet, we thought we had it all

holding hands
and each other's backs
we stood strong
when life threw us off track
our love was written in the Zodiac
yeah, our love was written in the Zodiac

Pre-chorus

Chorus

stronger than bullets
stronger than time
nothing can split
two hearts entwined
I'm forever yours
and you're forever mine

Chorus

Last edited on Wed Feb 19th, 2020 02:36 pm by Andrea



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 Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 09:15 pm
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Andrea
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I made a couple changes since my first post. I would like to know if this is worth working on. Please be honest. I appreciate all feedback and help. Thanks



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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 04:57 am
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bunnythesinger
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Andrea, I really like this. The only line that threw me was the line about the Zodiac...wasn't sure where it came from...that was the first and last reference to it i saw...but it works rhythmically. This is definitely a keeper...
Bunny



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 Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 07:17 am
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RainyDayMan
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Andrea, I don't think you need more, I think you need less.

I would lose the opening verse "It was Friday night..."
It isn't particularly strong and adds nothing to the story.
I think you can start at "baring our souls..."

The pre-chorus feels tight, though I would change the second "too young" to too something else

The chorus feels ok. I like the repetition on your key lines. It will probably come out well with the right music.

I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. I know it's about childhood experience, but it doesn't convince me they are made for each other because they played house.

I'm ok with the Zodiac reference. A lost of people will relate there.

I like the "stronger than bullets" part as well.

I think by the time you put it to music with some turnarounds included it will be long enough.



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 Posted: Sat Aug 17th, 2019 04:47 am
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samiamiamsam
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I like it Andrea, especially the chorus.
Happy to see something new from you.



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 Posted: Mon Aug 19th, 2019 12:19 pm
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Andrea
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Sorry everyone for the late replies, it has been a non stop busy week with work.

Bunny, Thanks for your feedback. The Zodiac line is a take on the saying 'our love is written in the stars' - like destiny.

Sam, thank you. The chorus was what I built the song around. That helps me that you like this part.



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 Posted: Mon Aug 19th, 2019 12:37 pm
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Andrea
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Thank RDM for the feedback. What I meant by more wasn't about the length, but about the idea of love enduring over time. I wasn't sure it had enough to give that sense/impact. Maybe it doesn't need to go farther? I am just not sure on that.

I had a hard time with V1. I wanted an introduction on how they met (chance/fate idea). I tried multiple ideas, but this one might sound ok when sung. V2 I really like, but think it wouldn't make a lot of sense without some V1.

You suggest,"I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. …" I could write something else. I will have to think more about it. Any suggestions?

Thanks for giving ideas for improvement :)



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 Posted: Fri Aug 30th, 2019 10:34 pm
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bunnythesinger
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Andrea, I like to revisit things I have commented on for two big reasons, first because I like seeing what work has been done to it, and mostly because a lot of my commentary is done in the middle of the night and I write something that I have no idea why I wrote it. I see and understand the zodiac reference now. Duh.

I really like the opening verse as part of the story, but that doesnt mean that it has to be sung...most performers leave out the opening verse to one of the most beautiful songs of all time, Hoagy Carmichael's Stardust.

Just revisiting and looking at it again...and liking it even more.

Bunny



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 Posted: Sat Aug 31st, 2019 12:36 am
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Andrea
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Hi Bunny, Thanks for revisiting. I have thought about making changes, but honestly I haven't decided what, if anything, I want to change. Comments by RDM weigh on my mind, but I haven't come up with anything better yet.


I am glad you are liking it more the second time around. I want everything to be perfect if possible. I didn't feel that way about this, but I do like it enough to post. Maybe if grows on people - a good thing :)



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 10:26 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey there,
With the greatest respect for you and your work little me wants to give some feedback too.
First of all I really like the chorus and the ending!
What seems to let me frown....is the beginning.
My first line would be „baring our souls“....the stuff u have there before makes it....well „not round“ in my opinion. But to fulfill the whole „message“ I may would keep the line „ when our hearts first entwined“ from the first bit of your song. This may be a good line for a backing vocal in the beginning of the song before the lead vocal starts with: baring our souls.... I think it fits because u bring up that line again later in your lead vocals/lyrics.
Just my opinion but it sounds good in „my inner ear“ 😅
Keep up the good work!



