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| Posted: Tue Aug 13th, 2019 10:22 pm |
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Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
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I have been trying to write these lyrics for a local band, but am not feeling satisfied. I like parts, but am not sure about the whole. Maybe I need more? Maybe I should try something else and dump it? Anyway, looking for any and all suggestions/comments/rewrites!
The band is more country, pop - not my strong suit.
Invincible love (hearts on a string)
It was Friday night
happy hour
when our hearts first entwined
we struck up a conversation
that went well past closing time
baring our souls
like a secret pact
blind faith believing
true love was a fact
nothing could hold us back
yeah, nothing could hold us back
pre chorus
too young to know better
too young to care
living each moment
on a wing and a prayer
Chorus
invincible love
hearts on a string
can conquer the odds
if we believe
invincible love
hearts on a string
forever and ever
you and me
we were very good
at playing house
in our hole in the wall
just a bed and a table for two
yet, we thought we had it all
holding hands
and each other's backs
we stood strong
when life threw us off track
our love was written in the Zodiac
yeah, our love was written in the Zodiac
Pre-chorus
Chorus
stronger than bullets
stronger than time
nothing can split
two hearts entwined
I'm forever yours
and you're forever mine
ChorusLast edited on Thu Aug 15th, 2019 08:13 pm by Andrea
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Andrea
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| Posted: Thu Aug 15th, 2019 08:15 pm |
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Andrea
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| Location: | Poughkeepsie, New York USA |
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I made a couple changes since my first post. I would like to know if this is worth working on. Please be honest. I appreciate all feedback and help. Thanks
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Andrea
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| Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 03:57 am |
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bunnythesinger
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| Location: | Central Midlands, South Carolina USA |
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Andrea, I really like this. The only line that threw me was the line about the Zodiac...wasn't sure where it came from...that was the first and last reference to it i saw...but it works rhythmically. This is definitely a keeper...
Bunny
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"People always ask me what I write first, words or lyrics...and I always say, Yes." Martin Mull
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| Posted: Fri Aug 16th, 2019 06:17 am |
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RainyDayMan
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Andrea, I don't think you need more, I think you need less.
I would lose the opening verse "It was Friday night..."
It isn't particularly strong and adds nothing to the story.
I think you can start at "baring our souls..."
The pre-chorus feels tight, though I would change the second "too young" to too something else
The chorus feels ok. I like the repetition on your key lines. It will probably come out well with the right music.
I would lose the "we were very good" verse. It feels a bit childish to me. I know it's about childhood experience, but it doesn't convince me they are made for each other because they played house.
I'm ok with the Zodiac reference. A lost of people will relate there.
I like the "stronger than bullets" part as well.
I think by the time you put it to music with some turnarounds included it will be long enough.
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| Posted: Sat Aug 17th, 2019 03:47 am |
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