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 10:54 pm
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Andrea
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Hi RainbowKeeper (Awesome name, but lengthy to spell out. Can I call you Rainbow or RK?),

Thank you for your feedback. It has been a while since I wrote this. The band I wrote it for didn't get back to me (Maybe they didn't like it). I love the lines baring our souls, in a secret pact, but I thought it needed a set up. If you have ideas on a re-write, I would be very open to that.

Give me food for thought in any case - thank you



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 11:07 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey,
polite nice ppl can call me what ever they like lol. But I d go d‘accord with RK! Thank you btw for the compliment. But it’s quiet something that you think the name is to long...and this by a woman from pough...what was it? Poughalongadingdong near Albany (a city we have a nice „Schlager“song about btw) ;):):D
Well I don’t want to try to „get“ into your work if it’s not wanted, but if u really want me to think about it...I d give it a try!
Greetings!



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 11:23 pm
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Andrea
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Ok Rk! The difference here is I didn't name my town - lol :)

I am completely fine if you want to make changes in any of my lyrics. That is something I always expect (hope for) belonging to a forum like this. Nothing of mine is written in stone and I am happy to hear your thoughts. I would be up for a co-write too :)

Thanks



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 11:45 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Okey doki
I’ll try and see if I can come up with any idea. Not that easy but yeah...

And even if he sings about the #1 Albany ...the one in Europe .... I think it fits.... https://youtu.be/yb8SSDmhyaM 😂😂😂 btw he doesn’t speak my language...means he doesn’t know what he is singing about, he just sings it!

Cheerio



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 Posted: Sun Feb 16th, 2020 11:58 pm
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Andrea
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Sorry to say, I the video says it is not available in my country :(

If you have ideas, I will happily read them. I will look for posts by you too so I can leave feedback.



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 Posted: Mon Feb 17th, 2020 12:07 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Great that’s a deal!
Mhh sorry that it doesn’t work in the states...but since I read that name on the map near your home town my mind is singing along this lil silly song lol :D



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 Posted: Mon Feb 17th, 2020 03:33 am
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RainbowKeeper
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Well well...what do you think?:

Invincible love

[when our hearts first entwined x2]

Baring our souls
Like a secret pact
Blind faith believing
True love was a fact
Nothing could hold us back
Yeah, nothing could hold us back

Too young to know better
Too young to care
Living each moment
On a wing and a prayer

Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Conquer all odds
Love was our key
Invincible love
Hearts on a string
Forever and ever
You and me

Holding hands
And each other’s backs
We stood strong
When life threw us off track
Our love let colours arose out of the black
Yeah, there‘re colours where it once was black

We built our home
Wall by wall
We built our home
No matter how simple, no matter how small
We built our home
Wall by wall
Just a bed and a table for two
But we were sure we had it all

Stronger than steel
Stronger than time
Nothing can split
Two hearts entwined
Be forever yours
And you‘re forever mine

[fade out over: our two hearts entwined]


© by Andrea and Ian 17.02.2020

Last edited on Mon Feb 17th, 2020 02:10 pm by RainbowKeeper



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 Posted: Mon Feb 17th, 2020 06:11 am
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This reminds me of something funny my father used to tell me. He used to say "I don't care what you call me as long as it's not late for dinner. Call me 'late for dinner' and we're going to have a big fight!"



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 Posted: Mon Feb 17th, 2020 06:22 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Nice rhyming. I know how difficult it is to write a song that is not in your mother tongue (main language). Only one thing..

Holding hands
And (watching) each other’s backs
We were standing so strong
When life threw us off track
Our love lets colours ARISE from the black
Yeah, now there are colours where it used to be black

Last edited on Mon Feb 17th, 2020 06:24 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Mon Feb 17th, 2020 01:00 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Arise.... that was the word I was longing for!
Tyvm



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